a letter from your father

 

You’re coming, going, rolling like a stone
down the valley where angels come from.

The room is still empty,
a cold patch remains
and I’m rolling, rolling again.

You’re mother doesn’t smile
and I haven’t for a while
there’s a crack in the corner of the frame.

The birds don’t sing, at least not like before
and the sun doesn’t shine as it did.

There are pictures, letters, a dying primrose
hanging over your name
but
everything else is still the same.

 

And I’m rolling and rolling, rolling my sleeves

I’m ready to start work again.

Those working class heroes who don’t have a choice
their children stand up and rejoice.

I stand, and sigh, I fight back the years
still standing before his Grace.

I stand like a statue
under the sun
tall and chin raised high.

And the birds come together
and nest on my shoulder
I sit, dark and heavy as a boulder.

 

I leave, take a stroll, go down to the beach
your hand always out of reach
           like a spoken word lost in the breeze.

The music comes over, crawls on my skin

it’s there burning in the wind.

I’m rolling, rolling into the waves

I wave, I cry out your name.

The children all whisper
the words of a song
that song, it’s over and done.

They’re rolling, rolling like the tears down her face

Rolling towards forgiveness and grace.

 

I’m rolling, I’m rolling, just like the waves
rolling into the reefs.

We’re reaching, reaching as far as the sea
the water never touching our feet.

You’re rolling
down the valley
where the leaves are all green
and the laughter of the kids still ring.

 

While I pray, and pray, every single day
and kneeling to the sound of your name.

Hope you’re happy, happy, happy again
Happy ‘til the end of your days.

Rocking and rolling
down to the floor
rolling like I never did before.

 

Rolling, rolling down the corridor
through the broken glass
and the broken door.

Rolling, falling down at your feet
like the waves rolling into the reefs.

We’re rolling, rolling upon the ocean floor

Rolling and rolling once more. 

2012.

Author's Note

this was written during a hazy period of my life. i was a bit depressed and my thoughts were disordered. thus, i do not really know what i was talking about but a feeling of deep sadness was at the basis. reading this in an old noteook, finding myself in a similar state of mind now, i decided to share it. by the way, i titled this notebook "gEometric sHapes and non-Linear Narratives," which says a lot about where i was.

thank you for all your support. i've been on and off this site but i will try to get back to everyone when i can.

Reviews

[Laz K.]

i won't even try to analyze this write, and just want to comment on how great it is. really. maybe exactly because after having just read it, it doesn't gel into one coherent whole, but it does have such a captivating mood! the intensity of feelings, the struggle over...whatever it is (perhaps more than just one issue), the rhythmic, "rolling," flow of it is just very authentic and intriguing. for some reason, i started seeing Walt Whitman's face as I was reading it. his style is somewhat similar, raw, free-flowing, "cataloguing" lists of things as he goes, or "rolls" along the varied landscape of his own mind.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i discovered Walt Whitman on a shelf in a cafe and i began reading his works and decided that i wanted to write poetry too. so i am flatterred beyond belief that you compared my work to his! this particular work has no real 'story' it is rather exploration of a mood, as you pointed out. i wanted the words to carry a rhythm and immerse the reader into a state of unease. as this was written during a period of depression, it was more like trying to express something hard to put into words. thank you for the cmment, see you soon Laz.

[Poetic Beauty]

To me this sounds like a parent whose child has left home and traveled far away. The heartache in which is felt in a too quiet house and there is no idea when the child will return home or when they will be able to see them again.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

it was written from a subconcious place, but for some reason i wrote it from the perspective of an archetypal father. my dad had been absent in my life, still is, and that free space was something that had been a source of some misery. yet i wrote it from the opposite perspective, for reasons unknown to me. thank you for the comment. i like comments like these that make me rethink my work.

[Poetic Beauty]

Each person has their own perspective depending on life experience and knowledge. This was my perspective.

[Dylan Macadham]

... Pain is everyone's lot. Great write EM.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

it sure is... thank you for the comment as always.

[neil]

Wow. This is so powerful, in an astoundingly painful way. Simultaneously tortuous and torturous, a rare and fiendishly insightful combination.
I don't think I understand fully what it's about. And I'm OK with that. Makes it much more alluring.
As I read through it I thought I had it but then it changed. So I have 3 understandings, each one the same story but involving a different person in your life. Each one more painful than the others.
This is a great poem.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Neil. i like to encourage readers to make their own interpretation, i think that is what writing should be about. i can tell you this is not a 'true' story but it was written while i as depressed, and so the pain you saw here reflects my internal state back then.
i thank you kindly again for taking thetime to read and comment. your words are much appreciated.

[Titilayo Sarah Eguridu]

Each line hung on me like a shadow.
The ache is so thick I could slice through it with a knife.
The unshed tears threatening to break through a dam of self control.
The withering hope, it’s weight on his sanity.
The attempts to rekindle it’s fire.
I felt my heart clutch…
Hope you’re doing well Ern,
Keep writing.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thank you so much. your words make me feel seen and heard. you not only read my work but understood me.
i was very depressed when i wrote this poem although that was long ago. i am still trying to figure things out every day, and posting my writing and getting people to read it helps a lot.

hope to see you again soon. happy new year!

[Titilayo Sarah Eguridu]

Dear Ern,
You will be fine, just take like life one baby step at a time.Save beautiful memories you’re thankful for and unpack them when it feels dark.
Those memories always open flood gates of endless sunshine.
If I am not overstepping…can suggest you start a gratitude journal?
Write three things you’re grateful daily.Find one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one at night.
Let me know what you decide.
Remember, you are not alone.
Have a fantastic year ahead.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thank you. i actually do have a gratitude journal, and it has helped me think about all that there is in the world to be grateful for. recently, things have been extremely stressful, but i think once im over this bump the world will brighten up in a most marvellous way. i hope, i hope...

[D. Mansfield]

This poem gave me goose bumps, I'm not sure why, but I am going to keep reading it

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i think there's a lot uncomfortable feelings explored here but without becoming explicit. we watch from a distance as this family deals with something but without ever knowing what.
thank you for reading. i hope you enjoyed the new years. hope i'll see you around more in 2025.

[Red Brick Keshner]

“Working class man” playing in the background, followed by “rolling, rolling, rolling like a river…” capped of by “unchained melody.” A poem to look back at from a distance and realise it was yesterday today, only yesterday. Hoping for an excellent New Year, for us all.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

yes, that song served as inspiration. not so rock and roll here, but it was here in spirit. happy new year mate.

[Red Brick Keshner]

I get what you mean there about rock and roll. happy new year 🙏🏻

[Neville]

there's a helluva lot of incredible ink splashed around here .. and it all falls neatly into place indeed, there is much more cohesion here than your authors note would lead us to believe .. very impressive Ern & will surely be read again and again .. Neville

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Neville. your comments always make me rethink my writing and im glad you came to this one. merry christmas and happy new year! see you again soon.

[Neville]

Absolutely my pleasure & yes, take care and hear from you soon 🎄⛄️😎👍

[Robert Trakofler]

Whatever state you were in it made for fine lines or almost feels like a lyric but the emotion is very strong the feeling of longing and desperation and reflection is very intense glad I came across this I will read more

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Robert. please come visit my page any time. this work is probably my most musical one. im verystoked you enjoyed it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Yes Ernest. Nothing stays the same. I left my home in 1977 and I returned a stranger in 2000. I like the description used. You allowed the reader to see and feel everything. Good morning from cold and chilly Michigan. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i heard a lot about how cold Michigan gets. stay warm, my friend. and thanks for reading this work. everything changes indeed.