Is it better to speak or to die?

I watched “call me by your name” and seen a few people write about this quote so I decided to do so as well :)

Is it better to speak or to die.

These 8 words have been consuming my entire thought process recently as I gravitate towards the latter. I wonder if breaking the shuddering silence to voice my honest true thoughts will the world stop? Would they stand there in awe as I spill out my utter most self, my whole conscience, the whole inner workings of my brain and my thoughts on the world around me. Is it worth it? Would people listen to what I have to say… or is this something I’ll have to “seal my lips” for or “take to the grave” because god forbid I reveal to them what keeps me up at night or what shakes me down to my core, down to my last sense of self ,Is it worth it? My wardrobe hoarding skeletons that poison my every thought. The hinges rusting with anxiety as the foreboding fear seeps through. To wonder what would happen if I were to betray this once solemn promise is forbidden. This unprecedented measure may spiralize my integrity and leave me with nothing or i would gain everything but the question I still ask myself is ,is it better to speak or to die? -My fear is that once I speak I will die. Once I reveal my most intimate and personal thoughts what will happen to me? Will the floor beneath me swallow me up sending me on a death drop straight to hell or perhaps a permanent state of purgatory where every passer by is made aware of my presence. Somewhat worse then hell. a state of nothingness for eternity, embarrassed by my involuntarily vow of silence. If I speak I risk the danger of being misunderstood and judged by my peers among me however if I die I miss the opportunity to be understood and to cleanse my soul. A “clean slate” a “clear conscience” I want to experience that sigh of relief, where’s my reassuring hug that everything will be okay?


Was it worth it?..

Author's Note

Please please excuse the spelling, punctuation and grammar :))) !!!

Reviews

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Tremendous emotion.

[Betty Hermelee]

This is a very sad and almost tragic poem, very well crafted...it seems that you have so many dark clouds in your inner being, almost ready to explode... it is so painful to hold in your dark thoughts and actions.... and it is very difficult to let the steam out because of fear of retribution, or judgement.... it's damned if you do and damned if you don't.... my opinion has always been to scream out my demons to someone you trust and let it all out.... so you can move on...there is hope...and you will not die if you bare your soul...you will enlighten yourself.... a very well written piece
Warmly, B