Maytag Ambush

It's short enough to just read

I bought a machine that hated my guts 
it broke all my plates, and smashed all my cups

in cahoots with the pots, they recruited  my pans

and forced my opener to stop opening cans

Then they ate all my food, and swallowed it down the drain 
Now the only baking I can do is to my own brain 

but I hide it under this fancy tin foil cap that I wear 
to block my brain waves, if read, from revealing my fear 

of how things in my kitchen are acting in alliance 
They're all out to get me! Phobic "Death by Appliance"