She Couldn't Scream

Raindrops fell heavy on the brick-paved sidewalks, but my attention was more focused on the pattering noise of woman’s heels. She sprinted across the streets of the boardwalk; when earlier today she could barley walk in those heels. This same boardwalk Jenny and I used to go for strolls, sometimes in rain as overpowering as it is right now. Than we would share an umbrella and a pair of smiles. Now we just share the same motive, to run. She was running from me and I was running after her. I couldn’t let her get away like that, She couldn’t leave me. I’m not sure what it was that drove her away from me. All I ever did was love her. She was my life, nothing existed in my world as she did. If not for her, all would be pointless.

She had to stop, she knew she wouldn’t make it far in those black leather pumps. The noise of the vicious rain still slammed against the pavement, but Jenny now stood still. I yelled to her. Asking why her why she was doing this? What have I done?

“You are f*****g insane!” she screamed

I thought her voice echoed, but it turned out to be thunder crashing not far up above our heads.

I was not insane.

“The cameras. The phone calls. You have been following me everywhere I go”

It’s only because I loved her.

“You don’t love me” she yelled “This isn’t love. You are obsessed! I’m terrified to be around you. Just leave me alone”

She went to walk away, but I gripped her wrists tight

“Let go of me!” she squealed.

I promised  I’d never let her go. She promised she’d never leave me.

“I have to go. There is somewhere I need to be”

At 4 am? I didn’t think so.

She started to tug so I wrapped my arms around her. I held her tight. She started to yell so I gagged her with my hand. She dug her teeth into my flesh. The pain was unbearable, but I had to shut her up. She struggled and kicked. She attempted to scream, but couldn’t.  I couldn’t keep her held like this much longer.

I locked one arm onto her scalp, the other at the base of her neck.

The rain continued to splatter and the thunder roared

Than I heard a loud crack.

Jenny’s body lay limp and motionless in my arms. I sat down on the wet pavement and held her close.

Just like I promised; I couldn’t, I wouldn’t ever, let her go.

I sobbed right than and there. Tears and snot got tangled in her long brunette hair.

She was my friends, my love, my life. I couldn’t explain why I did it. I just couldn’t stand the fact that she was no longer mine. I needed her. I wasn’t about to let her go. Now, I didn’t have to.

Author's Note

This is just a rough draft of a story I want to write. I wanted to get opinions of whether the idea is good or not. Please let me know what you think. I am very open to honesty. Thank You.

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

I think it is incredible ---- but
I would like to see a better endng.
Anything but murder--- the death I feel
spoils an outstanding story.
---- John

[Chris]

Reminiscent of the Huguely Murder Trial...

[Cameron]

The writer chooses word order and spelling I would think. Also How erie is the way you started to flesh out just how far insane he has gone to. Thus far it has great potential.

[Distant horizons]

Okay, so I dont read stories....But what happens next? come on. :)
This, in my totally, non expert, humble opinion is really well done. You've got the whole concept of the initial drama down in what, two pages. Good job. The only story i ever wrote took me three years to cut down to just what i really wanted to say, which was like cutting twenty five page chapters down to four.
Lot of good stuff happening here. the initial shock, the undoubted red herring, and no doubt a few twists and turns to come. Keep me posted. Liking it muchly.

ps... just a little spelling error in the third line. she could barley walk.

[Coyote Poetry]

In this short story you create a situation, desire and a bad ending. I wish I could write a powerful story in so few words. I saw a vision of a man with nothing to lose. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

[Freeminded]

Woahhhh
Thats crazy...
I think there are a few words or phrases muddled up misspelled... like
"Just like I promised; I couldn’t, I wouldn’t ever, let her go"
Perhaps it could be
"Just like I promised; I would’t, I couldn’t ever, let her go"

I think its wonderful though, especially as its a rough draft!!