Illuminate

burn like a candle, until there is nothing left.

Tonight I watch candles commit suicide.
They devour their own body
and wax drips down
until they are no more,

but oh how they express elegance
in their short and humble lives.
Their aroma, so beautiful.
I could only mention to you
the ravishing smell
of vanilla
and spice;

No, but you
would understand the candles
self indulgence
if you were still here.

Flames would sparkle against the wall.
A silhouette of lovers would dance amongst
the ceiling tiles.

Spiders would rejoice
and watch
as passion fills the room once more.
They are sick of counting dust flakes
and watching this girl live her life
each day without a single moment
taking place.

Somewhere in this world
you could also watch candles burn,
but only I can show you
the desire expressed within the flame.
We both lay alone tonight
as bits of wax frozen within ourselves.
We cannot simply ask for
a burning love.
It takes self sacrifice
to illuminate.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[BatFan38]

I loved it!

[Laura Storm]

Really powerful piece. Sadness and love fill every word and image. Great job.

[Alex Vidmar]

beautiful. i love your works. all the time. well done.

[reflectingus]

Beautiful work, I just adore that romantic environment here. The beginning was amazing, I love how you put candles into it, used them as a metaphor, and also the conclusion pretty much perfected the whole poem, with the great descriptions. I was actually nodding my head in agreement as I read the way you described the candles.
"It takes self sacrifice
to illuminate." - flawless ending.

[Sunflower]

this is so amazing! wonderful write

[Rosallia]

0.0 This is so amazing! I was totally speechless when I first read this.... so much so that i had to read it three more time =)

[Lowesy]

well i thoroughly enjoyed the metaphor, thought it was really well thought out. Apart from just editing it I have no problems with it, I liked it.

[fireblossom]

I like the vision of this. I think you are on the right track and almost there. I think you can edit at least the last verse.

We cannot simply ask for
a burning love.
It takes self sacrifice
to illuminate.

You begin by describing the burning candles, a metaphor; one that allows the reader to participate in the interpretation. In your eagerness to tell us what it all means you finish with a defining comment. The shift from great metaphor to interpretation of the metaphor snaps me out of the poems spell. Perhaps I saw another shape emerging on the cloud. By your defining what you want me to see you take my vision away.

If you trust your readers and choices and avoid interpreting your art for us your poem will shine even brighter.

Of course I tell you this in love and respect. One poet to another poet.

[S. Michael Long]

I think... you are a great poet, this is a dark poem if i have ever read one, you have a seductive way of not using the foul and gross stuff (like i try to) to be dark.. I loved it! -s

[Empirik]

I like the point made her. Well done at telling a story through metaphor and expressing yourself at the same time. :)