therapy

therapy and a tribute (of sorts)

BOY! It is so good to be back here!

I missed all my friends here. The wonderful writers and poets. No, I won’t name any. Some might take it amiss if I mention them second, third or even last. Worse still, I may forget a few. I missed reading your excellent writes and, I admit, I even missed those sadists who enjoy using effing headache-inducing words (I’m sure you know whom I mean).

What I’ve come to realize is that WC has a way of growing on you. It creeps up on you and, before you know it, you’re hooked. Or is it just me?

My absence was never by choice. Work had kept me away from the site. That is one of two reasons. And the effect was alarming to say the least.

The first signs that something was not right started showing after a couple of days away from WC. I ran a slight fever and started fidgeting, which I put down to work and stress. Then I lost weight and started mumbling to myself. I stopped shaving. Not just my beard but I won’t get personal here. Nights turned to nightmare. I tossed and turned. I thrashed in bed so badly that I gave my wife a black eye. My wife got worried and urged me to quit my job and go back to the site but of course that was not a sensible thing to do. I held on but something new happened. I started speaking in my sleep. If you’re married to a jealous woman, you’ll know the danger of the situation.

I was having breakfast with my wife on our veranda when she asked in a mock off-handed manner:

“Who’s Dah?”

“Who?”

“You heard me. You were speaking in your sleep again last night.”

“Come on honey! I know no one by that name. Are you sure it was Dah?”

“I heard you clearly shout “FREE DAH! FREE DAH!” Such anguish in your voice! Sounded like someone being held captive.”

“I can assure you I know no one called Fr… I mean Dah. Trust me.”

“You also said Bacchus and April several times. Are you planning on getting pissed next April?”

Needless to say, I completely lost my appetite.

Last week, the work that had threatened to kill me was finished and I rushed to my laptop, intending to write a new masterpiece but I hit a wall. My mind was a blank slate. I stared at the white screen in horror. What if I could not write again? About an hour later I had to admit that something was wrong with me. My wife looked at me with her one good eye and said:

“Honey, you’ve got to go see Dr. Reah.”

“You’re right,” I said, “I’ll take an appointment for the afternoon.”

                   *******************

 

The examination took 50 long minutes. Doctor Gorner Reah went and sat behind his desk and looked me in the eye. His face was inscrutable. He must be one hell of poker player. He seemed to be enjoying looking at me squirm. Finally he let me have it:

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that you’re suffering from a severe case of GWB.”

I thought I didn’t hear him right.

“George Dubya Bush?”

“Gross Writer’s Block,” he explained.

The news couldn’t have been more devastating. I was hoping he’d say cancer or Ebola or some similar benign affliction. I was finished as an eminent writer. What would my fans think of me? Would they mourn me? Would they organize candle-light processions in the streets? I admit I thought of taking the easy way out but I’d rather die than take my own life. Dr. Reah's voice shook me out of my reverie:

“Look, Woody, I can’t give you anything for this. My advice is to try and write about it. After all, it worked for Shakespeare, so I don’t see why it won’t work for you.”

I don’t know where he got that s**t about Shakespeare having writer’s block but I was willing to try it. And that’s what I’m doing.    

Author's Note

I'm writing about my predicament because nothing else has worked. I've tried everything, paracetamol, cough syrup, viagra, you name it. let's see if this works.

[there are references to three wonderful poetesses who've unfortunately dropped off the radar: Frieda, April and Vidya Baccus]

[it's an old one I wrote a while back. at that time, I was plagued with the worst case of writer's block you can imagine]

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahahaha oh lord but I have missed you Sir Woody.Only you could have written this wonderful write.Aww thank you for remembering a Bacchus lol.I know Freida and April will love this also.You tried viagra too ? Hmm that one is a whole other story I guess.Have a great day Woody and thank you for this big smile on my face :)

[Woody]

thank you Dear. there's no better reward than to hear the laughter of the reader.
I'm sorry you've had some hard times lately. the life of a mother and wife is not an easy one. thank god I'm neither. being a man is really great. you should try it :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol...haven't had a hard time Woody .Am very happy just tired and busy.Oh no I think I'll pass on trying to be a man it seems to be very hard lol Pun intended.You are welcome dearest friend :)

[Marie]

Oh my goodness, I don't know what you wa't done. I don't believe you will every really have writers' block. I don't think Sakespeare had it either.
I've really missed your work, and I'm sure everybody else has. But it's time to cancel the candlelight vigil we were going to hold. You're back.

[Woody]

aww Marie so sweet of you! I'm gad you like this and yes I'm back. I suppose the effects described were a tad exagerated but, believe me, I was sad to be away. WC is addictive, simple as that.

[Mark]

i cant tell you how much you had me laughing my a*s off (I wont abbreviate...;) seriously that was hilarious!!! thank you :) OMG i love this story!

[Woody]

thank you so much Mark. you've just made my day :)
I was not sure about this piece as it was more or less what really happened. my wife doesn't call me Dick. when she's pissed off, she calls me P***k.
well I hope this helps me get back on track.

[Mark]

back on track? really... i had tears to clear before the completion.. i just finished reading another of yours, i don't think you will have a problem;)

[AprilRN1210]

I am sooo giggling over here right now!... you have spun quite a tale here Woody... gotta watch that talkin in your sleep.. get ya in trouble every time.. I know from experience.. I talk in my sleep often.. have since I was a kid.. lol

love the shout out... tickled, and honored.. very sweet... you always have a way of making me laugh so loud, like I am the crazy one while staring at my computer screen.. thank goodness, no one is watching.. nice therapy.. seems like it works to me... definitely not suffering any sort of blockage that I can see.. well done my friend.. loved it.. :)

[Woody]

aww April, you're too kind. I'm laughing here myself :) I'm glad you liked it. tell you the truth, I made a joke of it but I really agonized over not writing and reviewing. yeah I hope it's working.
oh and I hear Frieda has left the site???

[AprilRN1210]

I haven't spoken to her in a few days, so not absolutely certain, but have heard things from mutual friends.. and, I kinda know the feeling.. if I miss a few days, I start getting itchy to read, write, and review... ((hugs)) to you.. glad to see you back.. missed ya!

[Woody]

hugs back. missed ya too. (damn, I'm all teary now)

[AprilRN1210]

awwww... read over this piece again and dare you not to laugh.. :P

[AprilRN1210]

just came back for another giggle.. still love this one:)

[Woody]

thanks a million April. I needed my daily shot, Nurse :)

[AprilRN1210]

your wit is one in a million and never ceases to make me giggle.. look forward to my daily dose:)

[Sectando]

My God, this sounds horrible. I hope whatever it is that afflicts you will ease itself. Good luck, Woody!

[Woody]

hey thanks Sectando. here's a tip: never take seriously whatever I write. actually I meant it as a joke. I'm having trouble getting back to writing. my affliction is only writer's block. plus, there's mention of three poetesses I respect a lot. so it's kind of a tribute.
anyway, thanks a lot for taking the time thoough this is one of the worst of the things I've written. if you're curious take a look at another one :)

[Sectando]

hah okay, that's good to know that it isn't serious!

[Sectando]

if you have anything in mind, send me a read request.

[Woody]

ok will do :)