Thunder, One and Two.

It might be called love.

I.

What bittersweet romance!

I had never known love to be so great.

With a tongue of cynicism, I would lash

like a snake at its prey.

And then the lightning struck one night

and warmed me up, ablaze;

straight down to the soul of me

it crackled through the haze.

A bittersweet romance,

for thunder cross oceans goes,

from the heart of he to that of me 

but it can't take us home.

II.

 - actually, the pain's in the gut.

no appetite, forced chuckle -

acid growls like a machine.

that noisy muscle!

But there is no true pain in that fist that

BOOMS

like thunder behind your ribs between the lungs

your heart it beats forever.

January 11 & April 12, 2010

Author's Note

Being 16 was no fun at all.

Reviews

[plainme]

this is great, this is really great. I love how there are two parts to this, written in different times, perhaps different circumstances and yet they blend together really well. I think my interpretation of this poem is pretty different from what your desired message is, but that's the wonder of poetry, so many sides, so few words. Well done, Sarah. Again, you blow me away.

[Sarah Khalil]

Thank you :) Although I just realized I accidentally put the year as 2013 - they were written in 2010! Always love your reviews, plainme.

[plainme]

Sarah, as always, the pleasure is all mine!

[E.V. Black]

Depends on what you were like at sixteen. I have only had crushes so far in my life, but I have a long way to go. So far, there is no one who strikes my fancy. Some teens are lucky when they find love. You are lucky that you were able to find love, however it turned out. While reading this poem, I could tell that love was passionate. If it is like thunder, then surely it must be hotter than the Sahara. I loved this piece because it is very reminiscent of Shakespeare's style. Yet, you were able to embrace the olden style as your own. I loved that you didn't get too much in it (with the "thou" and "thy" and so on). Still, you showed that you were capable of great eloquence without overusing the olden style.
Bravo!

[End.]

Always a pleasure to read your writing. I enjoyed this quite a bit. One poem written at two separate times is quite nice. well done.

[ILuvRilke]

very cool

[Sarah Khalil]

Thanks!

[John Holmes]

This a beautiful and emotional piece, well done! I do adore the change in time especially.

[Sarah Khalil]

Thank you! :)

[xxlheart]

but being 16 did make for beautiful poetry....another deep emotions write. excellent

[Sarah Khalil]

Isn't that forever the case? Thanks for reading! :)

[xxlheart]

yes it is and you are welcome, always a pleasure to read you :)

[s y e]

Ha, I'm turning sixteen in July, Oh the joys of becoming a sixteen year old, ha! This was a great write, well done, Sarah.

~ Noodle.

[Sarah Khalil]

It's not the same for everyone - good luck! ;)

[Rahul]

That's a great write once again i liked this piece. Ist one and the Last one stanz's's good. nicely penned.

[Sarah Khalil]

Thank you for your kind words, and thanks for reading :)

[Chris]

I think it was more than mere "fun" as the magyk glowed... and then what...happened? Who let go... first- then 2nd ...and the why's came and the eyes' world darkened. And your dolls became ...dolls and your friends became ...real.

Life happened again.

[Sarah Khalil]

That it did. Thanks for reading!

[Chris]

Neither life nor its living is easy... but we do smile from time to time miss... both between and after the tears...

[Lethu]

16 was my worst year ever but it never compelled me to write such a good piece, I wonder what you went through but--this is a great piece again I say and I love how the second part comes sudden like an epifany. Lovely work there:)

[Sarah Khalil]

Ha, when I was 16 it was my worst year ever, but I've had worse since and subsequently written better! Go figure. The second half is also my favorite. Thank you for reading :)

[sparkle]

nice words , awesome !! I really like it , and the end was fantastic , great work :)

[Sarah Khalil]

Thanks sparkle ;)