Think-tank

very short and extremely silly rambling.

Her name is Giulia Spott, but known to everybody as simply G. Spott. I’ll only say this: Giulia is hot. Very hot, but I’ll say no more. So please stop grinning, this is no erotic account. Don’t expect me to describe her voluptuous body, nor her ample bosom or shapely legs. I’d hate to think of you drooling on your keyboard. Imagine the mess!

I’ve been sitting here for the best part of an hour. I shift in my seat. I need to get going. I start work at the “Skull ‘n Bones” in half an hour. Besides, my right leg is getting numb but my mind is being bombarded by dark thoughts and I just can’t let bygones be bygones.

Thing is, G. Spott ditched me for Fartin’ Martin (my nickname for him). And that is something hard to swallow.

What on earth does Martin have on me? Granted he is good looking and has a finely shaped V-body with an impressive six-pack. But apart from that, what makes him a better catch than me? It’s a bloody mystery! Ok, he’s got a Jag and plenty of money, but he’s a complete moron.

I light another cigarette.

I know Martin has a degree in chemistry and is now running a successful business. Does that make him better than me, I ask you?

I stretch my leg, coaxing a better blood circulation in it. I take a deep drag and think back to the steamy nights with G. Spott. When we were in bed.. but, no, I said I was not going to tell you about my sexual prowess. I only wonder if Fartin’ Martin is a better performer.

That’s it. I need to get going. I stub my butt (cigarette butt, silly!), wipe off, stand up and flush the toilet. I head for the wash basin and fall flat on my face. S**t! I always forget to pull my pants up before moving to wash my hands.

I leave my think-tank and go to work. A man’s gotta earn his keep, right?

As I push the door, I see Eleonor and Marie Lou swinging on the floor, going “Neh Nah Nah Nah!” but that’s another story. So

Vaya con Dios.  

Author's Note

I don't know where this came from. I don't know what the hell it means, so don't ask me.
if I get more than 10 negative reviews, I'll delete it. I've got a reputation to safeguard.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is hilarious! I love the way it's more gut-level expression than some of your more finely-crafted stories. The crassness serves you well here . . . just enuf, but not too much . . . and I have to confess, I didn't get "think tank" until the guy wiped his butt, which is a very imaginative & funny scene, the way you describe it. Many nice subtleties like "G Spot" and "stub my butt", etc. I'm a sucker for toilet humor. It makes me want to tell the story about how I always ended up sitting in a cubicle next to some frequently-farting fool, in a number of my jobs, over the years *smile*

[Woody]

hahaha please, do tell! indeed bathroom humour can be very funny. thank you Dear as always.
you're a gem.
I think I'm ready now. going to read a couple of your stories which I espied in passing. talk later :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Though it wasn't purely a humorous story, it did have a few lines that made me smile and/or smirk. You're a witty man, Woody, and you managed to blend humor with the realistic emotions of a rejected lover.

[Woody]

hey Clifford! thanks my friend. yes I was tackling the funny side of a serious situation.
seems like you've never heard of the band called Vaya Con Dios. strange nobody has picked on that.
thanks again Cliff :)

[James]

It's where I make all my important decisions. A great story my friend.

[Woody]

thanks a lot my friend. tell you the truth, I always read when I'm sitting on the throne. I rarely think. but I know a lot of people do.
having trouble getting back on track. I owe you a visit :)

[Samuel Dickens]

Well, when a guy is sitting on the porcelain throne, it's perfect time to think about these other things one does when the pants are down. It's only natural, you see. Why, I've done some of my most naughty thinking while stuck on the pot.

[Woody]

I've read a book once called "thoughts from the throne". I think that's where this comes from. it is a fine place to ponder the mysteries of life, I find. if you're not reading a book, there's not much else to do, is there?
thanks a lot for the visit, Sam.

[...]

Hahahahaha it came from the recesses of your creative mind and it's quirky and funny and original and I'm really glad I stumbled in to read you tripping over your pants :)

[Woody]

yeah I sometimes do get quirky ideas and it scares the s**t out of me.
thanks heaps lynn. I'm elated this made you laugh :)

[Valentine]

So....that is where you sit and think huh? Or did I forget one letter. Valentine

[Woody]

hahahaha veeery good Valentine.
I need to ask you something. do you know that band "vaya Con Dios"?

[Valentine]

Nope, never heard of them.

[Woody]

damn! I keep assuming that my references and nods to bands or particular people will be understood by the English speaking community. see? I messed up the ending :((
look up the band on youtube when you have a minute. you won't regret it.

[Jimmy Yetts]

These days, G. Spott seems hard for you to find. Hate when that happens; life goes downhill, fast.
As always, Woody, an entertaining patchwork of word play and humorous observations.
Good read!

[Woody]

thank you my friend. I'm glad you noticed the G Spott (silly name)
I wonder if you know the band "Vaya Con Dios"

[Jimmy Yetts]

I don't think so, Woody.

[Woody]

aah the ending has gone unnoticed. damn!
when you have a minute, check them out on youtube. "Neh Nah Nah Nah" is one of their songs.
and the lady has sublime voice.
I'm sure the reviewers were left wondering what the hell is Woody blathering about?

[Beccy]

I bet he doesn't have your sense of humour: I rather that than half a dozen Jags. :)

Beccy.

[Woody]

haha thanks Beccy. I create all sorts of characters. some are quite funny, I think.
by the way, I'm back. put a new one out there.

[Gibbons]

I really like they way you directly address the reader. I also did not see the punchline coming! Really liked it.

[Woody]

thanks a lot Gibbons. I'm super glad you liked this one.

[MsJewel]

I wondered why men spent so much time in the bathroom - now I know - "think tank".
Don't you dare delete this one - it is very funny!

:) Julie

[Woody]

gosh, what a lovely review! thanks a ton for the compliment. I almost didn't post it.