The Dobsons are buying a country house. That's all there is to it.
The weather forecast had
predicted rain and foul weather. So far, only a handful of little fluffy white
lambs were gambolling in a bright blue sky, watched over by a cheeky November
sun.
The Dobsons had just
finished their visit of the country house they intended to buy. Father Mc
Kenzie, who’d picked up the rice in the church where a wedding had been, had
shown them around and delighted in their gleeful excitement. It turned out to
be more than their dream house. Everything was just perfect. It had taste and
class with an eye for comfort. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d darned his socks for the
occasion, was selling it furnished and Jim Dobson and his wife Janey did not
intend to change a thing. Their bedroom and that of the twins both had picture
windows that overlooked the driveway and a manicured garden. The parents’ was
soft blue and the girls’ pink. The kitchen was any housewife’s dream. Janey
could not stop drooling over the cooker range, the hanging pots, the cabinets
and the island. The sitting room was equipped with a huge fireplace and the
couch and armchairs looked comfy enough. On the wall, there was a large painting
of a ship, sailing to sea with a lone seagull riding on a thermal.
**************************************
“I can’t believe our
luck, darling,” said Janey with a big smile.
The twins were sitting in the back
playing 'I spy with my little eye'.
“It sure is a stroke of
luck, honey. Steep price, though. But it’s well worth it.”
“S**t!” exclaimed Janey.
“Muuum! Language,”
admonished Lily, the cheekier of the two girls while her sister Emmy was
giggling behind her hands. (or is it the other way round? Damn, they look so
much alike)
“Sorry sweetheart.”
“What is it?” enquired
Jim with a raised eyebrow.
He shifted gear and followed a bend in the road.
“We saw the bathroom,
right?”
“Yes, gorgeous, wasn’t
it?”
“I know, but I didn’t
see any toilet seat. Did you?”
“Blimey! You’re right.
It must be in a separate part and father Mc Kenzie forgot to show it to us.”
“Yes, I’m sure, but I’m
annoyed that it has slipped his mind.”
“Not to worry. We’ll
write him a quick mail and ask where it is.”
Back home, Janey logged
on and wrote:
Dear Father Mc Kenzie,
Thank you very much again
for showing us around today. However, and I’m sure it was an oversight on your
part, we didn’t see the WC. Could you please tell us where it is?
Thanking you in advance,
Yours truly
J & J Dobson
On reading the Email,
Father Mc Kenzie, not familiar with the abbreviation WC that stood for water
closet, took it to mean White Chapel, the church where he preached. He wrote
back:
Dear Mr. and Mrs Dobson,
I thank you for your
enquiry and am glad you asked about the place of your interest.
The WC is
located roughly about 3 miles away from the house, which can be awkward if you
intend to go there on foot. It is advisable that you go there early to be able
to find seats. I am sure you will be pleased by the cleanliness of the place
and the incense filling it, to drive away the nasty smells. Children can sit
next to their parents and everybody can sing in chorus. The place is astutely
equipped with amplifiers so the people outside can benefit from the sounds
coming out. One side is a huge glass pane so people can watch from the outside.
On arrival, you will be given pieces of paper. Please, remember to give yours
back on leaving so they can be used by others.
I hope my explanation is
to your satisfaction. It will please me no end to watch you sitting there,
using your sheets of paper and singing God’s grace.
I'm sure you will have gathered that WC is an abbreviation of "Water Closet" which the French use a lot on their bathroom doors. I don't remeember seeing that anywhere during my stay in Scotland.
My Review
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I really do not know what to say, except to say that this little tale is ingeniously, as well as sadistically some might add, hilarious, well constructed, well timed, and very well written in such a manner's fashion as to leave smile upon faces such as old farts from Texas like mine ... Bravo!
Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Months Ago
My dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. .. read moreMy dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. Many thanks from an old fart from Tunisia. Also, I apologize for taking so long in replying. What can I say? Various things got in the way. I'm so glad you enjoyed my antics. God bless.
I really do not know what to say, except to say that this little tale is ingeniously, as well as sadistically some might add, hilarious, well constructed, well timed, and very well written in such a manner's fashion as to leave smile upon faces such as old farts from Texas like mine ... Bravo!
Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Months Ago
My dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. .. read moreMy dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. Many thanks from an old fart from Tunisia. Also, I apologize for taking so long in replying. What can I say? Various things got in the way. I'm so glad you enjoyed my antics. God bless.
Love,love,love it. From the opening line, to the last period. A great read. Your little touches here and there gave it weight. I especially love the, I spy.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Months Ago
Goodness me!!! Has it really been five years? I'm so so sorry, Dear Cherrie. I swear I was never awa.. read moreGoodness me!!! Has it really been five years? I'm so so sorry, Dear Cherrie. I swear I was never aware of your comment as I have left the site not knowing when to come back. I'm so glad you enjoyed my silly story. Here's one for you: I spy with my little eye something lovely spelt C.P.
8 Months Ago
I get it. I stumble across old reviews as well. Most of us who've been here awhile understand com.. read moreI get it. I stumble across old reviews as well. Most of us who've been here awhile understand completely :)
Oh, my. Such miscommunication! That's a really long way to the outhouse, I mean, church, er, whatever! You've got me grinning, Woody. I don't know how I missed this one.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
hey there Sam. lovely to see you again. I'm not around much these days.
I love quid pro quos... read morehey there Sam. lovely to see you again. I'm not around much these days.
I love quid pro quos. they can be very funny.
always a joy to know you like my craziness
Ha, nice one yet again Woody. I don't care how ideal the house is, there is no way I m walking three miles every time I need a good hard pray :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
hahaha a good hard pray!
come on Nemo, you are too capricious. think of the incence, the peop.. read morehahaha a good hard pray!
come on Nemo, you are too capricious. think of the incence, the people watching.. would be fun really :)
thanks a lot for the visit Nemo.
Good one, Woody. You are really funny! But I did not know that you are a Beatles fan. Eleanor Rigby is one of my favourite songs! But anyway, great story!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
I am I am! I love the Beatles. an old love story. I made references in other stories, too. glad you .. read moreI am I am! I love the Beatles. an old love story. I made references in other stories, too. glad you picked on that and that you liked the story F.G. thanks for dropping in, mate.
Loved the twists in this. When I was a kid I used to think the smell of incense was vile, particularly as I sang in the choir and always caught the full blast of it near the altar. It was a bad as a WC as far as I was concerned.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
hahahahaha I'm still laughing as I'm typing. thank you Norman (doubly).
Oh Woody! Oh my! The setup was a fraction laboured, if i had to pick holes, but the reply from the Father, who was no doubt wiping the dirt from his hands as he walked from ... had me really chuckling. You have a very gently humorous writing style. Delightful.
haha thank you very much Nigel. please do pick holes. that's how I can hope to improve.
I lov.. read morehaha thank you very much Nigel. please do pick holes. that's how I can hope to improve.
I love your subtle way of telling me you noticed the Father McKenzie bit. haha wiping the dirt. excellent.
gosh what were the chances? we must've been reviewing each other at the same time.
thanks again Nigel.
8 Years Ago
This is crazy funny - you have to suspend believe and just go along with the madness. What a hoot! W.. read moreThis is crazy funny - you have to suspend believe and just go along with the madness. What a hoot! We had a schoolmate whose initials were WC - we called him 'bogs' which is Scottish colloquial for toilet. I really don't want to know what your mind loks like - I suspect a bit like mine - my commiserations!
Cheers,
Alan
8 Years Ago
oh boy, "bogs"? I love that nickname. I agree we must have similar minds. great minds think alike? h.. read moreoh boy, "bogs"? I love that nickname. I agree we must have similar minds. great minds think alike? haha. thanks a lot my friend. always a pleasure to see you enjoy my craziness.
laughing...woody you are so original and generous when giving out your smiles :) I love your humor AND your creative artistry. Thank you for making me laugh!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
pardon my late reply, Dear.
the pleasure is all mine, I assure you Lynn. and you are too gene.. read morepardon my late reply, Dear.
the pleasure is all mine, I assure you Lynn. and you are too generous with your reviews.
thanks heaps.
Hi Woody, I can see your still on form, we still use W.C in parts of Ireland so I picked up on it right away...loved it.
Will
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
hi will. I nearly missed your review. thanks my friend.
I didn't see a single one when I was .. read morehi will. I nearly missed your review. thanks my friend.
I didn't see a single one when I was in Scotland. it was always gents/ladies or pictures.
good to see you again Will.
ok, time for an update I think. my old friends have come to know me pretty well, I trust so this is for the new comers.
I'm a Tunisian 60-year-old teacher-cum-translator, book worm who enjoys writing.. more..