The Devil and the Nuns

Mother Superior warns the young nuns not to succumb to temptation

Mother Superior is standing at the pulpit with her back ramrod straight. She sweeps a glance over the gathering of young nuns. Her wrinkled face looks much like an old parchment but her piercing blue eyes have lost nothing of their intensity. They seem to look right inside the souls of the young girls.

All faces are upturned, looking with rapt attention and eyes unblinking. She’s not only their superior. She’s their role model. Many of them are projecting themselves, years from now, picturing themselves in that very lofty place, commanding attention. In the third row, Ana is drinking in every word she hears with bated breath. Like many others, she is clearly in awe.

“...It is not unheard of,” Mother Superior goes on, her voice booming in the huge church and bouncing off the walls, “that a young nun strays off the right path, attracted by the glamour of the wonderful outside world.”

She pauses for effect then “time and time again, I have observed a wayward novice be lured by Satan. She would forsake the good life of rectitude for the glittering lights of the beathtaking city.”

Her voice rises an octave “make no mistake about it, girls, the Prince of darkness is way too smart. He will use every trick in the book to lure you into his web. I have dedicated my life to fighting him. I have won many battles but, alas, lost on more occasions than I care to think about. Oh yes, Satan and I are old acquaintances. We’ve known each other for long years and he knows I’m a tough nut to crack.”

Mother Superior adjusts her bodice and, raising a bony finger, shouts ominously:

“THE DEVIL…”

Lightning flashes suddenly, illuminating the stained glass windows followed by a deafening clap of thunder. The nuns cringe and look fearfully at the windows, unconsciously crossing themselves.

“..is out there,” continues Mother Superior, unperturbed “rubbing his hands with glee. Be strong and pray, children. And, while you’re out there spreading God’s word and helping the needy, ask yourselves: 

is an hour of pleasure worth an eternity of damnation?”

A timid hand is raised hesitantly in the third row. The matron glares then, recognizing Ana, her features soften.

“What is it, Child?”

In a tremulous voice, Ana asks:

“How do you make it last an hour?”  

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Hilarious!!!! This is one of your smoothest & most well-crafted twists! There's no question about what's going on, but even more, the innocent question brings many unwritten images & memories to mind! I just love your crisp portrayal of Mother Superior here, it's like your writing just got an injection of starch (the kind that makes things stiff, used for laundry in the olden days). Very fun & provoking a knowing smile.

[Woody]

aah you made my day, B in this dreary afternoon. bring memories to mind? haha now you've got my brain cells working overtime :)
I'm elated this made you laugh. thanks a.. a.. sackful.

[Lydia Shutter]

Delightfully blasphemous! I want to know how the finger of the Mother Superior could make the lightning flash! LOL Last an hour? Well, the Devil is a man after many women's hearts (ahem) it seems! LOLOL Oh, this one is truly wonderful...you heathen you! LOL Lydi**

[Woody]

oh Lydia! you made my day. I'm elated you liked this one. thank you.
blasphemous? I hope God has a good sense of humour. otherwise, I'm s*****d (sorry)
the lightning? I believe Mother Superior has more than one trick up her sleeve.

[wordman]

you should be ashamed woody,mother superior would hit you with that paddle
if she could catch you

[Woody]

why d'you think I never set foot in a church? persona non grata :)
she put herself in a hole. now she's got to dig herself out.
thanks for stopping by wordman

[wordman]

my pleasure woody

[Valentine]

Laughing, but I am not a Catholic although some of my family are. You are so bad. Valentine

[Woody]

I'm not a Catholic either but I was not mocking them, I promise. thanks loads Valentine :)

[MomzillaNC]

OMG! You are soooo BAD! ROTFLOL!

[Woody]

thank you Momzilla :) wait! what am I doing? I'm not bad. I simply tell it like it is. think I invent these things? all my stories are real.

[MomzillaNC]

Ahhh… so YOU'RE the joker with the ocean front property for sale in Arizona!

[Woody]

afraid I didn't get that :(

[Frank]

I don't believe he's a Tunisian either, more like a Californian :0)

[MomzillaNC]

It's an old joke. Arizona is land-locked. If someone tries to sell you ocean front property in Arizona, they're trying to scam you.

[Woody]

hahaha I'll take that as a compliment. thanks Frank :)

[MomzillaNC]

LOL :)

[Woody]

aah I see. never heard this before :)

[MomzillaNC]

Colloquialisms are always enlightening, I think.

[Woody]

absolutely.

[Frank]

Dung, I feel so daft, of course Arizona is land locked, I still think he's an eccentric millionaire living in Sun City

[Woody]

yeah right, millionaire. when pigs'll fly.

[MomzillaNC]

Yeah… we're all millionaires hanging out here hawking our next million dollar books!

[Woody]

I'm not interested in money.I'm going straight for the Nobel Prize :)

[MomzillaNC]

There's money that comes with that one!

[Woody]

dang! you read me like a book.

[MomzillaNC]

Ahh! Hee-hee!

[MsJewel]

LOL...if Mother Superior has the answer, I hope she shares it with the rest of us!
It's always a delight to visit your page Woody.

:) Julie

[Woody]

thank you very much Julie. glad this one made you laugh :)
that's the 64 000-dollar question, isn't it? *sigh* I wish I had the answer, myself. my wife is giving me hell.

[Samuel Dickens]

An hour? Well, she could've let me jump her bones when I was 25! I tell ya--I didn't need no Viagra. I guess this dispels the idea that nuns have never had none, ain't ever gonna get none, and don't want none. Another knee-slapper, Woody!

[Woody]

hey, Sam. long time no see. bloody work kept me away from the site. almost drove me crazy.
well nuns are human after all. unless they're wearing those chastity belts.
thanks for reading and commenting Sam. sorry about the late reply.

[Samuel Dickens]

That's ok. I haven't been around, either.

[Matching Socks]

Lol!! There's the million dollar question!!
Love this Woody! :)
Completely caught me by surprise!

[Woody]

haha damn irritating question, innit? best I can manage is 5 minutes and I've been married 30 years.
you know Ana, I've come to the conclusion it's a myth. or else I'm a lousy lover.
P.S. love your new pic.

[Matching Socks]

Must be a myth for sure then! :)

[Woody]

aww you're sweetly diplomatic. you're the best :)

[Matching Socks]

: ) .

[Gee]

Yeah,Woody,Woody,Woody.We like silly and silly it is,my cuppa,thanks.We need more of this to lighten the sites mood.

[Woody]

haha thanks Gee :) being silly by nature, I don't think I need much encouragement.
yes let's be merry :)

[Terpsichore]

Well written and very funny indeed, and perhaps not altogether without some truth.

Last line is a killer. T

[Woody]

always such a pleasure to see you like these little ones, T. thank you very much :)

[Gee]

You're welcome,have written a wee one about the top man,Anto which you may like.

[Moonie]

I was picturing Mother Superior as Homer Simpson anyway....:P Oh, this devil may care attitude of young nuns....

[Woody]

haha Homer? not Marge with her towering blue hair and raspy voice?
I guess young nuns are impressionable :)
thank you for stopping by :)