irrefutable proof

a wife is filing for a divorce. she's got solid proof that her husband's two-timing her.

Serendipity was almost sure her husband, Ian, was cheating on her. The clues kept piling up and have become impossible to ignore. A woman simply knew those things. 

It is a common knowledge that God created Man with five senses but chose to endow women with a sixth sense to make up for her “weakness”. Hah! Weakness. That’s a laugh, isn’t it? I should know. I’ve been shackled to one for over a quarter of a century. If women were given half a chance to run the world, and I mean really run the world, it would be a much better place to live in. I’m sure the ladies will not contradict me on that. I mean, look at the “home”. Clean, smelling nice, everything in its proper place. But I digress.

Serendipity cast a surreptitious glance at her husband. Just look at him, pretending to watch David Letterman show but was in actual fact in a world of his own. How could he not laugh a single time if he’d been really watching? Another proof, if ever she needed one, that he was thinking of her. God, she’d gladly give ten years of her life to know what the s**t looked like. Actually it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to shed ten years off her life. Maybe Ian found her old. She sighed and returned to her “Elle” magazine. 

Hardly a minute into the article she was reading, Serendipity’s eyes misted and her mind wandered again. She started mentally ticking off all the evidence she had so far. First there was the lipstick on the shirt. Then the feminine perfume. The blond hair on the jacket. Every time she confronted him with a new piece of evidence he would deny it and come up with some c**k-eyed explanation. 

Serendipity’s decision was made. She was filing for divorce. She was not bringing up those little petty clues in court. Oh, no. she had two solid arguments even the stupidest judge would not reject. One was that she was sure one of her children was not his. And the clincher was that on many occasions when a storm was raging in the night and they were in bed, every time lightning flashed behind the window pane of their bedroom, Ian would jump up in bed not quite awake and, wild-eyed, would shout out:

“I’LL BUY THE NEGATIVES!”

If that’s not good proof, I don’t know what is.

Reviews

[just Penny]

"If women were given half a chance to run the world, and I mean really run the world, it would be a much better place to live in" - lol ! That's quite a statement and my response is that it depends on the woman ! for example, anyone like me, who lives life in the most uncomplicated way attainable, with few ties or responsibilities, doing what I want when I want, while lacking any form of materialistic pretense, might plunge the planet into chaos because so many don't know how to play nice ! You have a well developed writing style that makes for a good read, which to me is what writing is all about. I laughed at the character's names but the scenario is familiar and credible. Interesting twist at the end - see what infidelity does ? :) Penny

[Woody]

thanks for stopping by Penny. I was half joking about women running the world. see, Man was given a chance and he messed it all up. do you like the state of the world? I say let women take matters in their own hands. except you, of course, no offence :)

[just Penny]

LOL...and none taken :)

[Nusquam Esse]

I admittedly got a bit of a chuckle from this one. I mean, if nothing else... what a bloody absurd name? Serendipity? It is almost as bad as this guy I knew named "Worthy". There are however, two notable issues with this story. First, the tense is inconsistent; you fluctuate from present and past, and it makes the story difficult to attach to. Pick one, and then go through the story and get your verb tenses consistent. Next, some of the sentences read awkwardly, tweak the syntax, and comb the story for unneeded and repeated words to help it flow better. Also, writing convention states that two spaces are put between sentences; I recommend doing this, since as is, this story is blurring and more difficult to physically read than it needs to be. Sorry if I sound nit-pickey, I have done almost nothing but copy-editing for my own work the last week; so my mind is obsessed about the small details.

[Woody]

boy, I'm all covered in bruises! you're a tough reviewer, Nusquam. but I'll never thank you enough for being honest and for not sugar-coating the pill. I need people like you to shake me out of my reverie. I should be more careful and proofread before posting.
Serendipity? I wanted something unusual. after all there's Faith, Destiny and the like. put it down to the stupidity of her parents.
inconsistent tense. you're right. if I don't re-read, I do that often and that's stupid.
thanks again N. you're a great reviewer. I'll certainly go through it and try to make it better.

[Nusquam Esse]

I don't have enough time to try and make people feel warm and fuzzy when I am trying to help them improve. As for the tense shifting, I do it all the time as well; especially when I don't write a piece in a single sitting; it is only when copy-editing that I start noticing it. And of course the name made me smile. :D

[Woody]

thanks again Nusquam. I appreciate you taking the time.

[Will Neill]

Woody, Another great ''Story/joke'' but I must admit I have heard that one before. A good read none the less. my only critisism is the font (again) it was to bold for me.
Good job.
Will

[Woody]

thanks a lot Will. sa I think I told Marie once, some of the stories are mine from start to finish. others are old jokes I've heard eons ago and I would remember only the punchline. I'd sit in front of my computer and weave a little story, slip in a few puns and generally fool around. I can assure you that it no longer looks like the original one. that way I make it my own. plagiarism?? hardly. I rest my case.
I wish you'd take a peek at "the little girl and the wolf", a different kind of plagiarism.
oh, and the blasted font!!! I chose a smaller one (12) but it shouldn't have been bold. sorry.

[Will Neill]

jokes are subject to plagiarism, other wise all the comedians would be in jail (maybe they should) I will have a look at ''the little girl and the wolf''.
Will ---Ps have a read at ''Savings Ryans Privates'' if havent already. This was my stab at comedy.

[Woody]

oh yes I had. and had a good laugh, believe me.

[Marie]

Very funny. I love the ending. But if Serendipity believe one of her children is not Ian's, then she hasn't been faithful to him either.

I caught the refernece to "proof" in the last sentence.

[Woody]

thank you dear. and yes very perceptive of you. you know the kettle calling the pot black (or is it the other way round?) the worry head that I am wondered if that was obvious.

[Marie]

Pots and kettles are both black, so it doesn't mtter. Yes, it was quite obvious. Why are you "Woody" now? Did you take the name from "Toy Story"?

[Woody]

no, no. that's my "real" nickname. family and friends have been calling me Woody since I don't know when. I used to look like Woody Allen, one of my favourite comedians. just got tired of the not-so-well-thought-of Engluva (English lover=lover of English).

[Marie]

I like the name Engluva, but I like Woody Allen too. You do kind of resemble him.

[Woody]

apparently, I looked a lot like him before I grew the beautiful moustache you see in the pic. my wife says it makes me irresistable.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol....I have to confess that women tend to be a little paranoid.......okay a lot paranoid .Another great one Woody :)

[Woody]

much obliged M'lady. yes I know. I'm married to a paranoid. I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol.......you are welcome Woody :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

A neat little story with big substance. I would love to know what the real truth as.

[Woody]

thank you Aunty. the truth? I'm afraid that being a man, I'll have to side with poor Ian. she's paranoid. I know. I created her :)