Detached

Detached

______________________

I can't do this anymore. 

I'm hardly even breathing correctly anymore.

Feeling pieces of myself drift away each and every day.

I hoped I was wrong and that it wasn't true.

But I'm too hurt to care anymore.

I knew better.

Everyone told me it wasn't right.

I shouldn't have stayed.

I let them go.

And they were right.

I hate every ounce of my body.

Of my mind and my heart.

Because now none of it belongs to me anymore.

My body stolen as a child, 

My mind rearranged into something I don't recognize anymore,

And my heart which is now shattered. 

The worst part of it is.
I'm still waiting on you.
I did everything I could to forget you.

I even fell in love again.
I was happy.

I was finally free.

Then I get left behind.

Again.

And again.

Over and over..

Until I realized that this is my trauma.

That is what I fear the most. 

The very thing I keep experiencing.

Being left behind.

Like my mother leaving me in that dreadful house with that awful man.

My friends slipping away to the futures they decided that they wanted.

And then the people I happen to fall in love with.

At this point, I give up.
I didn't want to try again.
Then he showed up and I let it slide.

But I regret it.
All I did was get hurt again.

I didn't even try to fight against it this time.

There's no point.

And I am angry.

I never get angry..

Yet I am furious.

So if you come back.
You will be met with silence.

I will not respond to you.

I'm done with excuses.

Hiding how you feel.
I can't do it anymore.

The worst part is..
I haven't shed a tear.

I hurt, but I haven't cried.

Not for you.
Not now.

Not anymore.

I refuse to accept any apologies.

Third time's a charm, right?
You aren't sorry.

Not anymore.

Goodbye.

Reviews

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Visceral and openly revealing in soul. This effectual piece has much resonance to those who experience the same disillusionment in their lives when it comes to the heart. Thank you for sharing your poem Ennay.