Sensual, Silky Flow

Again I ask: What do you see?

 

Sensual, silky flow

Sweat glistens

On smooth skin

 

A smile winks

Eyes twinkle

Pleasure sparkles

 

Sensual, silky flow

Feet stomp

A new rhythm

 

Lithe, limber body

Glides smoothly

Painting a story

 

Sensual, silky flow

Patterns form

Lines shift

 

Audible acclaim

Bestowed appreciation

Compliments

 

Sensual, silky flow

Author's Note

This one hasn't been edited yet. I just wrote and posted. I am not sure whether I will revise or leave as is. All feedback and suggestions are welcome.

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

The title exquisitely describes this evocative poem. I did find a break in the flow, which you may consider for revisement. It isn't a big problem with the overall poem, but you may want to revise the following:
"Sensual, silky flow
Feet stomp
A new rhythm"
The middle line seems too abrupt. I wonder if you try this on for size:
"Sensual, silky flow
Feet stomp to
A new rhythm"
I think that adding that one small word tends to allow for more flow in the stanza.

[Destiny]

At first I immediate thought,
"SEX!!!"
But after I read it over I think of a single dancer silhouetted on a stage. I guess the person could be male or female. I'd like to think male personally. I see this person dancing passionately almost as if their life depended on it. His last chance...
Very good. I like that this can be interpreted so many ways! Thanx for writing
♥Destiny♥

[Seriana]

I like this! Very simple, yet so deep in it's meaning. It makes my skin tingle, LOL. I say leave it. A bit rough around the edges is sometimes much better than a smoothly polished piece.

[deadlife]

Hmmm..what i see?
Well..i see a little child..a toddler..about eight months old.. wraped in silk... like a gift from God, smiling..winking.. Playing music with the floor..the floor is his piano. Gentle steps..crazy steps.. With feet and hands.. Trying to stand.. To walk.. To play music of life.
And it's just a thought.
It is another a great poem with great imagery.
Though it's an unedited version, its your choice to refine it or not, but it's beautiful. I don't believe in editions..coz what comes from your heart in the first go..can never be attained back. Only i think so. =)

[Travis Lawrence]

I see someone dancing in front of a crowd, a creative performance in a costume of silk. I hope that's what you were going for, but I could see it in other ways, too, if you guided me in the direction. It's vague but in a good way :-)

Have a nice day!

-Travis

[The Autumn Faerie]

It's sweetly tender, and I like that about it.
But if I'm always a fan of revisions...
If you see anything you'd think to change, don't hesitate!