therapy

therapy and a tribute (of sorts)

BOY! It is so good to be back here!

I missed all my friends here. The wonderful writers and poets. No, I won’t name any. Some might take it amiss if I mention them second, third or even last. Worse still, I may forget a few. I missed reading your excellent writes and, I admit, I even missed those sadists who enjoy using effing headache-inducing words (I’m sure you know whom I mean).

What I’ve come to realize is that WC has a way of growing on you. It creeps up on you and, before you know it, you’re hooked. Or is it just me?

My absence was never by choice. Work had kept me away from the site. That is one of two reasons. And the effect was alarming to say the least.

The first signs that something was not right started showing after a couple of days away from WC. I ran a slight fever and started fidgeting, which I put down to work and stress. Then I lost weight and started mumbling to myself. I stopped shaving. Not just my beard but I won’t get personal here. Nights turned to nightmare. I tossed and turned. I thrashed in bed so badly that I gave my wife a black eye. My wife got worried and urged me to quit my job and go back to the site but of course that was not a sensible thing to do. I held on but something new happened. I started speaking in my sleep. If you’re married to a jealous woman, you’ll know the danger of the situation.

I was having breakfast with my wife on our veranda when she asked in a mock off-handed manner:

“Who’s Dah?”

“Who?”

“You heard me. You were speaking in your sleep again last night.”

“Come on honey! I know no one by that name. Are you sure it was Dah?”

“I heard you clearly shout “FREE DAH! FREE DAH!” Such anguish in your voice! Sounded like someone being held captive.”

“I can assure you I know no one called Fr… I mean Dah. Trust me.”

“You also said Bacchus and April several times. Are you planning on getting pissed next April?”

Needless to say, I completely lost my appetite.

Last week, the work that had threatened to kill me was finished and I rushed to my laptop, intending to write a new masterpiece but I hit a wall. My mind was a blank slate. I stared at the white screen in horror. What if I could not write again? About an hour later I had to admit that something was wrong with me. My wife looked at me with her one good eye and said:

“Honey, you’ve got to go see Dr. Reah.”

“You’re right,” I said, “I’ll take an appointment for the afternoon.”

                   *******************

 

The examination took 50 long minutes. Doctor Gorner Reah went and sat behind his desk and looked me in the eye. His face was inscrutable. He must be one hell of poker player. He seemed to be enjoying looking at me squirm. Finally he let me have it:

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that you’re suffering from a severe case of GWB.”

I thought I didn’t hear him right.

“George Dubya Bush?”

“Gross Writer’s Block,” he explained.

The news couldn’t have been more devastating. I was hoping he’d say cancer or Ebola or some similar benign affliction. I was finished as an eminent writer. What would my fans think of me? Would they mourn me? Would they organize candle-light processions in the streets? I admit I thought of taking the easy way out but I’d rather die than take my own life. Dr. Reah's voice shook me out of my reverie:

“Look, Woody, I can’t give you anything for this. My advice is to try and write about it. After all, it worked for Shakespeare, so I don’t see why it won’t work for you.”

I don’t know where he got that s**t about Shakespeare having writer’s block but I was willing to try it. And that’s what I’m doing.    

Author's Note

I'm writing about my predicament because nothing else has worked. I've tried everything, paracetamol, cough syrup, viagra, you name it. let's see if this works.

[there are references to three wonderful poetesses who've unfortunately dropped off the radar: Frieda, April and Vidya Baccus]

[it's an old one I wrote a while back. at that time, I was plagued with the worst case of writer's block you can imagine]

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahahaha oh lord but I have missed you Sir Woody.Only you could have written this wonderful write.Aww thank you for remembering a Bacchus lol.I know Freida and April will love this also.You tried viagra too ? Hmm that one is a whole other story I guess.Have a great day Woody and thank you for this big smile on my face :)

[Woody]

thank you Dear. there's no better reward than to hear the laughter of the reader.
I'm sorry you've had some hard times lately. the life of a mother and wife is not an easy one. thank god I'm neither. being a man is really great. you should try it :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol...haven't had a hard time Woody .Am very happy just tired and busy.Oh no I think I'll pass on trying to be a man it seems to be very hard lol Pun intended.You are welcome dearest friend :)

[Mr_M]

Don't let this whole richard thing become a pre-dick-ament matey. Very funny take on writers block. I mean this is the best place to be inspired and encouraged to thrive. I was told to try this technique, you probably have heard of it. Free writing. Literally no thoughts and hold a pen in your hand and write the first thing that comes to your head. If there is nothing you just write blah blah blah. It doesn't solve writers block but it has helped me in the past to get ideas flowing. Plus it is interesting to see what may be on your mind.

[Woody]

ta very much chum. so pleased you found this one funny. haha being called that is definitely a pre-dick-ment (good one!)
I never tried that technique to fight writer's block although I sometimes do that when trying to write a story and end up writing nonsense and doodling on the page and drawind dicks, among other things. just joking. I don't have a fixation on that gross appendage.
thanks again for stopping by Mr_M :)

[Mr_M]

You don't draw roosters next to these strange enterites? If so you can name your art pieces: c**k-a-doodle-dos...

[Woody]

hahahaha
hey got one for you. it's very old. maybe you know it.
a scientist crosssed a rooster with a dog and got a poodle that c***s its own doodle :)

[Mr_M]

Haha no I have never. Brilliant.

[Frieda P]

Still laughing all over again, bless your wife! Ha....yes, I did read this, and it made my day at the time! You're too funny for your shirt Woody. :)

[Woody]

haha easy, now. I'm gonna have a big head that won't fit that shirt. thanks loads Frieda :))

[Frieda P]

Pleasure was all mine dear, didn't know you cared. ;)

[Will Neill]

Woody...How come I didn't get a mention?. Writers block can strike and if it takes hold it can bring you down. I have been there and it sucks. You are right the only way to cure it is to write....even though it may be crap.
As always iinspiring.
Will

[Woody]

it does sort of kickstart the bloody thing. I've seen others do it here a few times.
thank you very much Will.

[MomzillaNC]

LOL line: "I hate it when she calls me Dick. My name’s not even Richard." What a great way to break your writer's block. And, I miss Frieda too!

[Woody]

sorry I didn't know you at the time or I surely would've added you in my dreams :)
thanks loads Momzilla. glad you liked.

[MomzillaNC]

Oh! Don't compare me to Frieda! :D

[Woody]

Loved it... been there... my suggestion? You might try bungee jumping.. as you fall your unwritten stories might flash before your face or something similar... I have only once experienced the inability to write.. and it was too much life... it got in the way until... my characters were doing the sleeping I was unable to do.. because of two jobs and college...then one day a bright noisy red headed demanded attention, stated she had waited years and it was her time to be paper.. and alas... it happened.. course I killed her off but... lol... have a great day and I certainly enjoyed the humor in this piece...

[Woody]

hahaha bungee jumping! I might just try that. I suppose it's like dying. they say right before death your life flashes before your eyes. worth a try. jumping, not dying, that is.
so you killed the red-headed girl? that's cruel. I've never killed a character. they're too precious to me.
thanks a lot for dropping by. glad you enjoyed. you have a great one, too.

I hadn't intended on killing her but she was one of those characters that are head strong.. regardless of how I want to write her.. she had her own ideas... but she does a daughter, much calmer that lives on...

[Woody]

I understand. sometimes drastic measures are needed to deal with a particularly difficult subject. I guess I'm a softy. glad to know that her daughter's still alive. for how much longer, though? only time will tell :)

enjoyed visiting briefly... have a great blessed day...

[Christine]

I also love WC, and your story. So fresh and funny.

[Woody]

thanks a lot Murphy. glad you like it.

[Baby Ricochet]

Now that's a serious WC groupie

[Woody]

hey thank you so much for stopping by BR. that it is, and I enjoy being here among the best.

[Beccy]

You have no need of drugs Woody my dear friend, humour is the best medicine and you have an inexhaustible supply of it.

Beccy.

[Woody]

you're so sweet, Beccy. thanks for the vote of confidence.

[Samuel Dickens]

Oh, Woody, you've got it bad, but you're not alone. I know one person who has quit and re-joined WC more than 30 times. Yeah, it's worse than smoking. Look at me--I've been a member here for 8 or 9 years. As always, your writing is fun to read.

[Woody]

yes Sir, it was hell. well slightly exagerated, I admit. the problem was the come back after a break. but thank God, it worked!!! miracles do happen after all.
your visits are always such a pleasure!!!

[Jacky Tustain]

So did it work? ;-) I like the way you use a humourous approach to get yourself writing again. I may give that a go instead of the soul searching journalling I try. You can never have enough laughter. Some nice jokes worked into this.

[Woody]

awfully kind of you to stop by, Jacky. and yes. it definitely worked. bloody magic!! try it!
Dr. Barkley's a genius. and he must've been right about Shakespeare. the poor devil must've had a relaps. he hasn't written anything new for ages.

[Jacky Tustain]

:-D Very good.