Tightrope v2

These poems mirror each other..

Now it's my turn to be the one crossing the tightrope.

Staring across at someone who is already on the other side.

And they're waiting on me.

Yet they're patient.

Because they know I'm afraid of heights.

But I can't stop the shaking in my hands as I look over the edge for the ground.

Once I had believed that I could cross this tightrope.
And I ended up being the person to wait.

But this time is different.

This time it's real.

And I'm afraid.

They're so kind.

It would be so easy to follow after them.

But as I glance at the crowd that stands behind them..

My heart makes me feel guilty.

They have people that they care about over there.

I shouldn't waste their time.

Especially when I'm just too afraid to cross this damn tightrope.

But then I fear something new.

I knew they would never forget about me.
That just isn't in their nature.

But I fear that if I did tell them to go on without me..

They would listen.

And I would eventually see nobody on the other side of this tightrope.

Because I was too scared to admit what I truly wanted.

Maybe I did want them to stay.

What if I did want to take up their time?
And I knew they wouldn't mind it at all.

But I can't have that guilt in my heart.

Not when it comes to them.

And the things I had planned to tell them when I had crossed..

I let them all go.

Letting myself tear up with a sad smile as they talk to the others.

I won't be the one to hold them back.

I can't do that to them.

Even if they don't see it that way.

I want them to be happy.

And if that means I have to cut the tightrope that they threw for me.

So be it.

I would still see them.

We would still be the same to each other.

But I would sacrifice my time with them.

Just so that they could be happy,

So that I wouldn't hold them back from everyone else who cares for them too.

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Maybe it was because I never truly celebrated Christmas Eve as I had wished.

What a simple tradition.

Watching the same movie on the same day every single year.

I sort of watched it with my family.

But I didn't entirely enjoy it.

Because they weren't the people I had in mind on watching it with.

And I don't mind.

I was content in my decision.
To let you go.

Though it did hurt a little..

But that was on me.
I wanted to make it a surprise as to what I wanted to watch with you.

So don't feel guilty.

Never feel guilty for something that I choose.

I always have my reasons.

Even if those reasons turn out to be pretty stupid later on.

One of the rare moments where I realized too late..

That I was wrong.

But I keep my promise.

To make you happy.

So perhaps one day we can make it a tradition.

It would be worth the wait.

You are always worth the wait.

But now I sit in my own puddle of shame.

Knowing that I did have the chance.

Yet I refused to hog you for myself.

Maybe one day I'll have more confidence to do so.