I Am The Worst Person That I Know

I am the worst person that I know. 

I’m a liar.

And I’ll tell everyone what they want to hear.

Just so that I can pass from underneath their eyes.

My friends think that I am one of the smartest people that they know.

And I let them think that.

I do whatever I can to make sure it stays that way.

Because what if they knew the truth?

How long would they truly stay?

I am the disappointment of my family.

I will never compare to my sister’s musical talent.

Or my brother’s athletic ability.

And I let it eat me up inside.

So far deep that they only begin to see me as ignorant.

But I feel things that I could never admit to them.

My teachers tend to see me the most.

Seeing through the cracks of my false-confidence.

Finding the internal-conflict that’s eating me away inside.

My director. 

He worries about me. 

I’m not doing well in the one class that I’m supposed to love.

But I was never falling out of love with the band.
I was falling out of love with myself.

And I don’t know how to put my shattered heart back together.

I let go of the best thing that ever happened to me.

And you might think I’m dramatic.

But I don’t care.

This isn’t for you.

He’s so sweet and kind.

And he doubted himself.

Enough to the point he thought he wasn’t enough for me.

And even now, I disagree.

But I was hurt.

So when he tried to fix things I pushed him away.

Now all day.

Every day.

I am tormented by that fact.

He was perfect to me.

He made me smile.

He made me laugh.

And he loved me.

At first he hurt me.

But I hurt him more.

So now he’s gone.

And it’s all my fault.

I am utterly alone.

But it’s too late.

I caused too much damage.

Now I can never have him back.