a letter from your father

 

You’re coming, going, rolling like a stone
down the valley where angels come from.

The room is still empty,
a cold patch remains
and I’m rolling, rolling again.

You’re mother doesn’t smile
and I haven’t for a while
there’s a crack in the corner of the frame.

The birds don’t sing, at least not like before
and the sun doesn’t shine as it did.

There are pictures, letters, a dying primrose
hanging over your name
but
everything else is still the same.

 

And I’m rolling and rolling, rolling my sleeves

I’m ready to start work again.

Those working class heroes who don’t have a choice
their children stand up and rejoice.

I stand, and sigh, I fight back the years
still standing before his Grace.

I stand like a statue
under the sun
tall and chin raised high.

And the birds come together
and nest on my shoulder
I sit, dark and heavy as a boulder.

 

I leave, take a stroll, go down to the beach
your hand always out of reach
           like a spoken word lost in the breeze.

The music comes over, crawls on my skin

it’s there burning in the wind.

I’m rolling, rolling into the waves

I wave, I cry out your name.

The children all whisper
the words of a song
that song, it’s over and done.

They’re rolling, rolling like the tears down her face

Rolling towards forgiveness and grace.

 

I’m rolling, I’m rolling, just like the waves
rolling into the reefs.

We’re reaching, reaching as far as the sea
the water never touching our feet.

You’re rolling
down the valley
where the leaves are all green
and the laughter of the kids still ring.

 

While I pray, and pray, every single day
and kneeling to the sound of your name.

Hope you’re happy, happy, happy again
Happy ‘til the end of your days.

Rocking and rolling
down to the floor
rolling like I never did before.

 

Rolling, rolling down the corridor
through the broken glass
and the broken door.

Rolling, falling down at your feet
like the waves rolling into the reefs.

We’re rolling, rolling upon the ocean floor

Rolling and rolling once more. 

2012.

Author's Note

this was written during a hazy period of my life. i was a bit depressed and my thoughts were disordered. thus, i do not really know what i was talking about but a feeling of deep sadness was at the basis. reading this in an old noteook, finding myself in a similar state of mind now, i decided to share it. by the way, i titled this notebook "gEometric sHapes and non-Linear Narratives," which says a lot about where i was.

thank you for all your support. i've been on and off this site but i will try to get back to everyone when i can.

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

The rhythm and melody of this was very effective. It carried the deep emotive character of the write into the heart of the reader. Missing someone you love like this, very difficult. Fine writing.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Pryde. im sorry ive been a bit unwell but i will soon be checking out your works too. always love seeing your smile.

[Pryde Foltz]

Oh now. I hope you feel better soon. Sending healing vibes:)

[Samuel Dickens]

I won't pretend to understand all you've written here, but I do sense the " place" you were in at the time, rather like a panic attack in which one is flooded with thoughts that seek cohesion. I experienced something similar once, and it's not a good place to be. Hopefully, you're way past that now.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Samuel. im not really sure what it means either, but it was written in a general mood of gloom. i think i was searching for something that was missing in my life and this pseudo-narrative came up. the creative processis a weird thing, i guess.

[Marie]

Dear Ern, this poem is remarkable! It is almost trance-inducing due to the repetition of both words and some lines. I feel this wonderfully constructed poem brought a lot of healing as a result of writing it, Ern? I found it soul touching as I read and I also felt a deep sense of loss, as if there was mourning for someone who had crossed over to Spirit, a fatherly energy which may have been either a father or someone who looked on you as a son. You have done yourself proud with this sublime poem, Ern! It is soul touching, dear friend. Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing. You are in my prayers and I pray you are well...

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

yes i was in a depressed at the time. around then, i first became viscerally aware of how all things in the world end. yet after writing this i felt a bit of joy. i thought, even when im at my lowest i can still do somthing. so it was certainly healing then and it's been a source of comfort for me now reading it again after many years.
thanks for your comment as always.

[Marie]

Most welcome always, Ern. Wishing you a very nice, blessed and wonderful new week ahead to enjoy...

[andrew mitchell]

I find that some haunting dreams / nightmares are so repetitive going on and on in circles in my mind. Enjoyed the write and the dilemma.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks andrew. yes, it definitely has that dreamlike feel.

[Soren]

Ern this is a hauntingly beautiful poem. The surreal nature of the lines gave it a mystical feel. The disconected nature of the lines was mended by following lines. The repetative nature of some of the lines emphasized their importance and like waves that keep comming lap peacefully on the shore of consciousness. The vagueness of some of some of the lines gives it more interest and leaves it open to interpretation by the reader. It rings like an echo in the soul

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Soren!

[Eilis]

This is haunting, hypnotic, darkly meditative. There is a sense of being above the action, a sort of dissociation or out of body experience, and watching the song unfold. It does feel like a song. But like an Emily Dickinson poem it slants at times. Defies the expectation and becomes something slightly different and in doing so grows larger.

There is a sense of continual movement. The restless mind unable to pin itself down seeks grounding outside itself and in doing so stumbles into the grief of others in a sort of living loss. Or perhaps conception of loss. The father seems to bear the emotional weight of what is happening to the child because the mother needs his support and he needs to be strong and ready for the child. That is my conception but also there is a sense that this is the narrative sung by the mind of the child in desperate need of that grounding. Like a vision quest.

I’m not sure. I recognize the space where this kind of song takes place. The place where the mind leads and we must follow because what else can we do. The elemental nature of your imagery harkens back to that need for grounding and perhaps simplicity and the way things unravel is rending to me as I read. It makes me think how personal crises are not the kingdom of the individual alone but borne, also, by those that love them. Strong work.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

your senses are very sharp. i believe i was psychologically dissociating around the time i wrote this. and i tried to project a lot of the sadness onto a narrative and i kept seeing this older man bearing the weight of the world. the rhythm of this piece kind of just came to me. im not a musical person but i love the musicality of language. and i tried to create a bit of an epic verse.

[Throwing Romeo]

This reminds me how important the eddies
in a dangerous flowing river
give the flailing life
a chance to survive.
letting poetry write itself is like
allowing subconscious parts of
our minds contribute a verse for
the sake of the whole.
well written heart felt poetry.


R.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

absolutely. i think most of my work comes from subconscious areas, and this one certainly explored thoughts that were buried deep. i guess in a way i saw myself as this father figure trying to stay strong while quietly suffering.

[Throwing Romeo]

Strong and steady like a rock .