The Jungle Book

collection

King of the Jungle

Zan lives in the jungle with the apes

He’s feared by lions and gators

He fell in a barrel of tar by the lake

While picking up wild potaters

Now the hyenas are mocking the man

They laugh n’ jeer n’ call him Tar Zan 

 

Smoking Jane

When Jane threw her cigarette on the forest floor

Unwittingly ignoring the ashtray by the door

 

She started a fire that spread like… wild fire

Making the elephant climb a tree, to escape the pyre

 

But for his defense, he made a trunk call, posthaste

Before the whole freaking place went to waste

 

The firefighters started running hither and thither

Hurriedly drawing water from the nearby river

 

Now Tarzan despondently stood and watched his domain

As crying Jane promised not to ever smoke again

 

 

Hide and Seek

The felines met to play a game

Tigers, lions, they all came

“Come let’s all play hide and seek

And I promise I’ll not peek,”

Said the leopard they call Rita

But they knew she was a cheetah

 

 

Huma

 

There was a young man from Yuma

Who once told a joke to a puma

Now the puma didn’t laugh

But, instead, bit his calf

That puma had no sense of huma

Reviews

[Gee]

And the monkeys came, all lesbians,
led by the crop haired Lana,
who got her kicks, with primate chicks,
and her Ann Summers banana.
Whilst the monkey males,told sad tales,
of life without vagina,
their bleeding hearts responsible for,
the sharp rise in acute angina.

Morning Woody !!!

[Woody]

you're one of a kind, Gee :)) very funny. is it yours. I wonder? if so, why don't you post it?
I post poems to elicit a smile and get one back. thank you my friend.

[Gee]

I tend to leave the funny stuff to those of you that do it best Woody, and there are vey few of you who pull it off. Oh, and yes my friend it is a Gee original...

[Woody]

flattery will get you anywhere :)
and you're also modest. you're a good man, Gee.

[Gee]

Thank you..

[Gee]

Hi Woody, have posted as a poem with an extra 8 lines.....hope you are well

[Woody]

I'm on it Gee :)

[Valentine]

Another classic witty write. Still smiling. Valentine

[Woody]

still smiling for an obvious different reason :)))))
thank you Valentine

[marilyn 1225]

these funny poems are ingenious love the huma and rita the cheetah very creative and your sense of humor runs throughout...

[Woody]

gosh I'm so glad marilyn thanks a million. you seem to prefer poetry. there a few other nes scattered there. when you have the time :)

[marilyn 1225]

will read all I love short stories. Have you published a novel?

[Woody]

nope. I won't do it in Tunisia anyway. I'd love to do it in the States or UK but I don't know how to go about it. but first, are they worth publishing?

[Amy Rose]

Hilarious :D that man has NO sense of huma :D

[Woody]

thank you Amy. I know you know some of them but I put them together to make a mini book :)

[MomzillaNC]

LOL! My favorite is "Said the leopard they call Rita; But they knew she was a cheetah"

[Woody]

thanks loads Momzilla. what a joy to make you laugh :)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. You're writes always tickle my funny bone.

[Mr_M]

haha! Very witty and extremely funny. Cheers for the smiles Woody.

[Woody]

thank you Mr_M. so glad you enjoyed this :)

[Hawkmoon]

hahaha go to the Zoo and tell these to the Tiger in his Cage.

Huma is very funny. Keep writing these, until you have 500 or so!!!

Take out the word "alike" after gators, change wild green grapes to "wild potaters"

[Woody]

lol 500 seems like a huge number. for one thing, I don't think I know as many wild animals.
thank you for the hint. I'll make the changes anon.
thank you very much for taking the time hawkmoon. glad you liked my silly poetry.

[Hawkmoon]

there's 7 billion people and most of them would identify with these poems
like Shel Silverstein

[Woody]

aah I plead ignorance. I'll need to google Shel Silverstein. thanks again.

[Hawkmoon]

ahaha :O Shel Silverstein (hes one of the best) would write these poems if you werent writing them now. have a good day!

[Woody]

I've just read a few of his poems. quite funny. I like the ones I've read. I'm partial to rhymed poems.

[Hawkmoon]

yes, yours are quite comparable! :)

[Woody]

I'm humbled and flattered. thanks.

[Hawkmoon]

yeh, Shel Silverstein is a great poetic mentality. have fun in freedom.

[roarke]

Lim-ungles huh? Breezy brevity to bemuse Bawana.....

[Woody]

haha that's a good title! I wish I'd thought of "Bwana". that's a word I could've used.
thank you for stopping by, roarke. long time no see.

[roarke]

I've writer's block incognito....

[Woody]

oh boy! I know what that is. been there. I had it in-Tunisia.

[bela]

a modern jungle poem. i like this lines

Now Tarzan despondently stood and watched his domain
As crying Jane promised not to ever smoke again

[Woody]

haha thank you Bela. I enjoy playing the fool. glad you liked this one.

[Vanesa Markovic]

This is fantastic!
The last stanza gave me quite a laugh, absolutely witty and clever.
Well done!
-VM

[Woody]

I'm thrilled you found this one funny. thanks heaps, Vanesa.

[Samuel Dickens]

What, no Guitar-Zan? What about Shiek Yer-Booty? I'm just kidding--you've got all the ones that count. You're a funny, Woody.

[Woody]

thanks a lot sam. those two are good. I might find a future use for them.
the whole rigmarole about Jane was so I can use the "trunk call".
thanks again.