Dark Wishing

I wish I could be like the man on the bench
throwing scraps of bread to the pigeons
A mask of calmness and peace and serenity
So at ease in his trousers and green buttoned shirt

But maybe he is just like me
He could just be putting on a show for us all
Wishing that the scraps were something else
Wishing that they were scraps of himself
That he could pull himself to pieces bit by bit
and throw it to the hungry beaks
begging for another crumb

Maybe he, like me, would want to pick at himself
and throw it away
Give myself to something more deserving than me
To let the hungry beaks swallow each piece whole
and not leave a trace
that anything was there at all

 

For now though we stand apart and walk away
My eyes closed, ears listening
To their wings and claws and beaks

Wishing

Hoping for them to swoop and take me away
To help me disappear