It's Dark!

a fledgling salesman

Yawrzt Rooly is not a handsome man. In fact, he is quite an ordinary six-foot-tall man with the broad shoulders of a wrestler. On the wrong side of fifty, he still has a full head of jet black hair, greying at the temples. His eyes are a little closer than they should be and his nose is pinched and pointy. When he smiles, which he does quite often, people are always dazzled by his white, perfectly aligned teeth. Yawrzt’s smile is certainly his best asset and in his line of business, an attractive smile is a killer. Yawrzt is a sales agent. What Yawrzt lacks in looks, he largely makes up for in charm. He was born with a great gift of the gab. Yawrzt is the man of the agency. None of his colleagues can come within a mile of him. He lives out of town. In fact, he would sell a fridge to an Eskimo living in Nigeria.

Yawrzt found out about his gift early in life. Whenever he recalls his first sale, a wide smile lights up his features.

 

When Yawrzt was nine, he wanted to become a professional footballer. He spent hours kicking a ball in the garden. On Sundays, he would badger his father to take him to the park where he would spend the whole morning dribbling and juggling, imagining himself to be Messi or Ronaldo.

One day, (I bet my last dollar you’ve just said: At last, he’s come to the interesting part! Well, I’m sorry but I had to put you in the picture. I have a reputation to safeguard) he was playing in the hall with his ball when it rolled/bounced into the large boot closet which happened to be open. Yawrzt went to fetch it but  sat inside as he often did. He started a conversation with himself, imagining he was signing autographs to beautiful girls. He heard the bell and saw his mother rush to open the door. 

(I heard you! You’ve just said: Where the hell’s he going with this? Look, if you’re going to stop me every two minutes, you’d better go read something else.)

Yawrzt heard his mum whisper with that tall man who often came to their house, always when his dad was not around. He heard giggling which stopped abruptly when a key turned in the entrance door lock. His dad. Next thing he knew, his mum was roughly pushing the man inside the closet and locking it.

“It’s dark,” said Yawrzt.

Slightly taken aback, the man whispered back: “I know but don’t worry, we’ll soon be out of here.”

“Would you like to buy my ball?”

“Euh, no, thanks.”

“Let me out!”

“Ok, ok, I’ll buy it. How much?”

“A hunnered dollars.”

“Jesus Christ! Are you out of your mind?” hissed the man.

“Let me out!”

“Oh, God! Here! Take the money! Give me the ball!”

And that was the very first sale of Yawrzt.

A week later, Yawrzt was in his favourite spot on the closet floor when his client was frantically shoved into the closet and the door hastily shut and locked.

“It’s dark,” said Yawrzt.

God Almighty, muttered the man and, a little louder, “I know but don’t worry!”

“Would you like to buy my sneekers?”

“Kid, they would never fit me.”

“Let me out!”

“For crying out loud! How much?”

“Hunnered and twenty.”

“Jes.. Here’s the money. Give me the sneekers, you little devil,” hissed the man.

 

The following Sunday, Yawrzt’s dad said to his son:

“Say, Champ, how about we go to the park for a little practice?”

“Can’t.”

“Why?”

“I sold the ball and the sneekers.”

“You what? Why, silly boy?”

“So we can buy new ones with the money,” replied Yawrzt calmly.

“And how much did you sell them?”

“Hunnered for the ball, hunnered twenty for the sneekers.”

“What the…! But that’s daylight robbery! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? I’ve a good mind to give you a good beating, you little thief. Come! Let’s go to church.”

“Why?”

“You’re going to confess your sin to Father Mc Kenzie, you bad boy and maybe, just maybe, you won’t go to hell.”

“I don’t want to go to hell,” said Yawrzt, eyes brimming.

“We’ll see what Father Mc Kenzie has to say.”

 

Inside the church, Yawrzt was pushed into the confessional, unceremoniously, by his father who drew the curtain back and strode outside to smoke a cigarette, still fuming.

“It’s dark,” said Yawrzt.

“Don’t you f*****g start!” came the reply from the other side of the partition. 

Author's Note

this is not an autobiography.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Hi Woody. I think modern folk would put a :=)) or something similar. As others have said, this reads almost like a stand-up comedian. There is a very gentle feel to it. I think I imagined something like the punch line, but that doesn't spoil it at all. The eskimo fridge Nigeria line is a bit odd. It's an old joke about sales people, that they could sell a fridge to an eskimo; so I get that. But if an eskimo was in Nigeria, they'd need a fridge, wouldn't they? Doesn't matter in terms of the overall feel, but you might like to take another look at that bit some time.

Nice job!
Nigel

[Woody]

damn I could've sworn I'd commented on your review, Nigel. obviously, I'm slipping up. that's old age for you. so I'm so very sorry for the late response.
now, that exkimo bit was really an attempt (lame, obviously) to make the reader smile at least. of course it's an old joke but adding the Nigeria bit was sort of a novelty. as you said, living there you wouldn't need much convincing to buy a fridge. am I making sense?
thank you so much for stopping to read and for being, as usual, perceptive in your review.

[Flower]

I clicked the title hoping for some mopey outlier in your stories to feed my rather unhealthy obsession with sadness but honestly, this was great. The ending was my favourite bit, but the entire story had a lively kind of feel about it, as if my uncle was getting to the punchline of a fabulous joke (that was a weird analogy but my uncle is hilarious and amazing as are you)

[Woody]

you are too kind Gonaz. thank you very much. glad this one made you laugh.
your uncle sounds like a fun person to be with. I wish I knew him.

[Iris]

The author's note is as entertaining as the rest of your story. Your style of writing is comedic and light. Yawrzt is one of those 'innocent' characters that possess the ability to be adorable and sly as anything simultaneously. Most of all, however, there were no language mistakes to correct, which makes for a nice read.

Your work is amazing. Keep it up.

[Woody]

AAAH this is the real me! thanks a bunch for the read and the kind words, Iris.
I'm always elated when the reader likes my short stories.

[Iris]

You're welcome.

[tossedpenny]

That plot twist in the ending! At first, I was wondering where you were going with this, and I admit I wasn't too fond of the interruptions in prose, or the character initially. What felt arrogant, was soon forgotten as I appreciated him as a sly little midget. The unorthodox environment that you described for him felt both raw and matter of fact, in a way that it often is for a still-naive child. The irony and humor of the later half of the story is a winner, and the name is as relevant as they come.

Great piece of writing, keep it up!

[Woody]

thank you very much tossedpenny. much appreciated. glad you enjoyed the read.
sorry if the interruptions of the narrator wrankled with you. I do that quite often and I enjoy it. some like it. some don't.
now, you're the only one to mention the name. may I ask you if you noticed the Author's note?

[tossedpenny]

Of course I noticed the author's note. I figured it wouldn't be autobiographical, especially since the physical features don't match with your profile picture at all. You don't look like you're on the wrong side of fifty, for example, ha.

[Country boy183798]

A rather unique style of writing, a story that had hooked from the first line till the end, and I enjoyed every bit of it. It made me laugh out loud multiple times, and I honestly loved it. It's just hilariously awesome!

[Woody]

I'm flattered and so glad the story made you laugh, Edmund. thanks heaps for reading and for your kind words.

[forgotten_ghosts]

Woody, you're the master of funny stories! This story is so hilarious! How do you come up with such an idea ?

[Woody]

much much appreciated F.G. thank you for your kind words. glad this made you laugh.
haha I honestly don'tt know where they come from. they just pop up out of the blue :)

[Usman Muhammad]

Hahahaha...excellent, your way of writing is not typical, its rather interesting the way you indulge the reader to become a part of your story, once again excellent work. One more thing..... When he smiles, which he does quite often-- in this line one can understand why you have great writing skill, starting with your way of describing the character, importance of his smile, his features each and every detail makes you feel like you are watching that character in front of you. Your writing is different and Amazing . Keep it up, there is no need to discuss the ending, it was perfect.
Thanks sir

[Woody]

thank you ever so much for your kind words, Usman. I'm flattered and glad you enjoyed.

[Ghost]

I just loved it.. What a elegant read..

[Woody]

thank you very much Ghost. glad you liked the story.

[Terpsichore]

Absolutely brilliant. That punch line came out of nowhere and had me rolling in the aisles.

Good one Woody!

T

[Woody]

:) thanks loads my friend. I'm overjoyed you liked this one. Cheers

[...]

You gave me a big grin, see? --> :---) I come here to smile and laugh knowing it's a sure bet, Woody. I love your stories, my friend

[Woody]

and I'm over the moon :) thanks a bunch, Dear. always a joy to see you around.

[wordman]

another great tale from you woody,interesting story,loved it

[Woody]

thank you so much my friend. a genuine pleasure to know you like my stories.

[wordman]

i always enjoy your stories woody !

[Woody]

thank you wordman. I llike your love poems, too.