Unsaid Words

I left with many unsaid words.

I wanted to tell you each and every one of them.

But I always grew too nervous.

Too scared that I could ruin what I had with you.

And then I did.

Now I sit on the bus.

Watching as the sun rises.

Through my blurred vision.

And lately I had been distancing myself.

Without even realizing it.

I regretted it each and every time.

Somehow I would convince myself.

Deeming me as unworthy of someone like you.

Because to me.

You’re perfect.

And I fell in love with you on accident.

Yet I was so thankful for that.

You made each day better than the last.

Then one day you grew so upset that you left.

Waking up the next morning and realizing you never wanted to leave.

You were just hurt.

And that was my fault.

You even tried to come back.

But then I deflected everything you said.

I was hurt.

Not just by you-

But by your family.
And the reminder that maybe I wasn’t what you needed.

I hated that feeling.

I wanted to be yours.

I still do.

But I feared you wouldn’t want me like you used to.

And I feared that because of that.

I wouldn’t be able to love you back.

It’s only been a day.

Not even 24 hours.

How pathetic am I?

Truly-

I’m still hopelessly in love with you.

Me saying that I “accepted it.”

That wasn’t true.

I was just hurt.

And I didn’t know how to turn my hurt into words.

But now I do.

Just a moment too late.

So now I’m left with these unsaid words.

Knowing that I’ll never get to say them.

Or hear you tell me that you love me again.

And it hurts so much.

I can hardly stop crying.

But what hurts the worst is that one day-

You’d find someone new.

And they would get to hear those words.

But it’s my fault.

And I don’t have the guts that you did to ask for you to come back.

I’m not sure you would.

I wish you would.

I wish I could pretend this was all a bad dream.

And yet.

Here we are in the waking world.

Where we both feel unfit for each other.

And yet we want each other just as much.