accident

it could've been worse. a lot worse.

Linda and I left our old Volkswagen Beetle wheezing in the parking lot and, clutching each other’s hand, hurried to the taxi station under a battering rain. God, I hate heavy rain. My old joints always give me hell during the rainy season. We stood under the awning, hoping to stop a taxi before either of us caught pneumonia. If there’s one thing I hate more than raining cats and dogs, it’s hailing taxis. Luck smiled on us when a taxi turned the corner and we gratefully took it. 

We were going to the meet point to take part in an excursion to various parts of the country. Looked like the organizers picked a fine day for that. We soon arrived at the mall where the bus was waiting for us. We were the last on board. All the other old timers greeted us jovially and some teased us, calling us snails and tortoises and sloths. They were neighbours and retirees who’d worked with me or with Linda and some were casual acquaintances. We sank onto our seats behind old Bart and his wife Josephine. Her wheelchair was collapsed and standing in the aisle by her side. Greetings were exchanged. 

As the door hissed shut, Big Al, the driver, shouted “Hold on to your nuts, Guys!” Everybody laughed and Angela Bingham yelled “What about us, girls?” That got a few laughs, too, but I won’t repeat Pete’s reply. Too graphic. But you can imagine it for yourselves. You’re grown-ups after all. Anyway, Al honked the “shave and a haircut” bit and pulled off. You know, the one that goes "PAM - PAPAPAM - PAM - PAMPAM!" Crazy Marge started singing:

“Shave and a haircut, too bits

Who was the barber, Tom Mix

Who did he marry, Pearl White

How are the kiddies, all right”

A few miles out of town, the weather improved considerably and the gloomy ones perked up. Al, was singing along to the blaring of the radio. “Gangsta Paradise”. I couldn’t hear myself think. 

Thirty minutes or so into the trip, the bus swerved suddenly to the left then back to the right. My heart dropped right into my stomach. I swear I could hear it sloshing there. Do you know the movie “Jeepers Creepers”? Well the terror on that bus was nothing like the terror that gripped those rickety passengers, including me. Pandemonium broke out. Cries for help, shouting, wailing and gnashing of teeth are still etched in my brain, nay, seared in my very being. The image I’ll take to my grave is that of 82-year-old Bethany, sprawled in the aisle, with her dress bunched up around her midriff, legs in the air giving us a view of the skimpiest red g-string I’ve ever seen in my life. Let me hasten to reassure you. No one got hurt.

The thing was Big Al had a soft heart. He swerved to avoid hitting a stray dog and nearly sent about 20 elderly people to an early grave.

The bus ran off the road and smashed right between two cottages. The tenants of the cottages were two old couples. Mr. and Mrs. Beethoven (turned out they were descendants of the famous Helmut Beethoven, the masseur) and Mr. and Mrs. Bawl. The couples helped pull the passengers out to safety.

I was one of the lucky ones. I was pulled out by the Beethovens.  

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Thank you very much for my morning "ball" fix *heh! heh! heh!* I can always count on you to keep things bouncing along with delight & humor! I honestly did NOT get your punchline, but then I read your answer to another review & was immediately relieved nobody got pulled out by the Bawls. Your imagination is operating on several different levels of astounding, but I'm only capable of getting the puns clearly on the surface level. Like the hailing cabs comment, which I loved. You nailed the typical senior silliness with your "shave & haircut" ditty. And last but not least, your Bethany reminded me of the 80-something guy my mom married & even well into his 90's, he would have his racy red skivvies draped over the shower curtain when I went to visit them! *smile*

[Woody]

the pleasure is entirely mine, I assure you. glad I helped brighten your morning :)
your fathe-in-law sounds like a bunch of fun :)
thank you Dear. sorry if the ending gave you trouble.

[Will Neill]

Made me laugh over my morning coffee, good one. Maybe you should consider a softer font?
Will

[Woody]

thanks a lot Will. glad to oblige. could you explain about the font? I'm hopeless. did you mean smaller? a different one?

[Will Neill]

Some times I use ( well mostly all the time) Andeluz as opposed to times new roman. You can find it in your drop box, it looks softer and reads easier. I would suggest 11 or 12. Try it and see.
Will

[Woody]

I'll do that thanks Will

[Marie]

This shouldn't have been as funny as it was. Were you mocking old people? I've done it myself...

[Woody]

no, dear, I'm not the mocking type. I like to have a good laugh and try to make people laugh but I never ridicule people. and, hey, I'm not not that young myself :)
thank you, as always, for the read, Marie.

[Marie]

I did write a story once about a love triangle in a rest home. I may post it again one day; it wasn't bad.

[Woody]

a rest room?? I'd love to read that!

[Marie]

A rest home. A nursing home. Although a love triangle in a rest room is something to be considered...