Know me a million more times

I wrote this for the different people that have helped me in tough times.

When I stand before you, please tell me, what is it that you see?

Is there some hidden potential or someone strong deep inside that I've yet to find? Is it feigned positivity, or do you really know me?

 

My spirit was mangled, my bones were numb; you were there so I learned how to ignore it but not how to make it go away. My half hearted act

 

You think I'm no longer weak, you think I've gotten better. But have I? Sometimes I feel I've gotten ahead, other times I feel like I'm still in the past but I can't let you down. Maybe I'd like to just to have you here again

 

Being at ease seems impossible. I tried to be like you but I couldn’t. I tried to imitate you but I couldn’t. I wanted it all, but I couldn’t

 

You tried to show me, you did your best. I made it look real, could you see through that? I caused you trouble, I caused you pain. But you stayed

 

I was ungrateful. I should’ve found more courage. The little I had was borrowed from you and I couldn’t take asking for more.

But now more than ever, I need it. I need you

 

When I stand before you, please tell me, what is it that you see? Pretending I’m fine seems like a lie and I can’t look at you straight and do that. Showing my pain seems like a cry for help but that I can’t do any longer. I’m supposed to be strong now. I should be. If I had truly learned anything from you, shouldn’t I be?

 

Adulthood seems far but my childhood has run out. Will I ever feel comfortable? Will my mind ever work the way that it should? You always had every answer

 

I still feel like I need you here, to convince me all over again.