The Devil and the Nuns

Mother Superior warns the young nuns not to succumb to temptation

Mother Superior is standing at the pulpit with her back ramrod straight. She sweeps a glance over the gathering of young nuns. Her wrinkled face looks much like an old parchment but her piercing blue eyes have lost nothing of their intensity. They seem to look right inside the souls of the young girls.

All faces are upturned, looking with rapt attention and eyes unblinking. She’s not only their superior. She’s their role model. Many of them are projecting themselves, years from now, picturing themselves in that very lofty place, commanding attention. In the third row, Ana is drinking in every word she hears with bated breath. Like many others, she is clearly in awe.

“...It is not unheard of,” Mother Superior goes on, her voice booming in the huge church and bouncing off the walls, “that a young nun strays off the right path, attracted by the glamour of the wonderful outside world.”

She pauses for effect then “time and time again, I have observed a wayward novice be lured by Satan. She would forsake the good life of rectitude for the glittering lights of the beathtaking city.”

Her voice rises an octave “make no mistake about it, girls, the Prince of darkness is way too smart. He will use every trick in the book to lure you into his web. I have dedicated my life to fighting him. I have won many battles but, alas, lost on more occasions than I care to think about. Oh yes, Satan and I are old acquaintances. We’ve known each other for long years and he knows I’m a tough nut to crack.”

Mother Superior adjusts her bodice and, raising a bony finger, shouts ominously:

“THE DEVIL…”

Lightning flashes suddenly, illuminating the stained glass windows followed by a deafening clap of thunder. The nuns cringe and look fearfully at the windows, unconsciously crossing themselves.

“..is out there,” continues Mother Superior, unperturbed “rubbing his hands with glee. Be strong and pray, children. And, while you’re out there spreading God’s word and helping the needy, ask yourselves: 

is an hour of pleasure worth an eternity of damnation?”

A timid hand is raised hesitantly in the third row. The matron glares then, recognizing Ana, her features soften.

“What is it, Child?”

In a tremulous voice, Ana asks:

“How do you make it last an hour?”  

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Hilarious!!!! This is one of your smoothest & most well-crafted twists! There's no question about what's going on, but even more, the innocent question brings many unwritten images & memories to mind! I just love your crisp portrayal of Mother Superior here, it's like your writing just got an injection of starch (the kind that makes things stiff, used for laundry in the olden days). Very fun & provoking a knowing smile.

[Woody]

aah you made my day, B in this dreary afternoon. bring memories to mind? haha now you've got my brain cells working overtime :)
I'm elated this made you laugh. thanks a.. a.. sackful.

[emmajoy]

' “..is out there,” continues Mother Superior, unperturbed “rubbing his hands ..' - notice gender and then, shout out the answer of your choice!

Love the wording - eloquently and finely put; love the wit, and it IS wit... love the entire piece. Was led here, told your writing would make me smile, laugh, giggle.. it has.

[Woody]

aah you're too kind Emma. I'm flattered and elated that you saw the wit in here. thanks a million, Dear.

[emmajoy]

Just quickly read again - still smiling. By the way, went to a convent school - if I'd known what went on, would have concentrated more!!!

[Woody]

haha. always pay attention to what Mother Superior has to say :)

[emmajoy]

I really tried!

[Jimmy Yetts]

Dead-on depiction of a typical Mother Superior--at least, in my day. (Yours, too, as is glaringly obvious.)
Well-done and quite amusing anecdote, Woody. Though, I would like to have received the answer to that seemingly sensible and quite useful question--not that MS should have known it, or any young nun should have asked it.

[Woody]

thanks a lot frankie. mighty glad that you liked this one.
actually, what I know about churches is from hearsay, books and movies. the only time I set foot in a church was years ago when I was invited to a wedding. and there was no MS. perhaps you never noticed where I come from :)
thanks again for taking the time, F. :)

[Frieda P]

OH MY you are the devil Woody! You're going straight to bloody 'ell. Ha, I've still been reading your stuff when I was off the cafe, you never fail to crack me up with your warped storytelling. :)

[Woody]

thank you very much Dear. if I go to hell then God has a poor sense of humour :) you know there's no malice in my writing. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one.
BTW, I wish you'd take a quick gander at "Therapy", if you haven't already. you'll see why :)
I wrote that one right before you absconded (eloped?)

[Frieda P]

He has a warped sense of humor, that I know, he gave you a big scoop of it too . :) I think I have read it, it's when you returned, right? I'll check it out as my brain is on s l o w today... '')

[Frank]

It was good narrative, if a little silly (your words) but is it poetry or poetic prose, to me it is prose. But there was narrative and it was easy to read and not unfunny.

[Woody]

guilty as charged. you'll rarely catch me writing deep, thought provoking pieces. this site is, sadly, way too serious. I don't know what made you think it could be poetry, Frank. I intended it as a flash fiction.
thank you very much for stopping by and I sure am glad you find it funny.

[Frank]

Yes, sorry it's not poetry, as you get older the mind can have vacant moments. I suppose it's kinder this way to slip into oblivion unknowing but happy.

[Woody]

haha you make it sound like you're a hundred.

[Dara]

For some reason the phrase "The devil made me do it." came to my mind immediately. I love how your stories end in a punchline. It keeps one reading in anticipation and also, trying to guess beforehand lol.

[Woody]

yeah the eternal scapegoat isn't he? :)
thanks heaps for reading and commenting Passionflower. always glad to see you enjoy my stories. I like to keep the best for the end. I like to to think of the reader leaving the story with a smile.

[Cryingkate]

Hello My name is Howard... I am using Cryingkate's site to remark to your write..
You know of coarse that she would not be associated with reading this kind of material.
You know of coarse that her Mother Superior would be very angry. Esp. after finding out she not only asks very disturbing Questions; But, that she would even admit to the reading of this kind of write.

So with that said.... Bravo ! You had me on the chair edge waiting for your wittiness and still was pleasantly surprised.. Good writing there Woody

Signed... Howard :-)

[Woody]

hello there Howard. thank you very much for reading and commenting. I'm so glad you liked this silly little thing.
I didn't know that Kate was not allowed to read this sort of writes. so sorry.
some of my stories and poems contain dodgy innuendoes, I'm afraid. however, I'm never crude or too graphic. I don't write erotica. I just love the English language, the British sense of humour and use puns and unexpected endings to try and entertain the readers.
thanks again, Howard :)

[Cryingkate]

Giggles........ :-)

[Charles Kadib]

Hehehe...brilliant!! I never saw that one coming. This is my first time reading a story by you and this one reminds me of Agatha Christie's famous suprise endings. Such a laugh, the favorite and seemingly most devoted nun turning out to be the most experienced in such department. Well well what can a man say? And she must have been very frustrated at how it never lasts up to an hour, come to think how does mother superior know that an hour is a good estimate...curiouser and curiouser as Alice said in wonderland...

[Woody]

lol love your review Charles! it made me laugh. Mother Superior did say she lost a few battles to Satan, didn't she? I rest my case!
thank you very much for reviewing and commenting.

[Beccy]

Woody, this was absolutely wonderful. I was so absorbed in the excellent writing that the punch line took me completely by surprise.

Oh, and I suspect there are many who would like an answer to that particular question. :)

Beccy.

[Woody]

aah Beccy, your reviews always mysteriously brighten my day! ta very much, Dear. so glad you liked this. and you are absolutely right. that's the 64-thousand-dollar question :)

[Will Neill]

Woody, what can I say, Another great story from the master of comedy writing on W.C.
It was vivid and compelling.
Nice one.
Will

[Woody]

this is too much honour. thank you so much Will. as you know, I enjoy writing these short stories and always hope to make the reader at least smile.

[Marie]

This is really good and really funny. I knew you had something "devilish" in mind, but I didn't know what it would be.

Ana may already have a slight acquaintancesith Satan...

[Woody]

thank you very much, Marie. I like "slight acquaintance with Satan". I couldn't've put any better.
so glad you found this funny.

[Marie]

Well yes it is very funny. However, when you come right down to it, the only real evil is what hurts others.