Senses

she awakened my senses!

I heard your footsteps on the floor

Then caught a whiff of that perfume,

So sweet, the one you always wore,

I saw your outline in the gloom,

And touched the softness of your hair,

To taste the lips that burned me through

With honeyed poison, rich and rare,

Melting my senses into you.

Author's Note

I had this idea of a girl awakening my five senses. I wrote a poem and asked Marie's opinion. she touched it with her magic wand and, lo and behold, cinderella is now a princess. so any credit goes directly to Mary. thank you Marie.

Reviews

[Frank]

Sorry to mess around with your work Woody, thought I would have a bash at uniformity of regular syllable count at the expense of modifiers, well I am not really sorry, not if you don't shout at me. It can sound a little monotonous in the iambics this way, but you can add the odd modifier to one or two lines to break that flow, depending on what you really want to say and not just use filler material.

Yes! you have listed the five sense, have you not? I just realised that. Very clever Woody.

To me, you do not have to make it rhyme to be good, you could still use your modifiers and drop the rhyme completely, it is still a good poem in free style or metrical with an even number of feet.

I heard your footsteps on the floor [8 syllables]

Then caught a whiff of that perfume [8]

so sweet the one you always wore [8]

I saw your outline in the gloom [8]

and touched the softness of your hair [8]

to taste the lips that burned me through [8]

With honeyed poison, rich and rare [8]

Melting my senses into you [8]

[Woody]

thank you Frank. no, how could I shout at you? I like the changes you suggested, but don't ask me to drop the rhyme. call me old fashioned but to me, a poem without rhyme feels kinda naked.
I'll make the changes

[Frank]

OK, it's your poem :)

[Beccy]

A beautifully painted picture and so, so romantic.

I love your humour, but you should write more like this as well.


Beccy. x

[Woody]

you know the one about the tiger not being able to change its stripes, right? (I hate leopards). well I'm more happy with humour. I'm in my element, then.
thank you very much Becy.

[Rob Santana]

Our senses are truly a blessing wouldn't you agree. Anytime I smell perfume I get a sense of passion. This is piece is lovely. Great job Woody.

[Woody]

I totally agree. a simple whiff of feminin perfume may transport you to the heavens and create a magical picture. thank you so mucch Rob. glad you liked it.

[Tiana]

Absolutely beautiful, Woody. Awaken of senses brings such depth and meaning. Wonderful imagery ...

[Woody]

thank you so much IW. I need to remind every reviewer that Marie is the one who did most of the job so credits should really go to her.
thanks for taking the time.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Marie would be a really good guide...

and this is what real attraction is...it attacks the five senses...sight, sound, taste, touch and smell...
and that very real paradox, maddening and sweet---

[Woody]

she certainly is, jacob. I always defer to her, particularly in the poetry department.
yes jacob, the five senses are often attacked though many poets focus on sights and touch.
thank you for the visit.

[Mark]

I adore this side of you Woody, i came to read some of the witty dialogue you do so well and came across this romantic poem... I was not disappointed, the use of the five senses gave me a deeper feel for the visuals and the last line tied it together perfectly for me.

Thank you, I hope to see more :)

[Woody]

Mark you are soo kind to say that but in all honesty, I did very little. I wish I'd written it all by myself. the serious ones I've written are rare and far between as I mostly enjoy playing the joker. as I mentioned in the author's note, all credit should go to Marie.
now if you're looking for a laugh, I'm your man :)

[Matching Socks]

You do love poems so beautifully Woody. I forget sometimes what a wonderful poet you are too because I get so lost in your wonderful funny stories. This is such a lovely poem. :)
Well done Woody and Marie.

[Woody]

thank you very much Ana but I must insist that it's much more Marie's than mine. SHE's the poet.

[Matching Socks]

Good job Marie!

[Marie]

Thank you. But Woody gave me the idea; I would never have doet it without him.