White Chapel

The Dobsons are buying a country house. That's all there is to it.

The weather forecast had predicted rain and foul weather. So far, only a handful of little fluffy white lambs were gambolling in a bright blue sky, watched over by a cheeky November sun.

The Dobsons had just finished their visit of the country house they intended to buy. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d picked up the rice in the church where a wedding had been, had shown them around and delighted in their gleeful excitement. It turned out to be more than their dream house. Everything was just perfect. It had taste and class with an eye for comfort. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d darned his socks for the occasion, was selling it furnished and Jim Dobson and his wife Janey did not intend to change a thing. Their bedroom and that of the twins both had picture windows that overlooked the driveway and a manicured garden. The parents’ was soft blue and the girls’ pink. The kitchen was any housewife’s dream. Janey could not stop drooling over the cooker range, the hanging pots, the cabinets and the island. The sitting room was equipped with a huge fireplace and the couch and armchairs looked comfy enough. On the wall, there was a large painting of a ship, sailing to sea with a lone seagull riding on a thermal.

                     

                                 **************************************

“I can’t believe our luck, darling,” said Janey with a big smile. 

The twins were sitting in the back playing 'I spy with my little eye'.

“It sure is a stroke of luck, honey. Steep price, though. But it’s well worth it.”

“S**t!” exclaimed Janey.            

“Muuum! Language,” admonished Lily, the cheekier of the two girls while her sister Emmy was giggling behind her hands. (or is it the other way round? Damn, they look so much alike)

“Sorry sweetheart.”

“What is it?” enquired Jim with a raised eyebrow. 

He shifted gear and followed a bend in the road.

“We saw the bathroom, right?”

“Yes, gorgeous, wasn’t it?”

“I know, but I didn’t see any toilet seat. Did you?”

“Blimey! You’re right. It must be in a separate part and father Mc Kenzie forgot to show it to us.”

“Yes, I’m sure, but I’m annoyed that it has slipped his mind.”

“Not to worry. We’ll write him a quick mail and ask where it is.”

 

Back home, Janey logged on and wrote:

Dear Father Mc Kenzie,

Thank you very much again for showing us around today. However, and I’m sure it was an oversight on your part, we didn’t see the WC. Could you please tell us where it is?

Thanking you in advance,

Yours truly

J & J Dobson

 

On reading the Email, Father Mc Kenzie, not familiar with the abbreviation WC that stood for water closet, took it to mean White Chapel, the church where he preached. He wrote back:

Dear Mr. and Mrs Dobson,

I thank you for your enquiry and am glad you asked about the place of your interest. 

The WC is located roughly about 3 miles away from the house, which can be awkward if you intend to go there on foot. It is advisable that you go there early to be able to find seats. I am sure you will be pleased by the cleanliness of the place and the incense filling it, to drive away the nasty smells. Children can sit next to their parents and everybody can sing in chorus. The place is astutely equipped with amplifiers so the people outside can benefit from the sounds coming out. One side is a huge glass pane so people can watch from the outside. On arrival, you will be given pieces of paper. Please, remember to give yours back on leaving so they can be used by others.

I hope my explanation is to your satisfaction. It will please me no end to watch you sitting there, using your sheets of paper and singing God’s grace.

Until we meet again,

I remain respectfully yours

Father Mc Kenzie   

Author's Note

I'm sure you will have gathered that WC is an abbreviation of "Water Closet" which the French use a lot on their bathroom doors. I don't remeember seeing that anywhere during my stay in Scotland.

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Woody,

I really do not know what to say, except to say that this little tale is ingeniously, as well as sadistically some might add, hilarious, well constructed, well timed, and very well written in such a manner's fashion as to leave smile upon faces such as old farts from Texas like mine ... Bravo!

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Woody]

My dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. Many thanks from an old fart from Tunisia. Also, I apologize for taking so long in replying. What can I say? Various things got in the way. I'm so glad you enjoyed my antics. God bless.

[Shannon]

I have heard of Wc, but we don't use the term here. I feel like you are the king of misdirection. My first thought "what are they going to find in the furniture? Or maybe the beds? Second thought:" what's going to happen in front of those windows?". A great "Woody twist"!

[Woody]

the whole thing was written just for the sake of the last letter. glad you couldn't figure it out :)
thanks a bunch, S. for your continuous support. glad you liked it.

[Shannon]

You style us such that the extraneous details add to the wonderful feeling of being slightly duped, rather than feeling bogged down. Your quite welcome. Not as though supporting you writing is an effort.

[Stan Lee]

Father McKenzie obviously didn't get out much hey. :) It's a WC were I am too, (among many, many other names). Jokes aside though, I enjoyed the descriptive language in this story. The house sounded great and the church didn't sound too bad either unless you were also imagining trying to go about your business there. lol. Good to see you back Woody. It's been a while! Thanks for sharing your story & making me laugh. :)

[Woody]

yes I know, Andronicus. been quite busy lately. trying to get back on track. thank you so much for stopping by.
Father McKenzie doesn't have time for anything but his church and his congregation :) and he's obviously not from Australia where you have WC on your bathroom doors.
just wondering, do you like the Beatles?

[Stan Lee]

Oh, don't let me give you a false impression. We don't have WC on the bathroom doors but if you asked about the whereabouts of the WC we would know what you were talking about. WC is seen on building plans always and elsewhere sometimes.
What's not to like about the Beatles? they were inspiration for a poem of mine if you recall. Why do you ask? Did I miss something?

[Woody]

ok. good to know that it's known outside France.
I was hoping that the priest's name would ring a bell with the Beatles fans. I also threw in acouple of extracts from Eleanor Rigby. ah well too bad :(
thanks again, A.

[LastMonth]

I wish there was a word to properly demonstrate the goofy smile on my face.
Priceless. Come on, one of your best. I think. Or maybe they were all that good.

You have an aptitude for improving people's day.

[Woody]

and you have improved my day. thanks a ton, my friend :)
p.s. I haven't forgotten you. I owe you quite a few. I was busy returning the latest favours. I'm ready for yours now :)

[Jacob Clifford]

This is certainly a crappy situation for the Dobsons! And what an unfortunate situation it would be if it were true! Ah, if only the father was a better judge of abbreviations.

And PS: White Chapel sounds a bit like a nickname for a toilet. Perhaps Mc Kenzie knew what he was talking about the whole time!

[Woody]

a nickname for a toilet?? haha we call ours Jasmin scent :) anyway, crappy situation indeed.
Thanks a lot Clifford.