Senses

she awakened my senses!

I heard your footsteps on the floor

Then caught a whiff of that perfume,

So sweet, the one you always wore,

I saw your outline in the gloom,

And touched the softness of your hair,

To taste the lips that burned me through

With honeyed poison, rich and rare,

Melting my senses into you.

Author's Note

I had this idea of a girl awakening my five senses. I wrote a poem and asked Marie's opinion. she touched it with her magic wand and, lo and behold, cinderella is now a princess. so any credit goes directly to Mary. thank you Marie.

Reviews

[Frank]

Sorry to mess around with your work Woody, thought I would have a bash at uniformity of regular syllable count at the expense of modifiers, well I am not really sorry, not if you don't shout at me. It can sound a little monotonous in the iambics this way, but you can add the odd modifier to one or two lines to break that flow, depending on what you really want to say and not just use filler material.

Yes! you have listed the five sense, have you not? I just realised that. Very clever Woody.

To me, you do not have to make it rhyme to be good, you could still use your modifiers and drop the rhyme completely, it is still a good poem in free style or metrical with an even number of feet.

I heard your footsteps on the floor [8 syllables]

Then caught a whiff of that perfume [8]

so sweet the one you always wore [8]

I saw your outline in the gloom [8]

and touched the softness of your hair [8]

to taste the lips that burned me through [8]

With honeyed poison, rich and rare [8]

Melting my senses into you [8]

[Woody]

thank you Frank. no, how could I shout at you? I like the changes you suggested, but don't ask me to drop the rhyme. call me old fashioned but to me, a poem without rhyme feels kinda naked.
I'll make the changes

[Frank]

OK, it's your poem :)

[Nisreen]

Woody this is exquisite
so true
beautiful

[Woody]

aww so nice of you to say so, R. thanks a bunch.

[barleygirl]

I really like this idea of using the five senses to convey your attraction to the beloved. "Taste" is my favorite one. I just like the overall approachable tone thru-out . . . sweet, but not cloyingly so. Good job accomplishing your goal.

[Woody]

taste's good. no argument there :) thank you barleygirl for digging this old one up. I must've been in one of my silly moods at the time. glad you thought this good.

[barleygirl]

I meant, I like the way you expressed "taste" the best in your poem! *smile*

[Woody]

hahahahaha silly me

[Charles Kadib]

I'm not normally into poems but occasionally a poet can make me change perception.. Yeat's Byzantium, Klebnikov's Wordlet and Woody's Senses...soft and sure

[Woody]

awfully nice of you Charles. I'm not into poems myself but the muse is a funny thing.
thanks a lot my friend.

[AprilRN1210]

awwwwww.. I absolutely adore this one.. seeing the softer, romantic side.. you definitely teased the senses with this one.. magic wand and all.. well done the two of you.. I really enjoyed this.. the imagery, flow, and subtle rhymes make this all the more dreamy.. pretty strong poison on those lips to melt you my friend.. beautiful..

[Woody]

I'm tagging along and learning. thank you April. you're so kind. beneath the clown's mask lurks a hopeless romantic with a soft heart (hahaha just kidding)

[MomzillaNC]

Ooo! I like it! :D

[Woody]

thanks a lot Momzilla. not just a funny clown, eh?

[MomzillaNC]

Shame you're not in the Poetry Challenge Group. This could be a great answer to one of the Valentine's challenges.

[Woody]

nah, I know my limits. now and then a blinding light flashes in the night and I get an inspiration. that explains why my wife insists on sleeping in the guest's room. wait! I'm not sure that is the reason.
anyway, thank you for your faith in me.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. Wish I could fill your confidence up with some of that faith.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

I like it, you have a good feelings about that you love, it's good poem. Thank you for this.

[Woody]

thank you very much Dakir for stopping by and commenting :)

[Valentine]

The main sense is when you are alive enough to enjoy all of the pleasures of the other five. Valentine

[Woody]

I know exactly what you mean valentine. I wish with all my heart that you manage to re-start living :)
thank you for reading.

[Lydia Shutter]

Passion is felt by all five senses.....it is overwhelming and takes control of the psyche. You have captured that with your words. Good rhyming too. Lydi**

[Woody]

awfully nice of you Lydia. I've had a great teacher: Marie.

[Samuel Dickens]

And here we have Woody, the sensitive poet. Nice work, my friend.

[Woody]

thanks heaps Sam. well don't they say that under the clown's mask, beats a tender heart or something to that effect?
that said, the idea was mine, the first draft was mine but the end result is Marie's. so the credit should really go to her.