I want to be like Dad

be careful what you do around kids!

The two sisters were seated in the living room, talking about what women usually talk about. Interesting things like the new mall that’s just opened down the street and Bella’s horrid new dress and the colour of Shakira’s hair. Interesting stuff.

Cecilia was having a beer. She’s always been partial to beer.

“What’s that scar over the bridge of your nose?” asked Meredith.

“From glasses”, said Cecilia.

“Oh!” exclaims Meredith, “why don’t you use contact lenses?”

“They don’t hold enough beer”, said Cecilia, taking a hefty gulp of her drink.

Meredith chuckled. “Silly girl”, she said and looked adoringly at her 9-year-old nephew, Mike. He was sprawled on his stomach, on the Persian rug, legs bent upward at the knees seesawing the air. The tip of his tongue was sticking out at the corner of his mouth and his silky blond hair was hanging over his eyes. He was intent on colouring a picture, his crayons scattered on the floor.

“So, tell me, Picasso, what do you want to be when you grow up?” asked Aunt Meredith, after depositing her cup of chamomile tea on the small coaster and daintily dabbing at the corners of her mouth with a laced handkerchief.

“Suicide bomber”, he answered without looking up, “like Dad.”

Meredith looked at her sister with round eyes.

“Have I just heard what I think I heard?” she asked in a hushed voice.

Cecilia sighed and said “He adores his father. He’s his role model”

“Some role model!” exclaimed Meredith, looking back at Little Mike.

“Oh, how I miss the old Stan, EM! Remember what a fun loving guy he used to be? A dashing young man.”

“Yes. Look at him now. Wild eyes and a scraggly beard. What on earth happened, Celia?”

“Well, it’s no mystery really. He mixed with the wrong crowd who convinced him that if he died a martyr, he’d have seventy virgins all to himself in the afterlife.”

Meredith was gaping. “I must be dreaming, Sis. Surely, I’m not hearing this. And where is he now?

“In hospital. He’s recovering in ward 21A.. and 22, 23B and 36. And some of him is still coming in.”

Author's Note

I am just as appalled as any of you. these people are a danger to modern society. I just choose to laugh abou it.
I'm not particularly crazy about this one but after what happened in Brussels, today, I feel it's appropriate to ressucitate it.
Guys, the world's gone mad!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Even tho your subject matter is deadly serious, of course, I love your flippant treatment here. Nose bridge scar from glasses might be the funniest thing you've penned, that I've read so far! That was a nice serving of corn, thank you very much! *smile* Also, your description of the kid on the floor drawing, so nicely detailed, so realistic, I could just see a kid doing that. I don't know if I can comment on your ending, becuz I just can't get my head around suicide bombers. Thanks for reminding us life goes on.

[Woody]

Thanks a bunch B. you're a peach. yeah dead serious but, you know, the tiger can't change its rays an' all that. or is it leopard?
I don't know if it is typical to Tunisians (probably not) we make a lot of jokes about those dickheads (oops!) and there are funny skits on facebook.
such a pleasure to see you put up with my quirkiness.

[barleygirl]

Now you're going to be self-conscious, every time you refer to the Male Gearshift Lever . . . *heh! heh! heh!*

[Woody]

this is going to affect my writing, big time. I know who to blame if the number of my fans starts to go down. gearshift? I'm going on Google this minute. I need some education. incidentally, gearshift reminded me of when my wife... but no. too personal. and people are reading this.

[Glen Weimann]

Woody Hi. When I was at college I was part of the drama group that put on Joan Littlewood's "Oh what a lovely war". The parody of atrocities to highlight their appalling seriousness has been around a long time. I like the way this started on a fairly superficial level, with chit chat and the glasses joke, and then suddenly wham! The line about the wards is almost too much - I wouldn't put them anywhere to recover!

There's nothing sensible I can say about radicalisation. It is very scary.

Well written!

[Woody]

ta very much, Nigel. I'm glad you don't disapprove of my joking about such a serious subject.
beneath this mock carefree attitude, I'm litterally seething. just look around you and tell me if there's still hope in humanity. you probably know the one who, in answer answer to: how're things? he responds: just like a duck. calm and serene on the surface but underneath, paddling like f**k.
thankss again for the visit.

[Glen Weimann]

Absolutely I do not object. Especially, and I think this is important, because you are from an area that has suffered from recent terrorism with the Sousse shootings. You may have noted that I uploaded a story called 'Basha', and I'm really not that comfortable about it as I've written it from 'the outside'. I've left it on for now, but you have credibility and can speak authentically, which is why you can write this story. I don't think a 'westerner' could do it so acceptably.

[Woody]

I take it you've heard of the latest development. the recent events after Sousse?
I'm off to check on Basha, if I haven't read it already, that is.

[Glen Weimann]

I confess I have only vague recollections of the Tunis bus suicide bomber last November, but you would not be surprised to hear that this attracted far less publicity and hand-wringing than Sousse, simply because it didn't involve British tourists. I read a quote that westerners refer to such actions as terrorism when it affects 'us' but as rebel freedom fighters if it 'only' affects locals of the country involved. Then we recently had Obama criticising Cameron & the French for rushing things in Libya and not adequately considering the aftermath. I'd say 95% of folk in the west have no clear idea about any of this, and our opinions are based on spin from politicians and mainstream media. I confess, for example, to having no idea why Shia and Sunni are so divided, much as I never really got the Catholic/Protestant issues in Northern ireland - yes there was some discrimination and favouritism but it went far far deeper. We breathe the same air but I don't understand that world.

[alifeacoustic]

As you say in your authors note Woody, if we live in fear, we would never leave the house. Is it a coincidence that it happened on the eve of the international soccer fixtures when fans would be at the airports making them easy targets, just like Paris in November? Who knows, but we can't live behind closed doors and have to send them a message that we will not give in to them. My message to them would be censored, but is similar in sound to funk you all who use religion as a reason to kill.
Have they ever stopped to think that even if they were right, that He/She/It is more than able to kill all the "infidels" Him/Her/Itself, and that their idea of infidel is most peoples idea of innocents.

[Woody]

you're absolutely right. giving in to this scum and barricading oneself at home is not an option. they may continue to wreck havoc around the world but I don't have the shadow of a doubt that ultimately they will be eradicated. if they think that they will manage to restore Islam to its former "glory", they are sooo f****** mistaken. they have managed (brilliantly) to antagonize people. plenty of people are currently turning their backs to this religion.
thank you for stopping to read, alife.

[James]

I don't see anything wrong with a little humor when bringing attention to such a serious subject. '“In hospital. He’s recovering in ward 21A.. and 22, 23B and 36. And some of him is still coming in.” This is great. I really love how the family talks about it all nonchalantly.

[Woody]

thank you very much James. I was a tiny bit uneasy about posting this one and then thought if the Monty Python made a movie about Jesus and the crucifixion that millions thought it bfunny, I stood a chance of being forgiven to joke about a toughy subject.

[MomzillaNC]

We must keep laughing wherever we can. We cannot allow them to force us into their mould of violence, tyranny, and death. Let us, rather, take up a hundred pens for every one broken and tossed aside. Let us, for the silenced dead, be their voices of reason.

NOTES: You certainly are attached to that Courier font face…

[Woody]

thanks for reading this, Momzilla.
that damn font!!! as I told you this is an old one and I forgot to edit it, sorry. I'll do it now.
you're absolutely right, they can't silence us. I'm dealing with it the only way I know.

[MomzillaNC]

Same here.

[Samuel Dickens]

Oh, my. This is just insane enough to eek out a wee bit of humor. Seventy virgins--yeah, right. Very clever and well-told, Woody.

[Woody]

thank you so much Samuel. your visits are a treat and an honour.

[Stan]

Funny, but shouldn't that line have said, "In the morgue." Good description, easy to visualize.

[Woody]

oh no. he's "recovering" in ward....
thanks Stan :)

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

The tip of his tong was sticking out---tongue

and this was hilarious lol very different but funny XP

[Woody]

glad you found it funny, T. thanks for stopping by.
as all are in the humour genre, I try at least to make them different.
oh and the tongue. that's probably because it's only the tip.

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

lol thats funny lol