Three Words

This is a Spoken Word Poem about my Step-Father.

Every time I heard you say I love you it left me feeling empty and hollow.
As if you had taken a knife and cut out of me the true definition of those three words.
How could you treat me like you did?
Did you ever truly love me at all?
Or were those just pointless words you spoke?

You should have never been a father!
And in my eyes you will never be fit to be called one.

You have no idea the amount of pain you inflicted.
But all of my memories are still clear and I think about them every day.

Do you have any idea of the things you took for granted?
Some men would kill to have your life and you crumpled yours up like a piece of paper and threw it away.

All of the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse that I took from you every day;
I remember it all!

As a father you are suppose to love and protect your family and cherish every minute you have with them.
At what point in your life did this become hard to understand!?

And all of that pain that you gave me: I kept it locked up inside.
I locked it away like a prisoner in solitary and then I threw away the key.
I started to look for love in all of the wrong places and that would eventually lead to my addiction to masturbation.

Once you died I fell deeper and deeper into my sin until Jesus found me and gave me my life back again.
And as my relationship with him grew I started to see that the one thing that was holding me back was my inability to forgive you.

I know now that it wasn't all your fault.
Like me you also had your vices.
I will always wonder when that glass bottle became your God but Oh who am I to call you out!?
Let he who has no sin cast the first stone and I am far from sinless without a doubt.

I know now that the reason you were unable to show me a father's love is because yours never showed it to you.
And it took me a long time; after I opened that locked cell and let my heart pour out all of its anger and hatred for you I was finally able to forgive you.
And I'm happy you were my father, you may not have been good, but from your mistakes I learned a thousand ways of how not to be one.

And the last thing I want you to know is that I keep you in my thoughts and prayers every day and because of you I am never afraid to use those three words that were so hard for you to say.

Reviews

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Wow. This was so awesome. I read something once about someone who grew up with an awful person as a father, and at the end of the story it was nothing but how much they hated them and wished they would go to hell, and a bunch of awful things. I think it is so inspiring how you chose to forgive your step-dad. I know forgiving people who have done nothing but wrong to you is probably one of the most difficult things to do. But the fact that you can do that makes you such a strong person, and I admire you for that. I can definitely tell God has awesome things planned in store for you :)

[Erik Daniel]

:) Thank you. I'm actually looking into doing youth ministry right now!

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Oh really? That would be so awesome!!! :)

[Erik Daniel]

I know. I really feel that that is where God is leading me. I feel I can share my testimony with teens that are going through what I did and then I can share the hope that I found in the end.

[❤ Maggie ❤]

That would be so amazing. :) I've actually been thinking about possibly counseling for young teenage girls. It's such an amazing feeling when you can share what you've gone through and actually help people with it. It kind of make me think sometimes that even though what I've been through wasn't very good at all, if I can use it to help people, it all seems worth it.

[Erik Daniel]

YES! I know the feeling! I've actually looked into counseling too!

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Really? That is so neat. Even before everything I went through, ever since I was a little kid I've always been SO interested in people and their lives and stuff. Even more so now, since I can actually relate a little bit better.

[Erik Daniel]

That's cool! I checked out your blog too. You are very smart. I can see God working in you.

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Aw thank you so much!! That means so much. I am so excited about my blog, it's actually helped me, personally, as well, just by writing it.

[Erik Daniel]

I know what you mean. At my church, for youth group, I actually lead a young guys group and as I prepare lessons for it I can feel God just teaching me.

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Oh wow. That is so cool. It's funny because I never knew what it really meant when people would say that God would speak to them, but I do now. Like it's amazing.

[Erik Daniel]

The greatest feeling. But yeah I actually wrote my poem The Lighthouse today because in a talk I had with God I was asking him what he wanted from me in my life and I got a lighthouse. Lol

[❤ Maggie ❤]

That is so neat. :) I really loved that one, actually. It was so inspiring!

[Erik Daniel]

Thanks. Means more than you know.

[❤ Maggie ❤]

You're most welcome. :)

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid emotional poem....Bravo...................

[Erik Daniel]

Thanks bro! Glad you liked it!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome bro...:)......................

[Erik Daniel]

You should check out more of my writing.

[The Spirit Chaser]

Very emotional. It takes some courage to pour such feelings into a poem. It's the best way to deal with them, though... Never hate the experience. You have the right approach--take everything that happens in your life, whether good or bad, and turn it into a life lesson.

[Erik Daniel]

Thanks hun. ;)

[Tarella]

That's a really beautiful poem...I'm so happy that you found Jesus and He healed your broken heart...this poem is lovely testimony of your life and hope for other teenagers out there that no matter what they are going through,God can still help them and His Love flows freely towards us..

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you! Means a lot!