The Fearing Conclusion

I wrote this for a contest on here about fear. Considering I wrote this so fast, I don't think it's very good, but prove me wrong would you?

The Fearing Conclusion

Do you hear that?

Do you feel that?

Can you keep yourself from breaking?

 

I am not normal;

I do not feel

Sane.

See through the façade;

Break down the monster!

 

I am calm;

There is no reason to fear,

Until the monster

Comes out to play.

 

Fear is commonplace.

So many things that frighten,

But Control is rare.

 

Fear can be overcome,

But Control must be obtained

And when it is lost…

Terror comes into play.

 

Do you hear that?

Do you feel that?

Can you keep yourself from breaking?

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I would say that your have the right idea with your short and potent lines, but this could be much better.

I think that the first stanza is ok. I can get into it until Break down the monster which, while it isn't a terrible line, seems like something a child would scream. So, I guess this has a slightly juvenile feel. I don't think it's bad, but I don't think that's what you wanted, either.