Too much pain for Two

was written for contest - 8 lines that rhyme

 

All the pain and sorrow she cannot show

So much she has to risk to hide it down below

The surface of her skin now a soft pale glow

In her mind forever, she drowns within her woe

 

She recognizes the fact that the child within must go

Upon this life, the man himself, a pain she must bestow

To hard, it is, to live the life of a single teenage mother, so,

She knows its not just her life, that she will now throw

 

Reviews

[Gary H]

Enjoyed the change in layout of this. The final line could maybe do with a bit of tweeking. I think if you have written it in shorter lines you would have avoided some of the reaction of the other reviewers. However, if you don't try things out you will never know the outcome so well done for being brave.

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

Sad poem. Too familiar a message. :( I think your rhyme does you a disservice here, because you are stretching words to rhyme, and it makes your sentences a little awkward and strained. I would love to see you write something on the same subject but let yourself flow free. I think you have a powerful point to deliver. As it stands, it should be "too hard". Interesting beginning. Keep writing!

[Cordell]

Okay poem but it was too much rhyming, felt like an adult version of Dr. Suess book! Hmm thats my opinion and it doesn't matter keep it up peace & stay safe...