Message in a Bottle

Renee is saying a final goodbye to the ocean she loves.

A bottle fixed between greedy fingers tipped, a carbonated fluid slicking down the neck of it.

 

Renee finished the whole thing in a few gulps. Any day was a good day to have a lukewarm root beer. The sand clung to her legs and held her fast, the tide rolling in to swallow her whole while she was trapped.

 

A few days remained before she would depart from her coastal oasis. A new job awaited her a few states over. She’d finished college and now she had to face the demons of adulthood. Alone.

 

Her ocean was her comfort zone; she’d traded it all for a desk job. A sacred relationship had been shattered on the rocks of responsibility. The hush of the seafoam seemed to whisper to her.

 

“Betrayal.”

 

She sighed, affirming to the glassy waters that she knew--she knew that she’d given up. She’d sold out. In its stead would be some forgettable desk with photos of mediocre life framed all around--reminders of what she’d given up.

 

The dark, amber bottle in her hand was sticky with syrup and sweat. She’d been holding it as long as she’d been sitting on the beach; that was at least a few hours.

 

Regret wallowed up in her chest as she imagined what life would be away from the sea that she’d confessed all of her secrets to. Who would she share her worries with once she departed? Would she ever return? Would she find peace where she would soon settle?

 

She had no choice; she had to take the job. She couldn’t escape adulthood and responsibility forever. But losing a part of her soul along the way hadn’t been her plan.

 

For a moment, she allowed herself the childish thoughts she’d shoved away for so many years.

 

How I long to be a mermaid.

 

To trade her legs for a tail seemed merciful. To slip beneath the surface of the water and be washed away by the depths of a world far beneath her… It would be a miraculous gift.

 

A thought struck her; she began the task of peeling the wrapper from the base of the bottle. Careful not to let it tear, she successfully pulled the wrapper off in a piece large enough for her to pen her thoughts. A sharpie marker stuck out of her pocket, begging her to write the truth.

 

Dear Ocean,

 

Take me home.

I wish to be a part of you

As you have been a part of me.

Don’t let this cruel world take

Of me the soul that I have left.

 

-R

 

The space on the back of the wrapper ran out faster than she’d expected. She had nothing to cork the bottle with--she would have to trust the ocean to carry her message and take it. Or leave it.

 

Flashing terrors of a simple life sent her heart racing. A scream suffered at the edge of her lips--a plea ready to let loose to the very beast she had betrayed by signing her contract that day. It was her only hope; she hadn’t trusted it as she should. Her soul was long gone now.

 

If only she’d thought to stop herself from signing her life away to a place where the sea could never be.

 

She curled the paper up and stuffed it inside.

 

She wished her bottle a bon voyage of tears and sorrow greater than any she’d felt. Satisfied that she’d done her best to send it far, she turned her back to the sea.

 

Whether or not the ocean heard her call, it would be the last time she felt its salty spray or heard its soft voice. Indeed, the life behind a desk would gobble her up and never spit her out again.

 

All the way home, she dreamed of fins she could never have and a world beneath the Earth that she would never see.

 

Author's Note

Thank you all for reading ^^

It's been lightly edited, but please forgive any mistakes. Tried something a little different based on a writing prompt book I got from my mother.

Reviews

[janice]

Living near the ocean I definitely understand how it can mesmerize and comfort. I could feel the sadness and tension of loss, nice visuals and emotions. I was confused as to weather she was morning the loss of childhood innocence upon accepting the responsibilities of adulthood or morning loss of her soul for some unknown debt. Perhaps some rewording in would make things clearer.
My thoughts would be: the 12th line --- Regret wallowed up in her chest as she imagined what life would be away from the sea that the childhood playground she’d confessed all of her secrets to.
The second from the last paragraph ---- Whether or not the ocean heard her call, it would be the last time she her non-responsible innocence felt its salty spray or heard its soft voice.
Also I would have thought she would put the cap on the bottle after she put the note inside. Unless her intent was to have her words become part of the water droplets in the ocean?
Janice

[Eris Marriott]

Hi there! Sorry for the late reply; thank you for your input! I'm glad that I was able to convey the emotions here well.

I'll consider your commentary for potential revisions. This could definitely use some clarity in the areas you described. Thank you for pointing that out!

[KCthelastboyscout]

Written like a dream
Poignant and vivid imagery capture the reader's imagination
A joy reading something so beautiful

[Eris Marriott]

Thank you so much! ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[LazerRays]

This is very good for the god of strife! I too dream of fantasy to escape life. Though for me it's usually being a pirate or a hero on a quest. Like in my poem daydream as you commented on, I rather be fighting monsters than fighting problems.... Hmm. That would make a good poem! Imma write one now! Team rockets blasting off again! (my way of goodbye)

[Eris Marriott]

Thank you for the response! ^^

Yes, sometimes my chaos rests enough for me to put some words together in a coherent form.

Glad to have sent you off with inspiration. Write away!

[LazerRays]

Sorry again,

Prepare for trouble!
And make it double!
To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love!
To extend our reach to the stars above!
Sarah!
Meow! (my cat)
Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!
Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meow! Meow! Meow!

[Eris Marriott]

Lol, nice. ^^

[LazerRays]

No! Not nice! Team Rocket is evil! We are an organized group of crime! *scoff* nice? Ha! We cause more trouble th-
*eye twitches at the word*
I-I c-can't s-s-stop my urge t-to.... GAH!
Prepare for trouble!
Make it double!
Here's our mission, so you better listen!
To infect the world with devastation!
To blight all people in every nation!
To denounce the goodness of truth and love!
To extend our wrath to the stars above!
Cassidy!
And butch of course!
Team Rocket circling earth day and night!
Surrender to us now or you will surely lose the fight!

[Eris Marriott]

But what if I like evil? Then maybe it is nice ;) I'm the goddess of strife, remember?

[LazerRays]

Ah, but no matter what perspective you look at it, good as evil are firmly rooted. The branches of it however, can be looked at differently.