Reborn Chpt 1

We meet David

Chapter 1

The shade beneath the heavy curtains glowed a dull orange from the sun hanging just above the horizon. The dim light highlighting the dust covered surfaces of the small bedroom. A large dresser against the wall, the door beside it. A large mirror hanging above, dust filling the crevices of the fine scroll worked frame. A glass menagerie of animal figurines roamed the top like a fictional savanna where an elephant stands proud as a tiger stalks an ostrich while pair of penguins watch in formal attire. The faded floral print of the wallpaper providing the backdrop to the wild world of glass. A small twin bed with a nightstand against the wall opposite the dresser completed the room. A pack of cigarettes, an ashtray and a disposable lighter were all that sat on the nightstand.

 

David turned in the bed. The hours of sleep subsiding, the ache of his shoulder was starting to return. He had slept on it again. He knew he needed to sleep on his back, or at the least his other shoulder, but he was never able to sleep unless he was curled up on his left side. The pain would subside. The red hearts on his white flannel pajamas had faded to pink. A stray string hung from the leg as he swung his legs off the bed to slip his feet into his brown slippers. The nails of his toes were to long and yellowed. He hadn't cut them in a while, but "Who ever sees em?" he thought.

 

Propelled by the urge to pass water, David rose. The snapping of his back, plain and loud, drew a grimace as he crossed the room to the door. The hallway was dark, only the faintest of light penetrating the heavy drapes of it's only window. Hitting the switch as he crossed to the first door down, the bathroom was illuminated by the simple round fixture in the ceiling. Passing the claw foot tub with the palm tree curtain, he lifted the seat with his left while freeing his member with the right. Staring at the dull acoustic tiles of the ceiling he waited. He had to go, but things didn't always work right at his age. The sigh of relief as the water started to pass was silent but visible and brought a slight hint of a smile as it's crimson flow stained the water pink in an expanding cloud.

Breakfast was cold, and not very satisfying. David longed for a nice thick ham steak and a couple of eggs over easy. Not anymore tho, not for him. His belly was full however, and that was comforting, a shower, a shave, some fresh clothes and his routine was done. The lights of the street, passing through the shade drawn over the window, dimily lit the hall to his front door.    David grabbed his overcoat from it's customary position on the lone wall peg, his shoulder ached as he threw it on, but it was better then when he woke.

 

David heard the laughter as he reached for the knob of the heavy oak door. The light from the street cast a shadow of the man standing just beyond.

 

"Shhhh, Dude. I gotta go. heh eh" David heard as he brought his attention to the figure. The high chiming sound of water soon followed as the man relieved himself on David's step. Releasing a sigh of disgust, David turned heading back to his kitchen. Moving with the speed of purpose he marched into the kitchen. The walls in white wainscoting with yet another floral patterned wallpaper above. The table, really just a card table, had two chairs sitting beneath the bright ceiling light in the center of the room. He moved past the white fridge, a magnetic image of Tweety Bird looked lonely in the center of the upper door of the freezer. A wooden block with the black wooden handles of several knives sat on the counter with a large roll of cellophane behind. Opening the cabinet door above the knives, David reached in to grab a large plastic pitcher. Originally an opaque white it was now stained, with all but the top inch or so a dirty red as if a thousand pitchers of fruit punch had been made in it. Filling it at the sink with hot water he moved back down the hallway.

 

David opened the door the smell of fresh urine hit his senses along with all the sensations the street had to offer. The chill of the air, the streetlights reflecting off the wet road as the cars passed. Their lights brightening the landscape in a constant procession. The neon signs of the convenience store across the way, and all bathed in the red, green, or amber of the streetlight just one house down the hill. Dumping the pitcher of water along the wall and letting it run down to the tile he watched as it ran over his landing and down the steps, washing the foul odor away.

 

Placing the pitcher down on the floor just inside the door he closed it behind him, the reassuring click of the lock not enough as he jiggled the door to be sure it was closed. Pulling his coat in around him, the collar adjusted against the wind, David stepped out onto High street and considered his options for the night. Breathing deeply the salt in the air brought his thoughts to the waterfront, or maybe the Old Port. The shops would be closing soon but the bars would just be hopping he thought as he looked up the hill into the oncoming traffic.

 

A wafting cry of "DUDE!" arose from behind him turning his attention down the hill. His gaze going beyond the light at Park avenue to the ancient grove of oaks beyond. The streetlights of High street as it curved down through the park illuminated the pair as they stumbled along, one pushing the other, practically sending him down as he stumbled over the curb.

 

The chill wind momentarily eased and the scent of urine stained David's nose.

'Maybe a nice walk in the park would be a good way to stretch these old legs' thought David.

Reviews

[An Ordinary Woman]

I like a descript when I read a book/story but this is a lot. However, your writing has a poetic twang to it and for me, that is good. I think as long as your story moves forward before the reader gets bored or frustrated with it, it's fine. Keep writing, Eric. It's good.

[Tegon Maus]

Hi Eric... I think you’re trying a little too hard. You have so much description that the story bogs down... its not moving forward. I think if you write just like you speak it’s far more effective. You wouldn’t tell your wife about the dust covering the furniture in that kind of detail... not if you want to stay married !! Writing it the way you did... "the scent of urine stained David's nose." makes it seem like his nose had come in contact with it and some still remained. I don't think that's what you meant. You can break your book up... add each chapter as a chapter giving you more to offer anyone that wants to read you. They may like to read chapter 3 but pass on 1 and 2. It will give your story better control. You should read the stuff from ATG or Archia or Wendy Gardner... all are very helpful and very prolific. There are a lot of good people here to help you... don’t be afraid to ask