"Everlasting proof"

I wanted the structure of this poem to match the words.

The sentences I can not speak to you

will overf

 

l

 

 

o

 

 

w

 

in poetry,

each wowill hug parchmentrd

how I long to hold you.

 

The metaphors will hold a secret

to be decoded by the heart;

each comma a pause,

expressing how I hold my breath,,,,,,,

waiting to be with you.

 

Line breaks will represent

 

 

 

 

the void within my heart

and the suspense of what's to come;

each period an assertion

as absolute as my feelings towards you.

 

If the meter seems fast it's only because my pulse races from memories of you,

if the meaning becomes obscure

I apologize, it's complicated.

 

Each key I touch is just a substitute

in place of what I can not;

each feeling is MOwithLDtheEDink,

every statement an utter truth,

down to the last word.

 

Proof of an emotion everlasting.

Author's Note

I was wanting to try something new with the structure of the poem. Let me know how it works.

Reviews

[Legacy]

EricGodsil,

This is an ingeniously thought and well-structured poem... nay poem is not nearly the word I need.

Tapestry... this is a wonderfully woven piece of tapestry for the world to behold. I am stunned by the artistic talent you have with each line. It takes far more than mere words to conquer this task, and you my friend have done it.

As a writer, I tend to search for words to describe the feeling I felt when reading another’s words, here I am searching for words to describe the art I just saw.

This is a very original piece with excellent potential for becoming groundbreaking. I ponder on how many people have actually attempted this currently. I know I will - at least on scratch paper.

Thank you for displaying your art,

Legacy

You should place this one in the Love contest for Poetic Infusion Society.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Loved the structure, I believe you acheived what you set out to do! Amazing work!

[Sammy]

This poem is so clever! I love how you've used language here to literally convey how you are feeling. Many of use poetry to convey our emotions, but very few of us successfully use literary techniques in this way. Very clever, very well writ and very powerfull. Good write.

[i was the sun]

From word placement to word selection, this brilliantly conveys the excitement of love. I especially enjoyed your lines:

"expressing how I hold my breath,,,,,,,"

and

"each feeling is MOwithLDtheEDink,"

I am thankful that you have shared such a beauty.

[Reverent]

Unique and gripping in a powerful way that keeps the reader on his toes, while keeping the entwined with cutting wordplay. I hope to see more of this style in the future, I think that you could gain your own identity with these compositions, not to mention that they are intricately flavorful to the reader.

[...]

. a dramatic format ... for very vivid poetry ... these images are fascinating ... so real ... and yet surreal ...

[none]

It's new, interesting way with words. From voids to an everlasting emotion, it was a small trip.