forlorn rose

hope would blossom at the most unexpected moments

In an empty lot there grows

One forlorn, forsaken rose,

Never watered, never fed,

Never knew a garden bed.

In this spot some mistral chose

To drop one courageous rose. 

 

The lot is empty

It is barren

Save for a lone rose

Forlorn

Forsaken

 

A mistral blew

A seed dropped

A courageous rose

Sprang free

Untouched by human hands

Author's Note

A new collaboration!
This time, Marie started with the rhymed one
I did the free verse.
what do you think?

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

The imagery is stark… it puts me in mind of the little, mostly sunless corner of the quad in my old dormitory complex at school. There was no grass, just one small, tangled, wild rose bush. I always found it so achingly sad and beautiful… and so very hopeful.

[Woody]

true, beauty can be found in unusual places sometimes. as you said, sad and beautiful.
thanks MomzillaNC for taking the trouble.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Michael G.]

This put me in mind of "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn."

Good work . . . the both of you.

[Woody]

haha I see you went in search for meaningful writes, Michael. oh God, you won't find many on the shelves of this particular store. something definitely needs to be done about that.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I plead ignorant. I'll have to look this one up. thanks.
thanks a lot for taking the trouble of searching. I appreciate your visit.

[B.J]

The imagery is dark yet tells a story so cleverly.

[Woody]

thanks a lot for dropping in, B.J. glad you liked.

[B.J]

your welcome

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Great job between you both! Each of you put forth great imagery so that i could see that rose in my mind as I read!

[Woody]

thank you very much for your kind words imagination. sorry about the late reply.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

My pleasure!

[KAREN]

I think it is beautiful. Awesome imagery!

[Woody]

ta very much. to tell the truth, was only trying my hand at free verse. I felt like a fish out of the water.

[KAREN]

I really enjoyed it!

[M.E.Lyle]

I think it's way tooooo serious man. And besides, a rose is a rose, no matter where it smells....uh, I mean drops.
Actually, it's quite good.

[Woody]

hey Mike. thanks my friend. that's the dark side of the moon. too serious even for me.

[M.E.Lyle]

Yes, I thought so.

[Christopher Robin]

Now this is being extremely nit-picky, but could a rose actually grow under these conditions? Or is that the magical suspension of belief that is in fact - this poem? If so then ignore the former statement. Nothing wrong with the initial rhyme, it flows quite nicely actually. Now usually I would take off points for repetition (mistral)(forlorn)(forsaken) but I believe what is happening here is that you're both writing the same poem? She is writing a rhyming version and yours is free verse, one after the other? If that is the case then ignore the repetition, but the free verse is very staggered and lacks weight and substance. F then F before the end of the stanza gives no resolution to either the alliteration or the adjective. The next stanza uses 'A' at the start of 3 lines without any weight (save perhaps 'courageous'). Noun verb, noun verb, it reads more like fact listing than the romanticizing of an idea (which is the general goal in prose no?). Last two lines are fine but like i stated they don't provide enough weight to pull the rest of it toward something that feels complete. I would suggest more collaborations in the future, this was an entertaining read.

-Robin

[Woody]

thank you so much for a thorough review, Christopher. yes, marie wrote the rhymed one and asked me to try and turn it into free verse. tell you the truth, I was not surprised by your nit-picking. I'm not a poet. simple as that. I do it for kicks. but this is an eye-opener. thanks again.

[Christopher Robin]

Hey if you're having fun, and the people reading are enjoying it, what need have you to be called a poet or not? I say carry on and bring on the next one!

[Woody]

ok. I'm not a quitter. so watch out for the new kid on the block!

[Frieda P]

Oh a more somber side of Woody I see. They both end up in the same place, but the sentiment of the free verse makes more of an impact in my eye. Both did a great job.

[Woody]

hehehe not just a pretty face, am I? thank you Frieda. now and then the "gloomy" Woody tries to surface but I throttle the life out of him. there's enough gloom in this site don't you think?

[Frieda P]

I don't mind the doom and gloom, 'tis part of life too, usually more depth to those emotions, think that's why people purge those feelings, there's room enough for it all. Still a perdy face though :)

[Samuel Dickens]

Hey, this is great! I don't think I've seen anything "serious" from you until now, but it's quite good.

[Woody]

very kind of you to say so, Sam. but that's not me. indefatigable Marie has been pushing, trying to make an honest poet out of me. I feel like a fish out of water.

[Samuel Dickens]

Well, you're doing a great job of faking it.

[Vidya Bacchus]

I have to say Woody they were both good but I liked Marie's better "sorry".

[Woody]

thanks heaps Vid. no need to apologize, I assure you. who am I to compete with Marie? and you know very well that I said time and time again that I was not a poet. flash fiction is my forte if I may say so myself. and making you laugh, of course :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes and you excel at making me laugh kind sir :P