Home

I just wanna be where you are.

Home

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When I was younger I moved around a lot.

I never really made many friends this way.

I got along better with my principal.

Way more than other kids my age.

She was kind to me.

Let me spend time with her in her office.

I didn’t make friends well.

Maybe that was why I noticed the turtle sitting in the bushes.

I had been the only one not playing with the others.

I saw the Box-Turtle sitting there.

But then some other kid had to come and claim it.

Taking it to the teacher who eventually made it their pet.

I never saw it again.

Eventually I moved schools again.

I made an unexpected friend.

Both of our parents worked late.

So we stayed till 6 at the school together.

Until we became best friends.

Then 4th grade came and I had to leave again.

I made new friends.

And occasionally spoke to old ones.

I learned about my talent for music.

Adults admired my ability even when I first started.

I was proud.

Too proud.

I made it my life.

I would do nothing else.

Until my director left.

Leaving the school that treated her like s**t.

I sat as the only clarinetist left.

And that's when I knew.

I wasn’t meant to stay in a place like that.

So I left.

I chose to leave them behind.

My new friends.

The guy that I had become friends with at long last.

I left them behind.

Then I made it to high school.

I spent a lot of time alone.

Focused hard on work rather than socializing.

Until the second semester. 

I met the smartest girl in my grade.

And she called me the wisest girl in the grade.

We became friends after that.

I spent three years there.

Slaving away to become the best.

But eventually the passion that I once held for music.

It faded.

I watch as I recognize that my friends..

They look up to me.

They look to me to learn what to say.

Or how to act.

They’ll joke and call me their “parent.”

But they aren’t entirely wrong.

I watch over them.

Making sure they don’t make the same mistakes that the others do.

I’ll keep ‘him’ company to help him avoid his mother’s judgment.

I’ll comfort ‘her’ as another guy breaks her heart.

I look out for them.

And they look up to me in return.

I built myself a new life from nothing.

In a place where nobody knew me or cared to get to know me.

I forced them to.

I earned the respect that makes them watch me carefully.

That same respect that gets me into the best honor bands.

The respect that keeps colleges flooding my email.

The look that the orchestra teacher gives me when I perform.

The applause of the crowd after the play I had written had been performed.

But this isn’t my home.

And I’ll be leaving.

Soon.

Very soon.

Home has never been a house.

I’ve lived in many houses and apartments.

Traveling to many different states.

Staying the night in many people’s houses.

Home will always be the people.

The people that linger in my life.

My grandmother.

The one who took the place of my mother.

After she lost me.

And reminded me that I never deserved her.

My father.

Who had been tough on me from the beginning.

But I could never hate him.

Because he shows me how to remain strong.

My mom.

Not by blood but by choice.

And I think that creates a stronger bond.

Rather than one that you are shackled to by DNA.

My sister.

Who showed me to open my heart.

Let in the ones that you don’t want to trust.

And you may just gain the very thing you’ve always wanted.

My brother.

Who reminds me to be care-free.

That there is more to life after you accept your pain.

That forgiveness to yourself is just as important.

My bestfriend.

Who reminds me that I am worthy enough.

That shows me that there is still room in my heart for love.

And that soon somebody is going to understand me for me.

Home will never be a house.

And maybe that’s why I always liked to travel.

Perhaps it’s why I’ve always dreamed of traveling.

Bringing forth change with open arms.

Home will always be the people in my life.

Home is the feeling of calmness after being frustrated 15 mins before.

Home is the late-night talks.

Home is me asking them to stay safe on a short drive back from somewhere.

Home is the feeling of safety and comfort that I’ve finally gained.

Home will always be you.