Prince Charming

A poor girl's dream finally came true. she found her Prince Charming in a pond. (in a pond?)

Fergy Gorf stood at the edge of the pond, feet unshod and toes wriggling in the mud. The booming of her heart was a deafening cacophony that drowned the twittering of the birds in the woods. Her hands were trembling as her eyes kept darting from the picture in the yellowed paper she was holding, to the toad at her feet. The marks on the back of the animal matched perfectly the drawings on the picture. The capital S was clear as daylight. Even the colour matched. Red on yellow background, inside a triangle. The rest of the body was blue.

“This is the one!” she thought feverishly, “the one I’ve been searching for for years.”

Fergy knew for certain that the miserable life she’d been leading with her father and stepmother was finally over. God had finally answered her prayers. No more slaving for a woman that despised her and a  drunken father who didn’t care a hoot. (I know, I know, “s**t” carries more punch but kids could be reading this, right?). The old biddy had not been lying after all. It was no fairy tale nonsense. The skinny girl moved ever so cautiously and stood behind the toad. She had to grab it fast before it bolted back into the water whence it had emerged moments before. She slowly took the piece of linen out of her pocket and threw it on the toad like a fisherman casting his net. She whooped with glee. And jumped on the trapped animal and scooped it up. She was panting now and laughing nervously. She couldn’t believe she’d done it. 

She had finally found her Prince Charming. She was going to be loved and live in a castle. She’d be covered in gold and jewels and have long lie ins on Sundays. She’d have breakfast in bed. There’d better be bacon, loads of it or heads would roll. She forced herself to calm down and took deep breaths.

Fergy gingerly removed the cloth (Damn! I should’ve called her Ginger).

She held the terrified animal in both hands and looked him in his goggling eyes which were darting hither and thither, looking for an escape. His throat bulged and deflated repeatedly as he breathed and she could feel his tiny heart throbbing.

“Please, don’t be afraid Your Highness!” she told him, “I mean you no harm. Your days in the pond are over. You’re going to your rightful place with your beautiful princess.”

Fergy emitted another nervous titter.

“Ready, my love?”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried to quiet her wild heart.

Fergy puckered her lips (Damn! I should’ve called her Parker) and placed a wet tender kiss on the toad’s mouth. (Yuck!)

A loud pop echoed, which silenced the birds of the woods. A thick white mist enveloped the scene then dissipated after a short moment.

The toad was back on the ground, ogling a beautiful frog.

In the last few seconds Fergy still possessed her human mental faculties, she knew she’d made a terrible mistake.

Miss Gorf turned into a frog.

“CROAK " CROAAK " CRROAK!” went the toad, which, in amphibian speak, means “Hello Gorgeous! What took you so long?”   

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I really really love this! First, I'm a bit of a frog nut (as you may have noticed). I've written a few frog poems myself . . . but none as clever & illuminating as this one! *tee! hee!* Usually, I read fun & pleasure in your well-penned stories, but this time I'm getting a strong allegory . . . the way we think another person should turn into what WE are & what WE want (just becuz we bestow our affection upon them) . . . instead of considering the possibility that we might turn into what THEY are & what THEY want. This really turns the original fairy tale into dog food & I love it. Great twist, which I didn't see coming.

[Woody]

thank you soo much Barleygirl. to be honest, I was not quite sure about this one as I did not play the outright clown as usual. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. your interpretation is spot on.
I'm not crazy about frogs myself. not because they're as ugly as sin but they're not as cuddly as, say a cat, a dog or a sloth. I'd love to have a sloth for a pet. they're so cute when they smile.

[barleygirl]

I have many fond feelings for tons of animals, but never considered the sloth . . . but you're right, they are cute . . . I always see their long nails, tho *smile*

[Samuel Dickens]

Heh-heh, well that's a new twist. That name "Fergy Gorf" sounds familiar. In high school, she might be the one who used to snatch the roll off my tray with her tongue. (She was kinda hot) You're tickling the funny bones today, Woody.

[Woody]

haha always a pleasure to oblige, Sam. and your reviews are always little gems themselves.
"snatch your roll with her tongue" priceless!

[MomzillaNC]

LOL! A very amusing little tale… Serves her right for taking the advice of some babbling old biddy! :D I love your little asides, too. The whole piece has this great campfire-side feel to it.

NOTES: I recommend choosing a different font face. Courier isn't the most readable of font faces because of the character spacing and the tracking. Times fonts or Palatino or Georgia are the most commonly used serif font faces because of their high degree of readability, and the ease with which spacing and tracking can be adjusted. Helvetica is a fairly universal san-serif font for similar reasons.

[Woody]

thanks loads Dear :)
I'm thrilled that you find it funny.
that damn font! it looks alright on my screen!!! but many have complained so I'll try to remember. I changed to "Georgia". hope it's fine now.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. And, yes, it's much better. I used to work as a graphic designer in print publications and Courier is generally abhorred by us all! You only ever got it back the when you had to break out the manual typewriters. LOL

[Woody]

haha gotcha! ok from now on, it's Georgia. if I forget, I'll hum "Georgia on my mind".

[MomzillaNC]

LMBO . . . . . . . :D

[Woody]

this is a new one to me. does the B stand for bum, by any chance?

[MomzillaNC]

Laughing
My
Butt
Off

[Woody]

yeah, bum, butt same difference. I'm more familiar with LMAO :)

[MomzillaNC]

As a mother of 10 year old boy just looking for a chance to cuss, I try to apply less vulgar terms, even in LOLspeak. The one that usually throws folks is "IKWYM"

[Woody]

you lost me there. wait! I know what you mean?

[MomzillaNC]

That's correct!