Abstract

Seeing inside my mind

I think in Abstract
and my brain waves are surreal.
Butterfly wings don't puncture my stomache
but tickle the inerds of my skull
as they flutter around and kiss
the insides of my mind.

My eyes don't process objects.
I cannot see shapes.
Blind as I am
I can clearly see your
true colors:
green envy, blue mellowness
violet shyness.

My imagination is a room
splattered with paint;
a thousand colors and emotions
dripping off the walls and
staining the floor
and in the middle of it all
a canvas
as blank as the stare on my face.

Author's Note

Pleas let me know what you think with either good or critical feedback. Thank You :)

Reviews

Wow! This is so beautiful! I love how the character senses the world differently, it's so unique!

[Meghan]

I think you have a great skeleton for the poem, but some bits could be tweaked for flow's sake. Here are some things I picked out as I read:

I would take the "and" out of the second line and make it its own sentence. "Stomach" is spelled incorrectly. I think you meant "innards." I would add a comma to the end of the third line of the second stanza. "Your true colors" is a little cliche, while an expressive phrase. I think you might want to somehow use "mellowness" and "shyness" as adjectives, because the nouns sound a little clunky. And finally, I'd add a comma at the end of the third-to-last line in the third stanza.

It might seem like a lot of little things, but trust me, I usually pick out more when I'm critiquing a piece, ha. Great job as a whole. I really enjoyed it.

[Chris]

iNerd is a real word - ya know?

The last stanza is quite standalone.

[just is]

I really enjoyed this write. One thing Stomache, is stomach you don't need the e at the end. Very enjoyable read.

such amazing imagery.

...Strong emotions in this. Nicely presented.

[Gordon]

So let me get this straight, somewhere in the middle of your mind/soul is a blank canvas untouched by the influences of the world? An innocent place within you. This is expressed by your outward appearances too.

I think I get it but I'm not completely sure. It's a good write either way.

[Kyle]

You sound talented! I love the picture chosen....i like the words which use colors.....then suddenly switch to a facial expression. Expertly done.

[BLBrown]

I really enjoy abstract writing. You did a good job here, very descriptive, and your use of the abstract to evoke thought in the reader is well done. This is the kind of poem that means different things to different people...highly interpretive. I also found your use of action words like "dripping" and "staining" to be very powerful. I enjoy writing abstract poetry. I just joined this site today and invite you to visit my first poem, Time. Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Lina Grey]

Great use of imagery. I think this could describe me sometimes. The part about butterflies in the first stanza, which i thought was compared to having butterflies in one's stomach, was a nice metaphor. The ending was very strong, with the huge mix of colors all over the room, and then "a canvas, as blank as the stare on my face." Great finish. It reminds me a bit of a piece I'm working on, the ending does. It's very well penned. Thank you.