Adoration

A poem about me and an ex-boyfriend pretending we were in love but finding out how we never really were at all.

Silver tear drops
fall from a cold winter sky,
and with this disenchanting urge,
I feel like I could just about die.
Fingertips to my skin
and sin pressed under my thumb,
I feel as you rip me apart,
but you act like we're in love.

Your heart, a million miles away
but pulses right across the street.
I can't even begin to trust you
if you won't believe in me.
And our jaws hit the floor
as our lies become undone.
I couldn't utter a truth
when I say that we're in love.

Call our connection a whisper
but pretend it's a scream.
Pretend that we are something special,
something more than you and me.
We're a match made in Hell,
with smiles sent from above.
We can call this adoration
but we could never call it love.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you really think. I am looking for not only good reviews but also critical ones. If you could say why you like or dislike it i would really appreciate it. Thank you :)

Reviews

[wunfinfela]

"but we could never call it love"
So lay your warm and tender body close to mine-----
'for the good life.
And tell me that you love me just this time......
For the good life.
whisper in my ear and tell me that you`re mine-----
For the good life.

Just this time
----- wunfinfela

[Stammers]

and sin pressed under my thumb - nice line.

Your ending was very neat too, you knew what you were writing to get to.

[Kyle]

I like how you take the feelings that you both have and spell it out emotionally...although there was no actually love involved. I agree with this...i have had feelings...but not really love before and those real feeling do indeed exist....

[Distant horizons]

really powerful write, full of emotion and flowig wonderfully throughout.

[S. Michael Long]

hey another great poem! this one has a great flow to it with the rhyme there are a few sections that were a bit tricky in terms of the flow of the imagery for me, the tense in the first stanza confused me because I wasnt sure if it was past or present because of the A when describing a winter sky, i dont know if it could be streamlined with it being the cold winter sky? I loved the part "i cant begin to trust you if you wont believe in me.. its great! The other spot for me was the last stanza, the double use of pretend, i wondered if using the word fake instead of pretend in "pretend that we are something special would read better? This one is going in my favorite list for sure! loved it!!!!!

[Eagle Cruagh]

Fingertips to my skin
and sin pressed under my thumb,

I have already done this, but could write
all day on this subject.
---- John

[Eagle Cruagh]

I dont like it because I adore women.
When I read about them being used and
abused it infuriates me.
You are a gifted writer--- just write about
the guy you met in school, or at the fair,
or at the social, or a small party of sober
friends. OK ?
Or, on writers Cafe.
----- John

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem. Emotion, struggle and strong statements. I like the complete poem.
"We're a match made in Hell,
with smiles send from above."
I hope to read more of your poetry. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Sometimes Blood]

poetically presented..good write