Prince Charming

A poor girl's dream finally came true. she found her Prince Charming in a pond. (in a pond?)

Fergy Gorf stood at the edge of the pond, feet unshod and toes wriggling in the mud. The booming of her heart was a deafening cacophony that drowned the twittering of the birds in the woods. Her hands were trembling as her eyes kept darting from the picture in the yellowed paper she was holding, to the toad at her feet. The marks on the back of the animal matched perfectly the drawings on the picture. The capital S was clear as daylight. Even the colour matched. Red on yellow background, inside a triangle. The rest of the body was blue.

“This is the one!” she thought feverishly, “the one I’ve been searching for for years.”

Fergy knew for certain that the miserable life she’d been leading with her father and stepmother was finally over. God had finally answered her prayers. No more slaving for a woman that despised her and a  drunken father who didn’t care a hoot. (I know, I know, “s**t” carries more punch but kids could be reading this, right?). The old biddy had not been lying after all. It was no fairy tale nonsense. The skinny girl moved ever so cautiously and stood behind the toad. She had to grab it fast before it bolted back into the water whence it had emerged moments before. She slowly took the piece of linen out of her pocket and threw it on the toad like a fisherman casting his net. She whooped with glee. And jumped on the trapped animal and scooped it up. She was panting now and laughing nervously. She couldn’t believe she’d done it. 

She had finally found her Prince Charming. She was going to be loved and live in a castle. She’d be covered in gold and jewels and have long lie ins on Sundays. She’d have breakfast in bed. There’d better be bacon, loads of it or heads would roll. She forced herself to calm down and took deep breaths.

Fergy gingerly removed the cloth (Damn! I should’ve called her Ginger).

She held the terrified animal in both hands and looked him in his goggling eyes which were darting hither and thither, looking for an escape. His throat bulged and deflated repeatedly as he breathed and she could feel his tiny heart throbbing.

“Please, don’t be afraid Your Highness!” she told him, “I mean you no harm. Your days in the pond are over. You’re going to your rightful place with your beautiful princess.”

Fergy emitted another nervous titter.

“Ready, my love?”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried to quiet her wild heart.

Fergy puckered her lips (Damn! I should’ve called her Parker) and placed a wet tender kiss on the toad’s mouth. (Yuck!)

A loud pop echoed, which silenced the birds of the woods. A thick white mist enveloped the scene then dissipated after a short moment.

The toad was back on the ground, ogling a beautiful frog.

In the last few seconds Fergy still possessed her human mental faculties, she knew she’d made a terrible mistake.

Miss Gorf turned into a frog.

“CROAK " CROAAK " CRROAK!” went the toad, which, in amphibian speak, means “Hello Gorgeous! What took you so long?”   

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I really really love this! First, I'm a bit of a frog nut (as you may have noticed). I've written a few frog poems myself . . . but none as clever & illuminating as this one! *tee! hee!* Usually, I read fun & pleasure in your well-penned stories, but this time I'm getting a strong allegory . . . the way we think another person should turn into what WE are & what WE want (just becuz we bestow our affection upon them) . . . instead of considering the possibility that we might turn into what THEY are & what THEY want. This really turns the original fairy tale into dog food & I love it. Great twist, which I didn't see coming.

[Woody]

thank you soo much Barleygirl. to be honest, I was not quite sure about this one as I did not play the outright clown as usual. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. your interpretation is spot on.
I'm not crazy about frogs myself. not because they're as ugly as sin but they're not as cuddly as, say a cat, a dog or a sloth. I'd love to have a sloth for a pet. they're so cute when they smile.

[barleygirl]

I have many fond feelings for tons of animals, but never considered the sloth . . . but you're right, they are cute . . . I always see their long nails, tho *smile*

[Rita L. Sev]

I don't often read stories here (more accurately, there are only a few story writers that I make sure to read), but I am SO glad I stopped by your pages today, Woody. Thanks for the giggle! :)

[Woody]

I'm SO pleased and honored that a poet took the trouble of stopping by :) thanks Dear.

[Matching Socks]

So much truth in this tale Woody.
When a woman marries a man, for him it is better, for her it is worse.
Silly girl.... :)

[Woody]

my wife would undoubtedly roll her eyes and say: "ain't that the truth?"
but then, what do women know, huh? they often think we get the better deal.
thanks for reading beautiful Lady.

[Matching Socks]

Haha, see?
Already you're outnumbered 2 to 1.

[Trace]

Moral of the story.
Make sure you have your facts from a reputable source and your ducks in a row
Before you go kissing frogs.

Ginger gingerly puckered for Parker the prince????? perhaps....

So enjoy your mind as it slowly leaks upon the page through your talented pen.

Trace

[Woody]

haha that's almost what I was thinking. Ginger gingerly.... and Ms Parker puckered her lips.
and yes spells can be tricky. I, personally, am careful with the spells I use.
thanks for stopping by, Trace, and for the funny review :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol......one has to be very careful following these recipe's for "happy ever afters" eh Woody.Another wonderful story my friend .I have missed reading your words :)

[Woody]

yoooooohooooo!!!!! Vidya's baaaaack!!!!! hello stranger. nice to see you again. now don't you go disappear again!!!
I have missed your poetry as well.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hey Woody I am suffering from the dreaded writer's block but as always it has been an honest pleasure to read your work and I have missed you too my dear friend :)

[Woody]

oh been there, believe me. all of us have, at one time or another. I wrote about it and it seemed to work. read "therapy" if you've got a minute.
listen. write anything. doesn't have to be great. it'll help you kickstart (is that correct to say it?)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol hello Woody it is fine to say.Have a great day kind sir :)

[Beccy]

Careful what you wish for I always say. Still, at least Fergy got her man. :)

Beccy.

[Woody]

hi Beccy :) thanks for stopping by, Dear. yes I agree. wishes may backfire. yes she got her man. or frog.

[Moonie]

I would be extra cautious the next time I set out to kiss a frog!! :D This one made me laugh ever so hard! Especially, the narrator's notes. But I wanted to ask and I must know why, I must... why did you call her "Fergy Gorf" in the first place...? Makes me think of a gothic Argus Filch(from Harry Potter)....

[Woody]

thanks a lot Dawn. glad you enjoyed :)
now, the name. Fergy's obviously a normal English name. plus it sounds slightly like frog.
the surname, though, is a silly idea I had. Gorf. read it backwards :)

[Moonie]

Oh, when I read the name I thought it would be an anagram for a princess' name. I focused on fergy rather than her last name. How silly of me to ignore the big fat "frog" sitting backwards right before my eyes.... :P
On a sidenote, forgive me for my awful pun!! :D

[Moonie]

I love the story! Definitely going to my library! :))

[Woody]

no need to apologize :) I like a person with a sense of humour. I'm so pleased this made you laugh.

[Nusquam Esse]

This twist did not exactly surprise me, but neither did it fail to entertain me. If you ask me, she seemed a rather toady princess to begin with, what with all the fantasies about what a prince should do for her. I particularly enjoyed the way the narrator (hey that is you!) often interrupts himself rather ironically throughout. I mean, I would say I enjoyed the s**t out of this, but again, children might be reading. :P And I happen to think that Parker is a fine name for a lady! My advice for this one (beside making it amphibian-speak) would be to look for ways to make your sentences less choppy. Use semicolons to combine very similar clauses, to improve the flow. I just get thrown off when someone has like seven sentences in a row, with none of them having more than that number of syllables; it doesn't feel like natural speech. (mainly an issue in your fourth paragraph)

[Woody]

Fixed!
you were of course right, N. it was choppy.
thank you as always. glad to have you stop by and enjoy the ramblings of an old man (joking, of course. I'm not that old)

[Nusquam Esse]

And you hardly ramble... I mean... have you seen my stuff? It is not at all unusual for me to craft 200+ word sentences, which while technically coherent and grammatically correct, are long-winded at best. :) Glad that I could give a little advice this time beyond simply chuckling at your odd blend of ironic satire.

[Terpsichore]

In my experience Prince Charmings are generally toads in disguise. Miss Gorf Indeed!

T

[Woody]

I guess that's what Miss Gorf thought. apparently she unwittingly got the toad that produced the reverse effect. ta for dropping by, T.

[Marie]

I should have gotten "Gorf" right away, shouldn't I?

I don' think she made such a terrible mistake. She got away from her father and stepmother, and she certainly isn't going to have to slave like a human any morre. By the way could her name now be "Fergy Namuh?"

[Woody]

hahaha I like that name. I'd better reconsider about the name.
thanks for stopping by, Marie. oh and don't beat yourself up about Gorf. I don't think it was obvious at the beginning.

[Marie]

It was obvious, and I should have seen it right away.