Limericks (collection)

well, just limericks.

I-                                  slaughty * limerick

 

 * slightly naughty 

 

A very old couple from Philly

Were forced to walk belly to belly

They mistook the glue

For K Y, it’s true

They’re now at the Doc’s, looking silly

 

 

II " The girl from Warsaw

 

 what were you doing in the tool shed, anyway?

 

Once a heedless girl from Warsaw

Went and Sat on a circular saw

Now, that's a disaster

For it sure dis-arsed ‘er

The medic couldn’t believe what he saw 

 

III  -  Woodworm

 

 

A cute little woodworm from Milan

Who eats as much wood as he can

He came from afar

To his favourite bar

Said is the bar tender here, my man?

 

IV- Greek

I once met a beautiful young Greek

Whose nose was as long as a beak

It was awfully quicker

And so much slicker

T’ go round her back.. t’ kiss the other cheek

 

V- Poison

 

A man has the craziest chick

He decides to poison her quick

Once his mind'S made

He takes out a blade

And caref’lly gives ‘er arsenic

 

VI- York

 

 

A pregnant young woman from York

Plugged up her chimney with cork

Said I don’t want to

See it down the flue

When Baby is brought by the stork

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Most definitely love "Greek" best . . . they DO have beaks & the ending is imaginative & funny. I'm a little queasy about "Warsaw", with gore & intimacy & humor all packed together! I also like "York" - very imaginative! Your mind works in mysterious ways. If I thought some of these things, I think I might hide it! *smile*

[Woody]

oh no I'd never hide them. I want everybody to join in the fun :)
to be honest I'm surprised that the one who wrote not-so-innocent poems (wink wink) would prefer the less graphic limericks.
I thought God worked in mysterious ways!!!
thanks a lot Dear. always a pleasure to make you smile.

[barleygirl]

It's not the sexual innuendo that I find hard to cuddle up to . . . it's the macabre parts . . . but I'm trying to open up my tastes, little by little (as evidenced by my recent story of fried bits).

[Woody]

exactly my point! :)

[barleygirl]

You make me smile every day (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

that thing right back atcha.

[James]

Warning "Don't read these while eating lunch" I nearly choked laughing so hard.

[Woody]

haha you're too kind James. I'm overjoyed they made you laugh and relieved nothing untoward happened to you while reading them.
thank you my friend.

[James]

Nothing except a little food on my tie my friend.

[Roland Petrov]

"arse a nick"; oh Woody! I kept on reading these just to see what you'd come up with next. My favorites, and I think the cleverest of the bunch, are Girl from Warsaw and Poison, though the elderly couple that mistook glue for KY jelly create quite the scene. Some of these could use a little polish (not more Polish!), but they sure are original and witty.

[Woody]

aaah there's a man after my own heart! those two are my favourites, too. we seem to have the same sense of humour. I'm truly honoured to be your friend, Roland. as for the poetic correctness, well you know the score. if and when you have time, feel free to tweek them a bit, I'd be most grateful.
thank you so much indeed.

[Terpsichore]

There was a young fella from Tunis
went out with a girl name of Eunice,
she was impossibly thin,
and much taller than him,
thus the two never managed a kiss kiss.

Sorry mate, couldn't help myself.

T :))

[Woody]

hahaha a limerick for a review!!! you're very good. incidentally, I make it a point not to go out with tall girls.
thanks my friend for stopping by

[Troy Henson]

Hahaha...Such classic. Please do send more of these through...love them to bits.

[Woody]

thanks loads Troy. you know poetry's not my forte but I'll do my best :)
I'm overjoyed you liked them.

[Troy Henson]

Please do more. You are so good...seriously :)

[Elise Anton]

I see what you mean. Definitely a read for two teenage boys! Me, well... I like the rhyming ;)

[Woody]

ok at least the boys liked them. you know, I sometimes worry too much. thinking what if the reader doesn't get the pun/joke? my favourite is poison. is the last line clear?
oh and thanks a bunch :)

[Elise Anton]

The last line is crystal - thanks for the mental image (not!) It takes rhyming to a whole new place ;)

[Woody]

aaah good. some folk didn't get it. made me wonder.

[Elise Anton]

I've read enough from you to be on alert for the pesky and at times very illusive twists (there's probably another word to describe them but it's 6.00am downunder and I've been up all night) so yeah, I gots it!

[Woody]

ok I'll let you go. probably time to go feed the kangaroos :)

[Elise Anton]

No joke, before we moved back to the city, I had kangaroos in my street. We lived on the side of a hill. They'd wander down from up top some mornings. I'm going now!

[MomzillaNC]

Completely in line with the BAAAAAAD jokes that limericks, by their nature, always are. Glad my son wasn’t here to come read over my shoulder to see what I was snigger about -- else he’d’ve gone off on a tangent making up his own. Trust me, 12 year old boy limericks are something to be eschewed most assiduously.

[Woody]

as I often say, this is the extent of my poetic prowess. yes limerics are fun to read and write and the bluer the better if you see what I mean.
age 12 is a little early for this kind of talk. give him two more years :)
thanks heaps, M.

[MomzillaNC]

I’d rather not contribute to a skill that seems to come naturally to pre-adolescent and adolescent boys. LOL

YVW

[Solar]

Hahha! the limericks - they sure Lear as they sear.

[Woody]

thanks for stopping by Solar. afraid I've never come across "Lear as they sear". what's that?

[Solar]

just thought of Edward Lear's limericks.....and enjoyed the searing wit in yours

[Woody]

aah thank you. I must admit I don't know Edward Lear. I'll have to look him up. cheers.

[Solar]

There was a Young Lady of Parma,
Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer;
When they said, 'Are you dumb?'
She merely said, 'Hum!'
That provoking Young Lady of Parma.
Edward Lear

[Woody]

haha I see the style. is he by any chance the one who said
a smiling young lady from Riga
read morehaha I see the style. is he by any chance the one who said
a smiling young lady from Riga
went for a ride on a tiger
they returned from the ride
with the lady inside
and the smile on the face of the tiger

[Solar]

i think yes

[Stan Lee]

Laughing. My. Head. Off. The worm one was my absolute favourite. Love love love it!! Exceptionally wonderful limericks! I never cease to be amazed by your talent Woody. Thanks for sharing 😂

[Woody]

thanks a bunch Andrea. my personal favourite is "poison". I hope you got the pun on "arsenic". maybe it's not clear!?

[Stan Lee]

I did get it :) but the worm tickled my funny bone most!

[Woody]

still working on your story :)

[Stan Lee]

Thanks so much Woody. :)

[Woody]

you're welcome.

[Great Aunt Astri]

What a wonderful and naughty play on words! Had me chortling.

[Woody]

thanks heaps Aunty. so glad they made you laugh. I'm afraid that's the extent of my poetic prowess.