I Wish I Could Save You

This is for my loving grandma on my dad side. A letter to my grandma. Please read.

"I Wish I Could Save You"

　

Dear Grandmother Jane,

This is your granddaughter Martina from dad's side of the family. I hope you can read this from where ever you are. I want to let you know a few things, before I decided to move on so please hear me out. The night at the hospital when I first met you in the month, you looked so weak. So breakable, that I'm afraid if I hug you, you will fall apart in my arms and wilt away. I remembered Cassie hugged you. When you turned to me for one I pulled away. I saw the hurt in your eyes, but you must understand I thought I would hurt you. I don't hate you. I love you. I don't want you to go, but that will be selfish of me seeing your struggling with Death, refusing to let go. I'm crying, I actually cry. See momo, I'm crying for you. At your last night, I didn't noticed. You were so strong. You stayed in bed, knowing you will die in the morning. You smiled, you told us jokes trying to make us cheer up. I smiled sadly at you, wishing I could have your attitude. You love us. Cassie held my hand crying once more. "Cassie, please don't cry infront of Grandma." I whispered in her ear, knowing it will cause you pain, if you saw her cry. You turned to uncle, and with a final joke, you told him he hold you money. We all knew you were playing. I mean your in your dead bed and you worried about money. I admired you for that courage. You stood up infront of Death, fearless, but deep down I knew you were scared. Cassie and I left, not knowing this is the last time we saw you alive. Grandma, I must admit I didn't cry at your furneral. I cried all my tears when dad called me the next day, telling me the news. I cried for a night. I cried to the lord why he taken you away from us. At your furneral I was emotionless. I felt sad. But I have no tears left to cry. I used them up and I must be strong for Cassie, whom is holding my hand crying and sobbing. We put up that song you loved. I glanced down to my feet. This doesn't mean I hate you...I regret. I have huge regret now. I could of save you! Remember the day, when you thought I called you aunt? Your hearing is going out, and I knew you were fading. I didn't do anything. If..If I just tell everyone then maybe your life would be spare when the doctors told you, that you have lung cancer. That is my biggest regret..and many years I thought I was the one that killed you. I didn't talk to anyone about this. I bottled up for years, only talking about it to my boyfriend and parts to my best friend. Now...I still feel like I'm the one that killed you. Please forgive me. Grandma, I remembered. I remembered the good and the bad memories I shared with you. I remembered when I got child abuse, I ran to dad and you. You told me with these kind words. "If he hits you again, come to me." I was happy. You watched me leave, and I waved. You made me happy. Now your gone...Your gone for 6 years...I want to tell you thank you for everything you did for me and I love you. I will never hate you. Where ever you are grandma, I hope your happy and your well, but at times I wish I could save you. Please forgive me. Maybe I could finally move on now.

 

I love you,

Your loving granddaughter,

Martina

Author's Note

R.I.P: Grandma Jane, I will always remember and love you.

Reviews

[JENY]

Feel happy to have an opportunity to read a page from your life….
It was very much touching…
I can very well understand your feelings….
I had a grandma….
There are some grammar mistakes I think….
Loved it….

[Joshua Donahue]

really sad, emotional, and moving. my condolences. :)

[Daydreamer54]

dead bed- death bed. Omg, so much sadness here! u can't blame yourself for someone's death, it was simply their time. It's a good thing u wrote this though, to let all ur emotion out. This one thing I love about writing, when u write out ur feelings, u begin to fel better. I'm glad ur oving on from this and that u still carry her memories in ur heart!

[Lightfalls]

This is so sad....please dont' feel guilt though, it's the worst thing, and the fact is we all have so many things to feel bad about, but this is certainly not your fault in any way. A very meaningful write, and brutally honest written straight from the heart. I'm sure that if she could see this, she would feel honored.

[Gracie-San]

I could feel the emotion in this letter, and I am so sorry for the loss of your grandma.

[Sarah>_>]

This is great! It shows real emotion. :(

[Ashley.M.E]

This made me cry. No it wasn't perfect in grammar spelling and all the other things most people look for. I could feel your emotions, it made me remember when my grandmother died of cancer... My father was there because we knew she was going to die... but I wasn't allowed to go. We just had to wait a whole night and day until we got the call... We all are sad about the ones we lost and regretted curtain things we done... We also will always hold those joyful memories. So somehow they will live on. A great write and a loving story. I bet you made your grandmother proud.