accident

accident

A Story by Woody
"

it could've been worse. a lot worse.

"

Linda and I left our old Volkswagen Beetle wheezing in the parking lot and, clutching each other’s hand, hurried to the taxi station under a battering rain. God, I hate heavy rain. My old joints always give me hell during the rainy season. We stood under the awning, hoping to stop a taxi before either of us caught pneumonia. If there’s one thing I hate more than raining cats and dogs, it’s hailing taxis. Luck smiled on us when a taxi turned the corner and we gratefully took it. 


We were going to the meet point to take part in an excursion to various parts of the country. Looked like the organizers picked a fine day for that. We soon arrived at the mall where the bus was waiting for us. We were the last on board. All the other old timers greeted us jovially and some teased us, calling us snails and tortoises and sloths. They were neighbours and retirees who’d worked with me or with Linda and some were casual acquaintances. We sank onto our seats behind old Bart and his wife Josephine. Her wheelchair was collapsed and standing in the aisle by her side. Greetings were exchanged. 


As the door hissed shut, Big Al, the driver, shouted “Hold on to your nuts, Guys!” Everybody laughed and Angela Bingham yelled “What about us, girls?” That got a few laughs, too, but I won’t repeat Pete’s reply. Too graphic. But you can imagine it for yourselves. You’re grown-ups after all. Anyway, Al honked the “shave and a haircut” bit and pulled off. You know, the one that goes "PAM - PAPAPAM - PAM - PAMPAM!" Crazy Marge started singing:

“Shave and a haircut, too bits

Who was the barber, Tom Mix

Who did he marry, Pearl White

How are the kiddies, all right”


A few miles out of town, the weather improved considerably and the gloomy ones perked up. Al, was singing along to the blaring of the radio. “Gangsta Paradise”. I couldn’t hear myself think. 


Thirty minutes or so into the trip, the bus swerved suddenly to the left then back to the right. My heart dropped right into my stomach. I swear I could hear it sloshing there. Do you know the movie “Jeepers Creepers”? Well the terror on that bus was nothing like the terror that gripped those rickety passengers, including me. Pandemonium broke out. Cries for help, shouting, wailing and gnashing of teeth are still etched in my brain, nay, seared in my very being. The image I’ll take to my grave is that of 82-year-old Bethany, sprawled in the aisle, with her dress bunched up around her midriff, legs in the air giving us a view of the skimpiest red g-string I’ve ever seen in my life. Let me hasten to reassure you. No one got hurt.

The thing was Big Al had a soft heart. He swerved to avoid hitting a stray dog and nearly sent about 20 elderly people to an early grave.


The bus ran off the road and smashed right between two cottages. The tenants of the cottages were two old couples. Mr. and Mrs. Beethoven (turned out they were descendants of the famous Helmut Beethoven, the masseur) and Mr. and Mrs. Bawl. The couples helped pull the passengers out to safety.


I was one of the lucky ones. I was pulled out by the Beethovens.  

© 2015 Woody


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Featured Review

Thank you very much for my morning "ball" fix *heh! heh! heh!* I can always count on you to keep things bouncing along with delight & humor! I honestly did NOT get your punchline, but then I read your answer to another review & was immediately relieved nobody got pulled out by the Bawls. Your imagination is operating on several different levels of astounding, but I'm only capable of getting the puns clearly on the surface level. Like the hailing cabs comment, which I loved. You nailed the typical senior silliness with your "shave & haircut" ditty. And last but not least, your Bethany reminded me of the 80-something guy my mom married & even well into his 90's, he would have his racy red skivvies draped over the shower curtain when I went to visit them! *smile*

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

8 Years Ago

the pleasure is entirely mine, I assure you. glad I helped brighten your morning :)
your fath.. read more



Reviews

Thank you very much for my morning "ball" fix *heh! heh! heh!* I can always count on you to keep things bouncing along with delight & humor! I honestly did NOT get your punchline, but then I read your answer to another review & was immediately relieved nobody got pulled out by the Bawls. Your imagination is operating on several different levels of astounding, but I'm only capable of getting the puns clearly on the surface level. Like the hailing cabs comment, which I loved. You nailed the typical senior silliness with your "shave & haircut" ditty. And last but not least, your Bethany reminded me of the 80-something guy my mom married & even well into his 90's, he would have his racy red skivvies draped over the shower curtain when I went to visit them! *smile*

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

8 Years Ago

the pleasure is entirely mine, I assure you. glad I helped brighten your morning :)
your fath.. read more
I didn't get the ending. I googled Helmut Beethoven, and saw it was a fictional character, but didn't immediately see anything familiar. I won't think less of the piece for that, though, I know I'm not the demographic for every single thing. I really chuckled at the hailing taxis remark. Also, I didn't see anything to confirm this (though the ending might have done that and I just didn't pick up on it), but it seemed like all the characters were elderly versions of today's 20-30 year olds, just based on their dialogue, attire, song choices. It was strange, then, that they were just riding a plain old bus. Who knows, though, maybe those will still be around by then. Interesting if true, though it would have been nice if the story used that for something. Again, maybe the end is that something, but even so, it does seem a tad empty. It seems like the entire story was the build up to the punchline, which I missed.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Woody

8 Years Ago

thank you so much for reading and reviewing Alex. your last sentence sums it all up. those who've re.. read more
hmm... not sure about the ending, maybe I didn't get it. But I liked the opening and enjoyed the atmosphere you crafted Woody. This piece really had voice.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

8 Years Ago

aah so nice to see you around roark. thank you my friend.glad you found this holds the road.
Woody I can always rely on you to pull me from a somber mood and make me smile. Your train of thought is mind boggling and your level of humour is quite enjoyable.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

9 Years Ago

you are too kind, Troy. thanks a lot. I'm glad I helped brighten your day.
"Elderly people to an early grave" is pretty funny, though the elderly, I've noticed, are usually more anxious about their status and probably wouldn't find this funny at all. "Pulled out by the Beethovens" has got to get a laugh, even if you are a centenarian. On a heavier note, I'm sorry about what happened in Tunisia; that's not going to help the economy.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

9 Years Ago

thank you so much Roland for taking the time. I'm glad this elicited a laugh.
thanks a lot fo.. read more
Really enjoyed the image of this excursion bus full with old timers with their sense of humor. I felt the last couple of paragraphs could have been expanded a little. But otherwise lots of laughs and an enjoyable read. Thank you.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

9 Years Ago

why thank you very much, Sir. I'm glad you liked this one.
I agree, the ending was a bit rush.. read more
Woody

9 Years Ago

on second thought, Will, I may leave it that way. the ending looked wanting if you'd missed the punc.. read more
William Richards

9 Years Ago

Fair enough. I probably did! Reading some of the comments I think many others like it the way it is .. read more
So Beethoven the composer had a famous relative who was a masseur, eh? Always giggling when I read you. There was an 82 year old woman on the bus wearing a g-string....my goodness, Woody...how do you conjure up these scenes? Your mind is a playground filled with imagery and comedy...and I love playing there! Lydi**

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

9 Years Ago

aah thank you Lydia for the sweet review. I'm always extatic to see you enjoy my writes.
I ha.. read more
Very funny woody. I don't know why you haven't created a comedy book of all your short stories. You have a talent of making people laugh.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

9 Years Ago

I don't think I've heard these either. but based on what we were talking about
book/money :)).. read more
Mr_M

9 Years Ago

Butchers is look but you are spot on with money me old chine plate (mate)
Woody

9 Years Ago

:) ok one out of two. thanks my china plate, then.
A very funny write, I just wondered if your mother had to wash your mouth out with soap a lot when you were a young lad? Valentine

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Valentine

9 Years Ago

I just bet you joked your way out of a good whipping. They were laughing so hard they probably hand.. read more
Woody

9 Years Ago

true, I admit but when they sometimes don't get the joke, I do get a good beating. my father was a f.. read more
Valentine

9 Years Ago

You are so BAD>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lol! Ok I laughed the whole way through!!
I really want to know what Pete's reply was to the ladies!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

10 Years Ago

hahaha yep, that's the F word I meant.
Matching Socks

10 Years Ago

Woody, thank you for making me laugh, it's the best medicine, truly. :)
Woody

10 Years Ago

my pleasure, Dear :)))

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Added on May 19, 2014
Last Updated on June 4, 2015
Tags: bus, accident, elderly, fun

Author

Woody
Woody

Mateur, Bizerte, Tunisia



About
ok, time for an update I think. my old friends have come to know me pretty well, I trust so this is for the new comers. I'm a Tunisian 60-year-old teacher-cum-translator, book worm who enjoys writing.. more..

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