forlorn rose

hope would blossom at the most unexpected moments

In an empty lot there grows

One forlorn, forsaken rose,

Never watered, never fed,

Never knew a garden bed.

In this spot some mistral chose

To drop one courageous rose. 

 

The lot is empty

It is barren

Save for a lone rose

Forlorn

Forsaken

 

A mistral blew

A seed dropped

A courageous rose

Sprang free

Untouched by human hands

Author's Note

A new collaboration!
This time, Marie started with the rhymed one
I did the free verse.
what do you think?

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

The imagery is stark… it puts me in mind of the little, mostly sunless corner of the quad in my old dormitory complex at school. There was no grass, just one small, tangled, wild rose bush. I always found it so achingly sad and beautiful… and so very hopeful.

[Woody]

true, beauty can be found in unusual places sometimes. as you said, sad and beautiful.
thanks MomzillaNC for taking the trouble.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Tom]

' Hope springs eternal' !

A fine, poetic aspiration, brimming with pleasant enigma!

[Woody]

thanks a lot Tom. what would we have left without that glimmer of hope in this troubled world of ours, eh?

[Tom]

Indeed so true Woody ...where there's hope, there's a chance !

[Beccy]

It's probably just the way I sound things out. I often read poetry aloud to myself, it gives me a better feel and understanding for what the poet is trying to convey, and I simply stumbled a little short on the last line. No offence intended.

Beccy.

[Woody]

none taken, on Marie's part, I'm sure. this is one of the beauties of this site. that's the point of reviewing, right? praise alone will not make us better. besides, I've heard it often here, each poet feels a line or rhythm differently.
thanks again, Beccy :)

[just Penny]

I love the notion that even in the most barren of places something lovely can appear. I enjoyed the rhyme as an intro and the free verse ended it well, so congrats to both of you. Penny

[Woody]

thanks, Dear Penny. nicee to start the day with praise :)

[Beccy]

Like em both, especially the transformation, (in my mind,) of the barren lot to a place of beauty because of one single rose. Would like to have seen just a slight change in the last verse of the rhyming version. The syllable count is spot on, but rhythmically the line reads a little short, 'to drop just one courageous rose,' trips of my tongue rather more easily.

Beccy.

[Woody]

thank you very much Beccy. you're too kind.
ok that's a remark for Marie. let's see what she thinks about it. it's her poem.

[Marie]

No, I don't think I can fit another syllable into the last line. I see how it can be done, but to me it sounds awkward. That's what makes free verse so free.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is so beautiful...but sad, because without any attention at all...the rose will eventually die from thirst for human touch.

[Woody]

eventually, yes. but I believe that capturing that moment of struggle, stubbornness, against all odds is the beautiful part. thank you jacob. your opinion is always appreciated.

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

I really liked this piece of yours, Woody! You and Marie did a really good job! :)

[Woody]

thank you dear. so sweet of you.

[Matching Socks]

Two thumbs up from me. I like both.
:-)

[Woody]

why, thank you, Dear. you're too kind.
Ana (this is better :) the "c" in Ance bothered me a lot. didn't know how to pronounce it)

[Matching Socks]

Lol. Ahn-chay

[Woody]

ahn-chay? I knew it. that's sweet. where from? Sweden?

[Matching Socks]

Macedonia.

[Woody]

ok. I'm getting information piecemeal. in a month's time, I'll know all I want to know about you.

[Matching Socks]

Haha!! :-)