Grave Humour (Epitaphs)

old collaboration with dear Marie. may she rest in peace.

I-                The Dentist

Jim Beam was the best of dentists

His work was known for its brevity

He cured decay, rot and cysts

He’s now filling his last cavity

 

                             

(Marie’s versions)

 

A.Jim Beam loved his picks and drill;

  Many a molar he did fill.

  Now his coffin, as you see,

  Is Jim's final cavity.

 

                             

B. Jim Beam

     Did crowns and caps

     Bridges and braces.

     He pulled a tooth if he had to;

     Saved it if he could

     The years dimmed his eyesight

    And stiffened his fingers

    Reluctantly

    He put his forceps and picks away

    And waited for the final extraction.

    Now he rests

    In his coffin;

    The last cavity

    He will ever fill.

 

II-           The Crossword Compiler

Here lies the late George Tyler

The famous crossword compiler

He’s now here gathering moss

Buried six down, nine across

 

(Marie’s version)

 

George Tyler

Famous compiler of crosswords

Filled in his life's squares

Now he sleeps peacefully

Two down

Three across.

 

III-       The Fibber

Here lies Graham Wibber

The town’s biggest fibber

He always lied at will

And here he is lying, still

(Marie's version)

He never told the truth
When a lie would do.
Now he has nothing to do
But lie.

 

 

IV-        The Doctor

Here lies Doc. Whatshisname

Who reached the pinnacle of fame

He found a cure

But was not sure

So he tried it. What a bloody shame!

(Maries version)

Out in the east Texas town Wichita
The Doc asked himself "Will it kill; will it cure?"
He answered his question. In less than a heartbeat
The handsome young doctor lay dead on the floor.

Author's Note

No disrespect to the dead. just for a laugh.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I did not know Marie & may she rest in peace . . . with that said, let me confess, I liked all of your versions better. But it's just like you & your gentle, modest nature, to let the other person shine while you take a backseat (((HUGS))) I only had one minor correction for the crossword dude . . . around here, we bury people six under. Maybe the soil is too rocky where you live *heh! heh! heh!*

[Woody]

hahahaha I didn't know that. here's the thing. at first it was 2 down and 3 across, I think. I was thinking in terms of meters. then decided to use feet and messed it up. the wretched guy's gonna come out at the first rain or else scavengers will dig him up in no time. I'd better fix that ASAP. thank you. too rocky :)
thank you so much for your sweet review.
Marie was a wonderful poet/writer and a woman with a huge heart. I urge you to give her profile a peek. you won't regret it. her last poem was kind of prophetic. I believe her daughter's left it open.

[barleygirl]

I keep forgetting how backward we are here, never converting to metric, despite many good intentions. I often try to remember to use *C when speaking of temps, but that's as far as my metric mind goes *smile* Please give me Marie's full handle on this website . . .

[Woody]

that is her handle. juste marie. easy really. scroll down to her review and click on her pic.

[barleygirl]

WOW! WOW! And WOW! I already started loving her from reading her profile declarations! That last poem is a heart wrencher for those who knew & loved her, I'm sure! Thanks for directing me to that beautiful spot of remembrance for the more longtime WCers! (((HUGS))) I'll read more of hers as I go along.

[Woody]

glad you liked what you found. I really miss her.

[Great Aunt Astri]

What wonderful fun between the two of you. Yes, I think it has put a smile on Marie's face as she looks down on you!

[Woody]

thanks a lot Aunt Astri. glad you liked it. I'm sure it has. may she rest in peace.

[alifeacoustic]

Don't know who Marie is my friend but it sounds like you two might have been hewn from the same soul. Great combo of you and her forming your own different yet similar perspective. Great job by both of you, great writes.

[Woody]

thank you my friend. dear marie has passed on and left a gaping hole in the site. she was a wonderful storyteller and a sensitive poet. I believe her daughter left her account open. take a quick peek.

[alifeacoustic]

Sorry to hear that. I'll check it out.

[Will Neill]

I can just hear Marie sniggering at this, Authors never die when their writing lives on.
Good one Woody

[Woody]

I should hope so, Will. Marie'll always be remembered.
thanks a lot for dropping in my friend

[M.E.Lyle]

Ha ha, Woody, I'm so glad you brought this back. I really miss Marie. The two of you together was a dangerous potion.

[Woody]

thanks a lot Mike. yes I truly and honestly miss Marie. feels as if I'd known her all my life. she was a good person with a huge heart and a damn good poet and storyteller.
yes, I thought the new members here might like it.

[Jimmy Yetts]

A raucous and witty group, Woody!
Enjoyed every line!

[Woody]

thanks a lot Frankie. I'm glad you enjoyed them.

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I love your versions the most! Pure hilarity!

[Woody]

damn now I know what it feels like to have a shot of LSD in your veins. I'm hovering above the ground :)))
thanks a bunch Nadia.

[wordman]

and I like jim and jack, they have a knack ,to cure the blues and other woo`s
don`t know nuthin bout no drill but the medicine will give you a thrill you like that woody

[Woody]

haha I like that :)
thank you for stopping by wordman. glad you like it.

[Miss Sharon]

LOL! I really got a kick out of this Woody and I know you meant no disrespect to the dead. That's not your style. Thanks again for a good laugh...we all need that so much in today's world. ~Sharon

[Woody]

:) thanks a lot Miss Sharon. indeed it is a sad world we live in today and we should all try to spread a little joy around us.
always a pleasure to make you laugh.

[Miss Sharon]

And it's a pleasure to be made to laugh! ;>) ~Sharon

[Ali-Money-Ha]

Hi Woody, this was a very funny compilation. I can appreciate the humor you have!

[Woody]

thanks a lot Ali. so glad you like my silliness :)

[Sheila Kline]

Oh, I love them...........especially the crossword compiler!!! Thanks for sharing these chuckles with us!!

[Woody]

my pleasure entirely. thank you very much Sheila. glad you enjoyed these titbits.