Every time I heard you say I love you it left me feeling empty and hollow. As if you had taken a knife and cut out of me the true definition of those three words. How could you treat me like you did? Did you ever truly love me at all? Or were those just pointless words you spoke?
You should have never been a father! And in my eyes you will never be fit to be called one.
You have no idea the amount of pain you inflicted. But all of my memories are still clear and I think about them every day.
Do you have any idea of the things you took for granted? Some men would kill to have your life and you crumpled yours up like a piece of paper and threw it away.
All of the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse that I took from you every day; I remember it all!
As a father you are suppose to love and protect your family and cherish every minute you have with them. At what point in your life did this become hard to understand!?
And all of that pain that you gave me: I kept it locked up inside. I locked it away like a prisoner in solitary and then I threw away the key. I started to look for love in all of the wrong places and that would eventually lead to my addiction to masturbation.
Once you died I fell deeper and deeper into my sin until Jesus found me and gave me my life back again. And as my relationship with him grew I started to see that the one thing that was holding me back was my inability to forgive you.
I know now that it wasn't all your fault. Like me you also had your vices. I will always wonder when that glass bottle became your God but Oh who am I to call you out!? Let he who has no sin cast the first stone and I am far from sinless without a doubt.
I know now that the reason you were unable to show me a father's love is because yours never showed it to you. And it took me a long time; after I opened that locked cell and let my heart pour out all of its anger and hatred for you I was finally able to forgive you. And I'm happy you were my father, you may not have been good, but from your mistakes I learned a thousand ways of how not to be one.
And the last thing I want you to know is that I keep you in my thoughts and prayers every day and because of you I am never afraid to use those three words that were so hard for you to say.
So happy to read another great poem! I tried to review certain aspects carefully (like structure and the flow) because you said it was a spoken poem.
Critique:
Every time I heard you say I love you it left me feeling empty and hollow.
Consider adding quotes around “I love you.” Since this is intended as a spoken word poem, it would be easier to read realizing that “I love you” was something someone else said.
As if you had taken a knife and cut out of me the true definition of what those three words mean.
“What those three words mean” sounds a bit cluttered, because of the word definition that was mentioned earlier. With a bit of cutting and rearranging, this line can be smoothed out a bit. Something like; “As if you had taken a knife and cut out of me the true definition of those three words.”
You have no idea the amount of pain you inflicted but all of my memories are still clear and I think about them every day.
Nice word choice here! The word ‘inflicted’ always brings across a strong image. Consider breaking this up though. Perhaps a period after ‘inflicted’, then start a new line with ‘But.’
Do you have any idea of the things you took for granted?
Some men would kill to have your life and you crumpled yours up like a piece of paper and threw it away.
I know now that it wasn't all your fault.
Wow! Immense turning point in this poem. Beautiful line here.
I will always wonder when that glass bottle became your God
Another really strong line.
Overall: You should really consider recording yourself reading this! It would be lovely to hear it spoken with passion behind the words. Great job, and the ending was wonderful. I loved it!
This was such a powerful and emotional piece. It kind of hit me emotionally because I have been through the same thing. Stay strong, your a great writer, you hit people just in that emotional spot.
Wow, gut wrenching and beautiful rendering of a prevalent problem. God, it is hard being human and having to deal with all the crazy and thoughtless things we are capable of. God, it is wonderful when we find the open door that leads to light and acceptance. Humans are truly confusing, I am so glad you found the key.
Good for you...cleaned out your heart and thus broke that cycle of hatred and selfishness
You are a far better man today because of that....good work bro
this is a very powerful poem. I understand that fathers can be harsh and i hope you can overcome this pain and if you ever become a parent, that you can be the best parent that you can be. I know i wil be doing the same :)
This is very heartfelt, it sounds like you had to go through a lot, but in the end you found God and it made you a stronger person. Forgiveness is very hard to do when someone has hurt us so bad but when we do forgive it brings relief and healing. I understand now why God is so important to you as a father figure.
This was a very deep, emotional, moving piece.
I cant imagine what you had to go though.
Some people are sick, as was he. He never appreciated his family, and never was a good farther, and that's just sad.
I'm sorry for all you went through.
I guess he taught you not to be like that, when you have your own family.
Amazing write truly, straight from your heart, which makes this even better.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked it! All glory to God!
I've been using writing as an outlet for the stress and anger of life since I was a kid. More just freestyle or creative writing than anything. I let my feelings guide me more..