Untitled

Written while in the ICU. I was given permission to leave for a few hours, and I took a train to the coast.

what a treat!

what a feast

for the feet;

the wind blowing 

from the East

Should we head

for the coast

now,

or wait

for all the grey 

clouds to

dissipate?

yeah. 

you might wanna 

feel the breeze

in your hair.

And,

clasp some of 

that

golden sand

they call silence

Silver words 

escape your lips;

One hand resting 

on your hip

Cast your wet eyes

to them distant ships:

"Love" and "Pain"

make a beautiful alliance. 

Author's Note

Some deliberate typos.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this reminds me of being in Salem, Mass.
I was at the oldest park in the states....and it was right off the coast. There was this house, two-story, and a roof that was used as a balcony and the wives would wait up there watching for the fishing boats to come in with their husbands.
I Am reminded of that...and quite enjoy the atmosphere you created that we can actually feel as palpable.

j.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thank you!

[Pryde Foltz]

Oh gorgeous. I really feel like I went to the beach with you and experiences the intense collision of beauty and love, and the fear of its lost. This poem is deceptive for its easy style but dense feeling. Konbatte!!!

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks for dropping by! i'm so happy you read this poem, and extra glad that you understood it on all its levels. that takes a good reader ;)

[Pryde Foltz]

I hope I did. Did you tell me what part of Japan you are from. I worked many moons ago for Aeon near Hiroshima. That is why I ask.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i love hiroshima but alas i am in saitama. it's a smaller city and famously has no famous things in it.

[Pryde Foltz]

Haha ... which island is it on?

[Hallow]

I enjoyed this one a lot. It reminded me of the last time I was at the coast, myself. Home, more or less.

The ending was wonderful. Love and pain go hand in hand more than many realize. Great work!

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Hallow. i can still the beach where i stood that day in my mind's eye. i haven't been back there since, but visiting the beach has always had this soothing effect on me.

[Eilis]

I had a stay in the hospital a few years back and as I read this I felt again keenly the sense I had then of feeling two ways at once when I was able to leave. The thankfulness for having more time to just be and do simple things like fold my clothes or read to my children, and also the sort of heaviness of knowing the difficulties with my health weren’t over.

Your poem has this underlying feeling woven through it—the words love and pain you’ve put in quotations at the end sort of characterize this for me. The way it is possible and realistic to feel two things strongly at once. And to not fully understand either feeling. Or maybe to want to cling tightly to both to try to understand them and yourself better.

There is maybe a message to self in every thing we write in our dark or difficult moments. There’s the danger of losing ourselves or the hope that we can relish the coast even when standing beneath the grey clouds. This is a poem I felt. I’m glad to have read it today.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

Eilis, thank you for sharing your story. it's hard for me to describe how i feel after reading your comment, but i am grateful that you read this poem. you have understood this text even better than i. for that, i will treasure this comment.

[D. Mansfield]

Very nicely done. I'm not smart enough to comment beyond that.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks D. and lol. it's cool, as long as you felt anything while reading it!

[Neville]

a compelling read .. and even before seeing your accompanying note I could sense the temporary feeling of freedom you must have surely felt during those few hours off of ICU .. I subsequently have no hesitation in assigning a full 100/100 and look forward to reading more of your writing my friend .. All Good Things, Neville

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thank you so much Neville. sorry, I'm still new to Writer's Cafe - i guess i should have left a score when i leave a review.
yes, it was a strange in my life. and while being in-patient was critical at the time, getting those few hours on the outside felt so liberating.

[Neville]

You are really more than welcome .. and don't worry, there ae no rules here other than be courteous & fair .. I quite understand those feelings you refer to .. but maybe from the other side of the fence, I have worked on such an ICU before now .. It was a pleasure to have met you and I hope you will be happy here in the Café .. Take care and I wish you all the very best .. Neville

[red93]

Very evocative and atmospheric Ern. Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Amy R]

This piece explores themes of longing, love, and the juxtaposition of pleasure and pain. It captures the sense of yearning for connection and the beauty found in both joyful and sorrowful experiences.
Simple yet very meaningful write, I enjoyed this poem...
Thanks for sharing ✨
-Amy

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

extremely well put! it is my pleasure to share, i hope to see around more often.

[Amy R]

You're welcome. Looking forward to more of your works.

[Bare trees]

I always enjoy work from a new poet who can deliver a feeling, or vibe. I like this a lot as it shows relief from perhaps an uncomfortable situation. You chose your words carefully and the feeling at the end - for me - is somewhat bitter sweet, but mostly one of happiness.

Well done, Ern.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks Bare trees. i generally like to leave my writing open to interpretation. but i did in fact feel bittersweetness around that time.

[Ken e Bujold]

Beautiful poem Ern. A heady mix of senses at play. Longing and melancholy so often walk hand in hand, which is captured here.
My first read of your work, much to enjoy and ponder. Very much looking forward to reading more of your work.

Ken e

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thank you Ken. sorry for the lateness of my reply. i will try to pen more verses and post them here as soon as i can.

[Lena Chere]

It is very effective the way you used simple words and then suddenly cut to deeper ideas - the sand called silence, and the love and pain. It's like going to the coast on the surface and a lot going on beneath the surface.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thank you Lena. and sorry for my late reply. i'm very glad you enjoyed this poem on many levels.