An Irony-Elegy to the Dead Star of My Past Heart

A free-verse elegy with "twisting irony" at the poem's end. Please rate and post some reviews. Thanks!

You died...

Like those flowers that lost their color,
Like those trees that were chopped down,
Like those clowns who lost smiles and changed to frown,
Like the morning breeze that lost the good odor.

You cried...

Like the river that keeps on flowing,
Like the falling snow that is melting,
Like a child who lost his mother,
Like myself who lost another.

You rejected me...

Like a worn-out undergarment,
Like an unpublished newspaper,
Like a janitor fired fired from the department,
Like what you will do to me later... Slap!

I seem to have lost respect on you;
Because you close every door I open;
When I ask for forgiveness back then, I only talk to the air.

False, lost, respect for you is like of that forevermore!
I could forgive others but not to you, not anymore!
You teached me how to do this,
Now suffer the consequences! If there are any.

Sorry for being "nice" but;
When I saw you and my love for you died,

I smiled and sighed... "Good thing it was the past!"

Author's Note

Any reviews are WELCOME. It will help me improve my work. Please Rate. Thank You. This poem does not reflect my "character" and I did this for the sake of poetry and to cool down with my anger back then. Please bear with me.

Reviews

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

I was reading this and I thought wow .. pretty good writing..then I come to an odd part .I hope you will look at the lines I listed and rework them as the first part of the poem is just right..I am not sure if you know the mistakes are there.
so here are the lines and at the end I will show you what I thought was wrong.


I seem to have lost respect on you; LShould be lost respect for you.. ?
Because you close every door I open;
When I ask for forgiveness back then, I only talk to the air. (this would be better if you said when I asked.

False, lost, respect for you is like of that forevermore!{ ::::I don't get this line at all.
I could forgive others but not to you, not anymore!
You teached me how to do this,
Now suffer the consequences! If there are any.

,,,,I made comments next to the lines ..I thought did not work well..
again ..it is your poem .. I think it starts out so well..I really liked it ..

[Lei Vytiaco :)]

just want to comment on this one. it's very nice.. you've express what you really feel. just a very good release on the anger you felt. more power! hope i could write one like this. sooo good. :)

[a]

1) too many like... that distracts the reading, at least for me; 2)this is hardly an elegy;
but a captivating write, yes, a quite enjoyable read, that carries away in you story, if only weren't for those "likes"...
Thank you!