Limericks (collection)

well, just limericks.

I-                                  slaughty * limerick

 

 * slightly naughty 

 

A very old couple from Philly

Were forced to walk belly to belly

They mistook the glue

For K Y, it’s true

They’re now at the Doc’s, looking silly

 

 

II " The girl from Warsaw

 

 what were you doing in the tool shed, anyway?

 

Once a heedless girl from Warsaw

Went and Sat on a circular saw

Now, that's a disaster

For it sure dis-arsed ‘er

The medic couldn’t believe what he saw 

 

III  -  Woodworm

 

 

A cute little woodworm from Milan

Who eats as much wood as he can

He came from afar

To his favourite bar

Said is the bar tender here, my man?

 

IV- Greek

I once met a beautiful young Greek

Whose nose was as long as a beak

It was awfully quicker

And so much slicker

T’ go round her back.. t’ kiss the other cheek

 

V- Poison

 

A man has the craziest chick

He decides to poison her quick

Once his mind'S made

He takes out a blade

And caref’lly gives ‘er arsenic

 

VI- York

 

 

A pregnant young woman from York

Plugged up her chimney with cork

Said I don’t want to

See it down the flue

When Baby is brought by the stork

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Most definitely love "Greek" best . . . they DO have beaks & the ending is imaginative & funny. I'm a little queasy about "Warsaw", with gore & intimacy & humor all packed together! I also like "York" - very imaginative! Your mind works in mysterious ways. If I thought some of these things, I think I might hide it! *smile*

[Woody]

oh no I'd never hide them. I want everybody to join in the fun :)
to be honest I'm surprised that the one who wrote not-so-innocent poems (wink wink) would prefer the less graphic limericks.
I thought God worked in mysterious ways!!!
thanks a lot Dear. always a pleasure to make you smile.

[barleygirl]

It's not the sexual innuendo that I find hard to cuddle up to . . . it's the macabre parts . . . but I'm trying to open up my tastes, little by little (as evidenced by my recent story of fried bits).

[Woody]

exactly my point! :)

[barleygirl]

You make me smile every day (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

that thing right back atcha.

[Lydia Shutter]

The first one is my favorite....in content and form. You certainly had fun with these! Lydi**

[Woody]

thanks a lot Lydia. yes no poetic prowess but I did have fun with those ones :)

[Valentine]

This is very funny, some more laughable than others, where you gather all of this stuff is beyond my thinking. Do you speak this way at the dinner table????? Valentine

[Woody]

lol I'm happy to say that my kids, my wife and I are a bunch of jolly folks who love to joke and play the fools at the dinner table.
thank you Kathie. always such a pleasure to make you laugh :)

[Valentine]

That is great. No sense being crabby, then the kids might not eat all that they should. Laughter is great medicine. Kathie

[Latifa]

IV- Greek

I once met a beautiful young Greek

Whose nose was as long as a beak

It was awfully quicker

And so much slicker

T’ go round her back.. t’ kiss the other cheek
such a delightful collection Woody! enjoyed much.

[Woody]

I'm thrilled you enjoyed this Latifa. thanks a lot :)

[M.E.Lyle]

More greatness from the a sick mind. That's a compliment, in case you were wondering.
Remember, your job is to keep us all laughing, and you do a wonderful job of it.

[Woody]

haha I think I have the same affliction you had a few days ago. I'm going to have to buy a larger hat.
thanks a lot Mike. what a joy to manage to make you laugh :)

[Shawn]

I needed a good giggle. Funny funny stuff!

[Woody]

thanks loads Shawn. such a pleasure that this made you giggle :)

[Jimmy Yetts]

Nice group of loony limericks!
Especially enjoyed "IV-Greek."
Clever, Woodman!

[Woody]

haha thank you Frankie. my silly contribution to a site full of scary poets.

[Tom]

Have you ever considered a career on stage Woody ??

They're all 'crackers' ...the one about the woodworm was a real gem !!

[Woody]

hi Tom. thanks loads mate. long time no see, huh? glad you found these funny.
career on stage? *sigh* that's an old dream of mine. in Tunisia, that's not possible, in English.
now it's too late anyway. too old, my friend :(

[Tom]

your never yo old.....

[Tom]

too old (that should read )

[Marie]

Well Woody is a performer anyway...

[Tom]

and an A-lister at that Marie !!

[Woody]

haha you know, back in college, I was a member of the drama club. we put on Oedipus Rex on stage. guess what. I was Oedipus (no less!)

[Tom]

I just knew it !!!

[Gee]

A ha,silliness right up my street.Nicely done Woody

[Woody]

haha birds of a feather, huh? thanks Gee. so pleased you found them funny.

[Gee]

You're welcome

[jacob erin-cilberto]

these are so much fun...the last one reminded me of jethro on the beverly hillibillies saying "remember when i always thoughts babies came from the cornfield? well they don't, there is this big bird, a stork and..."

jacob

[Woody]

haha love that. never heard that. I'll have to check that out on youtube.
thank you very very much jacob. I'm humbled when a gargantuan poet like you likes my silliness.

[Samuel Dickens]

Still at it, eh? I like the first one the best, although number four created some interesting visuals.

[Woody]

huh we must've been reviewing at the same time!
well you know, the leopard and spots an' all that.
truth, my favourite's number V.
thank you Sam. long time no see, dude.