Confession

A dying woman makes a confession to her husband, on her deathbed.

George raised his head and looked at the window as the rain started tapping on the window pane. He’d always liked the soothing sound of rain on the windows and roof. He shifted in his seat and winced when the chair creaked. He looked at the hospital bed where his wife slept. His eyes misted over. Tubes were snaking out of various parts of her body and were attached to machines and IVs. He couldn’t come to grips with the idea that life could continue without her but the Doctor’s verdict dashed any hopes he might have had. Not much longer now. She was soon going to a better place where, he hoped, she would be waiting for him.

Images of her younger self flooded his mind. Happier times. Emily running on the wet sand of the deserted beach where they went swimming and him chasing her. Her laughter was music to his ears. Emily blowing on the twenty-five candles on her birthday cake, her eyes shining and his heart bursting with love. The trip they took to Tunisia long before all the madness gripped the world.

Emily moaned and George jumped up and bent over her. She was only dreaming. Her breathing was regular. He looked at her face and saw her as she had always looked to him. The stunning beauty who captured his heart, not the withering eighty-year-old woman whose skin looked like old parchment.

George sighed and sat back down. He started when he heard a sudden ripping sound. He looked at his wife and frowned, puzzled. Then the smell hit him.

“Oh, honey..” he said softly and got wearily back to his feet. He opened the window a crack. “Gee!” he whispered, “whatever they put in that IV, darling?”

Emily stirred and George was by her side in an instant.

“George,” she croaked, an indication she was about to croak.

“I’m here, Honey,” he answered.

“Not much time left, I’m afraid.”

“Why? Where’re you going?” he teased.

“Silly man. But it was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?”

“Better than good, Sweetheart. You gave life a meaning. You made me the happiest man on earth and I love you so much for that.”

“Listen, I need to tell you something before it’s too late.”

“What is it, honey?”

“We’ve been together for forty-five years, haven’t we?”

“And six months and twelve days.”

A tear run down her face. George tried to wipe it off with his thumb but it got lost in the wrinkles of her face.

“God, how I love you, George! Anyway, this is what I wanted to say. I can’t leave you without telling you the only secret I’ve kept from you for forty-five years.”

“Yes,” said George with some trepidation.

“Remove my necklace, will you? See, that small key is not really a lucky charm. It opens the trunk I asked you to bring from home. Pull it out from under the bed, please.”

George could hardly contain his puzzlement. He gingerly removed the key from his wife’s neck then stooped and dragged the heavy trunk from under the bed.

“Go on, open it!”

George had trouble turning the small key in the lock but finally managed to open the trunk. He slowly lifted the lid.

His jaw dropped when he saw what was inside. Well, not literally, of course. Imagine every time you are surprised, your jaw drops like in those cartoons. Actually, a friend of mine is a cartoon character. The things he does with his face and body, amazing! And come to think of it, I wonder where this expression, “his jaw dropped”, came from. Was it taken from a cartoon or was it the other way round? It’s like wh.. oh God, there I go again, and you’re probably curious about what George found in the trunk. Tsk tsk. Incorrigible! My wife always tells me: Focus, Woody, focus. I hate it when you go on a tangent.”  But you know women, all they do is nag, nag, nag. Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. His jaw dropped figuratively.

Inside the trunk, were stacks upon stacks of wads of Dollar bills. Washingtons, Jeffersons, Lincolns, Hamiltons, Grants… There must’ve been thousands. A real treasure trove.

When George could finally speak, he asked: “where does all this money come from, Honey? Tell me you didn’t steal it, Em.”

Emily laughed weakly. “Don’t be silly, George. that’s my goodbye present for you, Honey. For the joy you gave me all along the years, in bed and out of it.”

George’s eyes watered again then he saw three round objects wedged among the bills. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and bent over.

He picked one up. It looked like a goose’s egg!

“Em, what are these eggs?”

“Oh that’s the second part of the surprise, Honey. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, George.”

“Forgive you what?” asked George, more than intrigued.

“Well,” started Emily weakly, “I’m not proud to say that I haven’t always been faithful to you, Honey. Every time I cheated on you I put an egg in the trunk to remind me of my evil deed. I’m so sorry, George.”

George was stunned. He sat on his haunches, not believing what he’d just heard.

“Please don’t be sad, Honey” said Emily, “It’s all in the past anyway.”

George was reeling from the revelation.

“I suppose three times is not dramatic during the course of forty-five years of marriage. Ehm.. and where does the money come from?”

“Oh, that’s from the eggs I sold, Darling.”

Author's Note

whenever work keeps me away from the site, I find it very hard to come back. my muse seems to be punishing me for staying away for so long. I didn't do any editing so I don't know how good it is. your feedback will be much appreciated, as always.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

Ah, Woody, you son of a gun, you. I almost spit out my drink when I read that last line!

The whole story was engaging and held my attention. The sad parts were well-written, and the funny parts were too. I always love your breaking-the-fourth-wall moment in your stories. In this story, it was talking about jaws dropping. Many people try similar things with minimal, but you seem very adept at it.

[Woody]

thanks a ton Clifford. as always you make my day by your reviews. I'm glad you had as much fun reading this one as I had writing it.

[Terpsichore]

Lots you can do with eggs, poach, fry, scramble, hard boil, not to mention writing a great story and an eye watering punchline.

Poor old George, seems like his missus made omelettes out of molehills. T

[Woody]

well this is how I see it. she did what she did so she could put money away for him to use on a rainy day. was raining that day, wasn't it? see? everything I write is for a reason :)
thank you so much Terp and sorry about the delay in answering. guess I'm back.

[Roland Petrov]

This only works if she asked each lover for an egg; actually, how about a pair of eggs? This way she gets free eggs and makes money selling them. But no matter how you got there, it's another great Woody punch line!

[Woody]

hey how come there's no comment to your review?
anyway, sorry about this laps, mate. thank you very much for stopping by, Roland.
Emily did sell the eggs. that's where all that money comes from!

[Roland Petrov]

You're alive! I had almost given up hope. Now to the eggs: If she bought the eggs, then selling them wouldn't increase her wealth; hence my suggestion to have each lover give them to her. Isn't this an eggcellent suggestion?

[Woody]

haha indeed it is, old bean. but let me scroll back up. don't leave!
hmm.. just for the sake of arguing, it would be odd to ask a lover to pay with eggs. whereas getting, say, $10 for every eerr session, then buying an egg for 50 cents (not the singer) then later selling the lot for a little profit. it adds up, doesn't it? that's my take on the situation anyway.
I find it difficult to get back to business after dropping off the rader for some time. I'm working on it, though.

[Roland Petrov]

Oh, she's a w***e! She cheated on him for profit. So the money he sees in the box is just a small part of what she really made!!!

[Woody]

now you are being too harsh, my friend. I wouldn't use that word. she's, how shall I put it? a free spirit. and she didn't ask to be paid. it was a token of appreciation.
sorry about the late reply.

[Beccy]

You know what they say Woody, free range is better every time, and it certainly sounds like Emily took full advantage. :)

Great writing, really enjoyed this.

Beccy.

[Woody]

thank you Dear. I'm still floundering, to tell you the truth. hard to get back on track after a break.

[Buddhistboy73]

As ever, I enjoy the twist in the tale and comedic slant on your work Woody. You have a good imagination and I enjoyed reading this story. Tongue in cheek and made me smile, so thanks for sharing.....

[Woody]

thank you so much BB. it is so rewarding to see one's work appreciated. glad you enjoyed it.
long time no see my friend.

[Lydia Shutter]

Smiling here....while I have heard the joke before, I have never heard it told quite this way.....from the passing of gas to the locket round her neck holding the key. Woody, you never disappoint. There is always a smile and a bit of a running off on a tangent in your stories. No, jaws do not literally drop, but that matters little when reading your words. Always a pleasure, my friend. Lydi**

[Woody]

thank you so much for your kind words Lydia. I sometimes take the punchline of an old joke and really enjoy telling it my way. that happens when inspiration is wanting.
glad you enjoyed it.

[Valentine]

Very funny tale, sad at first, then making the reader curious, and then, wham, your brainy ending. Very funny tale. Valentine

[Woody]

thanks a lot Dear. you know me, I can't stay serious for too long.it's a bug I caught when I was young. not that I'm much older, mind.

[Valentine]

Do you mean in your mind??//

[Woody]

nonono. in the flesh.

[Gee]

Lol,had to have a Woody twist,sweet...Hope you are well Woody

[Woody]

thanks heaps Gee. everything's honky dory thanks. I'd gone in search of my muse. hope you're doing well yerself.

[Gee]

Everybody apart from e seems to have one of those,better go get myself one eh ???

[Gee]

Oops ,I'm fine thanks Eoody

[Gee]

Woody,,,,,,,,,,

[Woody]

Eoody's fine. I've been called worse. and yes go get yourself one of those. I've got one myself. got it on sale. the missus says it works just fine :)

[Gee]

You must have gotten yours from the amusement arcade !!!!

[Woody]

hahahaha. the flea market. second hand but, so what?

[Ben Noah Suri]

You started of with a sad tale of love; moved on to heartbreak and finally made it into a joke.... Interesting way of finishing a serious subject.....

[Woody]

thank you very much for dropping in, Sir. I often start on a serious note, promising myself to act my age then, before you know it, I start playing the fool.

[Ben Noah Suri]

It is always nice to play the fool... I enjoyed it...

[Samuel Dickens]

Ha-haaaaa! This is one of your best, Woody. Did being away for a while put some extra pizazz in your pen? It started out so serious, and I was thinking, "What's happened here?" Then came the swamp gas, croaking, and speaking to the audience--yep, this is Woody!

[Woody]

yes Sam, I'll never change. mum says I take after our neighbour. go figure!
thank you very much, Dear. I'm really happy to be back. I was terrified that the well had dried up, so to speak. ah well, we'll see.

[emmajoy]

Wasn't sure how this story would read, Woody.. too sad an opening, too much detail - yes, necessary to wrap the words. But for some reason, maybe your reputation.. (meant kindly!) had a feeling that there'd not be a sad, tearful finish. And, how right i was.. you wicked man.. or should that be how wicked was Emily! 'Tut, cluck.. that naughty her!'

As always, wonderfully smooth telling, fine wording, great punctuation (you ought to give lessons - and yes, i know you do!) , plus the dialogue has a crack at the natural.

Only negative- if you'll forgive me, is to parenthesise from 'His jaw dropped' - His jaw dropped figuratively. ' Read a few words of it and wondered 'what the ten legged worm!'

[Woody]

thank you Dearest for the kind words and the honesty. I'm indebted to you and others for pointing out my shortcomings. the only way to improve, 'cos when I grow up, I want to become a writer.

[emmajoy]

LAUGHING!

You 'l have to eat more cabbidge coz if you do, you ll be abul to yews long wurds with five lettus an .. an rite luvly storeys an fings!

[Woody]

hahahaha but I hate veggies. can't I eat chips an' burgers an' fings?

[emmajoy]

:) Typical boy!